299. Untapped Potential: Using Hardships to Unlock Your True Capabilities with Lauren Fields

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This is happiness solved with America's happiness coach, Sandee Sgarlata.

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Hello and thank you for joining us today. I'm so happy you're here. Happiness solved is the place where we explore everything you need to become the best possible version of you. This is Sandee Sgarlata. And today I've got some exciting news for our dedicated listeners.

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We've just launched our exclusive members only portal. This is your ticket to a world of additional content designed to deepen your understanding and engagement with the happiness solved mission. To learn more about all of the exciting benefits, stay tuned until the end of the episode where I will explain in greater detail. For those interested now, head over to happinesssolved dot supercast.com. Today is another amazing conversation, so let's get started.

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Lauren Fields, such a pleasure to have you here with me today. How's everything going? You look beautiful, by the way. Hi, Sandy. Thank you so much for having me.

00:01:19
It's an absolute honor to be here. Everything's great. Thank you for asking. Thank you. So for the audience, Lauren Fieldss specializes in turning dreams into reality.

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As a life coach, Tedx speaker, and psychology master student, she combines her personal journey from a recovery from a traumatic brain injury to empower others. So, wow, I want to hear about that. And we're going to talk about everything that you're doing, but talk about how you got here. And as I said before we started recording, I haven't really heard your story, even though, you know, we work together with the La Tribune podcast network and everything. Tell us your story.

00:01:59
Sure. So I grew up in San Diego, California, and when I was six years old, I started riding horses. And this became my ultimate passion. I was spending as much time as possible at the stables. At one point, I was homeschooled just because I wanted to devote all my time and attention to the sport.

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When I was 14, I was in a show jumping accident where I was life lighted to the hospital. And three days later, I woke up from a coma with a traumatic brain injury. Wow. Wow. What was that like waking up from a coma?

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You know, when I woke up, I just. The last moment I was on the horse. So the. All of the moment in between. All of the moments in between that were just completely blacked out.

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And so I was wondering, what happened? What am I doing in this hospital room? Am I okay? What's going on? And you're just in a complete fog.

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It's interesting because I've heard that so often, and I guess that's our innate way. I guess maybe it's in our DNA, that it's just a way to protect us. Right? Like, people have horrible car accidents and don't remember anything. And I think that may be a good thing.

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I don't know. I'm glad I don't remember the in betweens. You know, my first memory waking up was looking to my right, and my father was asleep in the chair next to me, holding my show jacket with my number, my competition number in his hand. And that was my first memory coming back to life.

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Wow, that's tough. Yeah. And so I think three days, you know, at 14, you don't really know what that. What this means to. To be in a coma or have a traumatic brain injury.

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And during this time, there were fires going on in San Diego, and so we had to evacuate our home. So when I walked out of the hospital, there was ash falling from the sky. Oh, my gosh. And I was completely disoriented. We had to go to a home we were renting.

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And so for a few months, things were just off and just foggy. And, you know, I ended up going back to school with the help of tutors and my professors to kind of help guide me through this time and felt like I had recovered and things were back to normal. And I. I just kind of wanted to act like this event didn't happen because I was almost ashamed or felt lesser than that. This really serious event had almost happened to me, and I didn't.

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I almost didn't make it. You know, coming back to all these messages from friends and people I didn't know, saying, I hope you're going to be okay. Like, I wish we could have been close or all these things, because people don't know in that moment what's going to happen.

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What was going through your mind. If you can look back, like, how. How did you cope with all of that? Because that's when you were describing it, because you gave a lot of details. For me, it was like a scene out of a movie, you know, especially the ashes falling down and things like that.

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How has it. When you reflect, how has it affected you? But more importantly, what was it that in you, you just decided like, hey, I have to use this. I have to use this experience. What was it in you that compelled you to where you are today?

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So I think this story has been brewing and growing inside of me for so long, and it took me a decade to finally get the courage to start lightly speaking on it and then eventually giving a TEDx talk about it. But it's finally believing and listening to my heart that, hey, this happened for a reason. I'm here to share what I've been through to help others recover from events like this, to recover from pain or from trauma. And so let me. Let me use what I've been through and be of service and share my story and open up about what I've been kind of working through on my own and healing from.

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Because at the moment, I was so prideful, and I always wanted to be the best at whatever I was doing, that I just wanted to act like I was okay, and I just wanted to go back, get back on the horse, continue competing, go back to school, have a social life, and kind of not talk about it and sweep it under the rug. And eventually, there was a blood spot on my brain from the horse accident that led to nerve damage. And so I was going to hospitals, had a couple surgeries to repair the nerve damage, and it just kept coming up. And I said, okay, this is. This isn't going away.

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Just coming up for all these reminders. Don't forget about me, you know? And so when I look back at that 14 year old girl, I say, wow, like, I'm so proud of you for trying to be strong, but, like, it is so important to check in with yourself and take accountability for what you've been through and do the work and work through it. And so I think that's why I've been on this path of health and wellness. Coaching, certification, life coaching, certification, yoga teacher training, wanting to coach people, because I.

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I want. I always wanted someone. My parents were incredible and supportive, but I wanted someone. I wanted that for myself. And I kind of created what the healing method I needed to get myself through.

00:08:02
Nice. So what is your healing method? And, well, before we go into that, how is everything today? Are you fully recovered? Did you lose any brain function, or is it fully back to quote, 100%?

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Because I don't think we're ever 100%. I feel like I'm thriving. I feel, you know, that my mental capacity is super clear and very effective. I'm studying for a master's in psychology and learning all about brain health. So, looking back, I feel like I can connect the dots of why happened and really understand the significance that that event had on my life.

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I had a tendon transfer surgery on my foot because one of the symptoms was drop foot, which is a neurological symptom where a signal from your brain is not getting down to lift the front part of your foot when you're walking. And so I had a surgery for this, and, you know, moving a tendon in your foot, it doesn't feel completely normal when I walk, but that's okay. I'm alive. I'm here, I'm fully functioning. You know what I mean?

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And so I think it's all perspective. Sure. And it's just. It's incredible how our bodies work at the same time. So that's interesting that you're studying that in your master's program as well.

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And so often I think we don't even realize how complex our bodies are and our minds are until something like. This happens, because we don't have to think about it. That's the miraculous part of our body. We don't have to tell our heart to beat. We don't have to tell our lungs to breathe.

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It just all happens naturally. So you just don't think about it. Yeah. All right, so what is it? Because you mentioned that you have a program that you've created, so can you talk about that?

00:09:56
Of course. So when I was healing from this surgery that I just mentioned, this was a moment when I had to say, okay, I can sit here and be upset that I'm not out living my best life, going out with friends, chasing after my dream, but what if I can use this time to kind of go inward? And so this is when I devoted myself to health and wellness and started reading all of these books on mindset empowerment. And this is when I really feel like I broke my heart open in the best way and kind of started developing the foundation of my practice. And a lot of it is mindset based, but it also just comes back to taking care of yourself and the importance of that.

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And so I enrolled in a health and wellness coaching certification at the Institute for Integrative Nutrition so I could learn all about how we best take care of ourselves. And what I learned about that is that it's all bio individual, so you have to learn what works best for you. There's no one method that works for everyone. So I think it's really important, like intuitive eating, listen to what your body needs, backed with the knowledge of what is good and not good for you. But ultimately, at the end of the day, I feel like we really know what is each choice?

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Is this good for me or is it not a good choice for me? And so I think to listen to that. But my coaching method is a lot about empowerment, mindset, self care. And how I like to break it down is I help clients get clear on their vision. Who am I?

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What is it that I want to achieve or do in this life and what is it that's holding me back. Yeah. And we look at those three things, and we really focus on what's the dream that you have for yourself that you're not going after, and what's stopping you. Yeah. Yeah.

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Cause, I mean, that's really what it boils down to at the end of the day. Yeah. Why are we here? Why are we. Why are you here?

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What is it? What legacy do you want to leave? So what would you say to somebody who. They have that question, but they're so resistant because change is hard. Right.

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And we all know my favorite quote is, in order to grow, we have to be comfortable being uncomfortable. A lot of people don't want to be uncomfortable. Right. Even though they're in pain, they just sit in it because that's comfortable for them. That's all they know.

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I would say, do you want things to be different because you're here for a reason. So what's coming up for you, and how can we work through this, and how can we create? You know, what I love to say is, instead of being the victim of your past, be the creator of your future. Yeah. Yeah.

00:12:54
That resonates so deeply because at the end of the day, that's really what it's all about. I watched a movie recently, and this great line was in it, and I heard it, but you know how you hear something, you're like, oh. And then you forget about it. Well, then I wanted my husband to watch, and I was like, I'd like to watch it again, because it's one of. It's the movie the circle.

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It's on Netflix right now. Tom Hanks stars in it, and Emma Watson's in it, and it's one of these almost like black mirror or Twilight zone kind of like, oh, my gosh. Like, this is crazy, right? Yeah. And she said she was in an interview.

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Emma Watson was in this interview to work for this company, the circle, which is probably a much more intense version or inflated version of what Apple is like, or Google in Silicon Valley, you know? And they asked her a question, you know, what's your greatest fear? Or what are you scared of? And she goes, untapped potential. Wow.

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And that has been sitting with me for about five days now. And I started thinking, I'm afraid of failure. Am I afraid of success? Because I think we've all gone through those moments in our life, right? What is it going to look like?

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What's it going to look like when I go all in on me and ignite my superpower? Then what's going to happen? Because things are going to change. Right. And so I started thinking like that.

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I resonate so deeply with that because, you know, I talk a lot about my future self. What would my future self want me to do? And am I working toward what my future self knows that I'm capable of and things like that, and I'm like, that untapped potential, it just hits home for me. I love, absolutely love that quote. And so many the decisions we make, our block, fear gets in the way.

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Right. And so I think it's so important in any situation. Am I looking at this with the eyes of fear or with the eyes of love? And when you look with the eyes of love, you only see possibilities. Yes.

00:15:16
Yes. I hope everybody heard that. When you're looking at things through the eyes of love, you only hear possibilities. That's beautiful. Yeah.

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Another interesting statistic is that we think, on average, 60,000 thoughts a day. 90% of these thoughts are repetitive, so they're thoughts that we've had before and we have on repeat. And 80% of these thoughts, on average, are negative. So this is a big. This is something that's really holding people back is their thought process.

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Yeah, yeah. I've published multiple articles. I talk a lot about the zone of genius, and I actually have those statistics in my articles that I've published because I don't think people really realize that. And I've spoken on stage about it, and I've asked, you know, how many. How many of your thoughts every day are negative?

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And people are like, 10%, 20%? And when you say 80%, they're like, what? I'm like, yeah. And it's because they're running in the background, like we don't even recognize them because they're happening so frequently. Yeah.

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So clients ask, you know, how do I change my. How do I change that? What can I do about this? And one of the best ways to do that, I believe, is positive affirmations. So, one of my morning routines, as I wake up, I make my iced cold brew decaf coffee, and I go and I sit in front of my red light.

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Oh, I love red light therapy. And I repeat, YouTube. Absolutely love, as a great way to start the day. And I put on, I say, alexa, please play meditation music. And I sit there and I close my eyes and I say, I am love, I am light, I am abundant, I am worthy, and I attract everything I desire.

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Ooh. And I'm programming my subconscious to believe this. Right. And in every situation, in every interaction. This is what is going through my head.

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And I wholeheartedly believe that you can reprogram your brain and your mind by just choosing intentionally what you are thinking about and how you're talking to yourself. Yes, 1000%. And that's such a great way to start your day. And thank you for sharing that, because whatever it is you do to start your day, it's so important because that's setting the tone for the rest of the day ahead of you. I love that.

00:18:06
So. And red light therapy, that's a whole nother podcast.

00:18:14
Yes, it's incredible. So, from a psychological perspective, because you were talking about reprogramming, and now you're studying getting your master's degree in psychology. From a psychological perspective, can you explain on a high level so that people really understand how that works and that you can? Because the easiest way for me, and I heard this 35 years ago, your brain is like a cassette tape, right? Which maybe many people weren't even around when cassette tapes.

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But, you know, it's a little thing about this big, and you can pull the cassette, you can pull the thread out like, you know, you get, but you can also rerecord over it. And it was like, yeah, you can just rerecord over it because your mind's like a cassette tape. What. What is your today 2024 version of, like, reprogramming your mindset? So here's how I see it.

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If you can see it in your mind, you can hold it in your hand to be intentional, right, about what's going on in your head. But I think what happens is, throughout life, and this starts when we're little, it starts with attachment styles on who was there to take care of us, were we able to rely on our primary caregivers or not? And that determines whether we have secure attachment, anxious or avoidant attachment. And it all starts there when we're babies, before we even know or have control over these situations. So then our mind starts thinking, I'm either safe or I am scared or fearful of this world and environment.

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And as we continue to grow up, all of these other experiences that we have, whether people are kind to us, whether people say nice things or things that bring us down, we start to believe what other people are saying and doing to us, and we start to let that define who we are. And as long as we let other people's view of us control the way we think of ourselves, then whatever that has been for us, whether positive or negative, that will be what's going through our mind about our own internal belief system. But if we want to change that, we need to work on rewiring our brain by noticing how we're thinking about ourselves, noticing, why am I having that thought about myself? Is this true? Where did this thought come from?

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And then again, is this what I want to be thinking about myself? And if not, what do I want to be thinking instead? Yeah. And am I taking care of myself? Am I loving myself?

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Am I giving myself the attention that I need? Because that's going to determine how we show up to the external world and what we attract. Yes. You said something that's. That I want to repeat, because I think it's such a great question.

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Because so often the dialogue we have with ourself is so negative and it's so mean, and we would never speak like that to anybody else. And we have this negative thought, oh, you're not good enough, or this doesn't look good, whatever it is. And you said, you ask yourself, is it true? And if you can interrupt that thought pattern and say, is it true? No, it's not true.

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Because when you stop for a second and you start to think of it, no, that's not true. Right? Yeah. Yeah. So what advice can you give for someone to help them to get into that habit of that interruption and to really stop and think about it?

00:22:04
Because we all have busy lives. We're all doing a million things, and this is a practice just like anything else. You have to practice it. It's not going to happen automatically. I've been practicing this for 35 years, and I'm still practicing work.

00:22:18
Exactly. And so, I think, oftentimes when a negative thought comes up or someone says something that hurts you, you feel triggered. And this is because a wound is open. And I like to say we people are walking around with all of these, like, all of these thorns. And so when something is triggered, that thorn has.

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That thorn has been poked. And what you need to do is acknowledge what's coming. Oh, wow. Thank you for this, like, bringing this up, because I realize a part of me is unhealed, and something's coming up that's upsetting me. There's work here that I need to do to get to the root of this so that this no longer keeps affecting me.

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And so what do I need to do to pull this thorn out of my body so that that can heal? Right. Right. And so it's all not, oh, I'm so upset that this person did this or said this, but it's what's coming up for me that I'm so sensitive to whatever this person is saying. Right.

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Because in reality, right, when people show up and they're like a mirror. Right, exactly. They're reflecting something that you're not happy about with yourself. And so I think just taking accountability, that, oh, there's work that needs to be done here on me. How can I show up and do that work?

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Because otherwise it's going to keep showing up in different relationships and different conversations. It's going to keep showing up until I go in and I do the work on myself. And so let me start today figuring out what are the things that keep coming up? What are the things that are hurting that maybe I keep bottled up and that I haven't let out, whether it's through therapy or talking with a friend or going on a walk or listening to a podcast. But how can I help heal myself?

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What do I need? Yeah. Yeah. And there's so many free resources out there. So many.

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And I think you take, like, just as you would take care of a child, that's how you take care of yourself. Yeah. Yeah. You need to show up for you, and that needs to be number one. Absolutely.

00:24:40
Absolutely. When I first introduced that to that idea years ago, there were people in my life that felt that I was. Well, that's awfully selfish. I know. Yeah.

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People will say that, but I wholeheartedly believe that if you don't take care of yourself, you can't take care of other people, you can't be there for anyone else. If you're wounded, if you're hurt, if you're, you know, disheveled, it really all. Starts from within thousand percent. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.

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I mean, you can't, you know, what do they say on an airplane when they're talking about the oxygen, your oxygen mask first? Yeah. Put it on yourself first. Yeah. I think a huge one.

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You know, waking up, looking at yourself in the mirror and saying, I love you. Yeah. And that's very hard for many people, you know, and, and so I tell people, well, if you can't say that, can you give yourself a high five? Right. You know, but I think the biggest question is, what's stopping you from loving yourself?

00:25:42
Yeah. Yeah. It's, it's that dialogue that we've been talking about and, you know, unfortunately, you know, it does start as a child, you know, like we were born in this world, completely innocent, and we don't. Get to choose our parents. Right.

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Or what, what, what, you know, where we're born or what any of that looks like. Yeah, you're born into it. It's not your, you know, it's not your fault. Yeah. It's an interesting, interesting conversation.

00:26:20
So you did a TEDx talk. That's fantastic. Congratulations. Thank you. How was that experience for you?

00:26:27
And what did. And what did you talk about? What was your topic? It was an incredible experience. It gave me so much purpose to work towards doing that because it had been something I'd wanted to do for a long time.

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It's a lot of work. It was a lot of work, and it was totally worth it. And my topic was the space between falling and getting back on the horse. Ooh.

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And so this was the moment I kind of. I first just feel like, for the first time, really opened up about my story and my learnings and being able to kind of connect the dots. And what I've learned is that all of us have experienced falling, whether it's heartbreak, job loss, or a health crisis. And people are always telling us to get back up, but there's this space between the falling and getting back up, and that's where the magic happens. That's where the transformation happens.

00:27:38
When we dive into that space, instead of trying to cover it up, instead of trying to run from it, we go into that space and we reflect, we rebuild, and we recover.

00:27:52
That is brilliant, because I was going to ask you, did you get back on the horse? And how long did it take you? It took me. I mean, so we left the hospital and went immediately to the stables. I didn't get on then.

00:28:05
I probably got on a month following. Okay. That's awesome. That's a huge, huge thing. It really is.

00:28:14
It really is. Because you have to. I mean, you didn't have to get back on the horse. That. That's a choice.

00:28:23
Right. You fall down, you know, if you're capable, you have to get up and keep walking again. Right. You can't stop walking as long as your legs are functioning. So that was a choice.

00:28:34
And at the same time, that was an extremely powerful choice because it was your life. It was your. It was your passion. Yeah. What was that like, getting back on the horse?

00:28:44
You know, I was pretty. I was a pretty fearless child, and I absolutely loved riding. And so I didn't, at the time, as I said, I just didn't realize the significance of the event because I just was like, oh, I fell, and then I was in the hospital, and now I just want to get back on the horse. But what I missed was doing the inner work. Because I was so young, I just wanted to glaze over it.

00:29:06
I just wanted to act like it never happened. I just wanted to be back in the show arena competing and just go on with my life. But now look at my whole life, I feel like purpose and mission now is based on that event happening. Yeah. That's so cool.

00:29:26
Now, did you compete again? I did. I rode for another and competed for another year or two. And then I think I just got burnt out on it because I had done it for 1011 years and I was getting ready to go to college and I wanted more of a social life and so I stopped. I, you know, we sold our horses and I stopped competing.

00:29:46
But whenever I have the opportunity to ride now, I jump on it. Yeah, literally. Yeah, literally.

00:29:56
It's fun. It's fun. I've only done it a couple of times, but riding horses on the beach, like, if you go to an island where they allow. Where they allow you to run, because here in the United States there's so many laws and, you know, if you do a trail ride, you're just kind. Of, you know, walk like you can only walk.

00:30:14
One of my most incredible experiences riding recently was in the desert in Dubai and we were able to just run and it was white sand and just endless sand and we were going full speed. And it's one of my most incredible riding memories and moments. Wow. Wow. That does sound incredible.

00:30:38
Wow. Wow. So what's next for you, Lauren? I would say to continue building my coaching business. I am really passionate and lit up about helping others activate the spark they have inside of theirselves for their life.

00:30:57
And additionally starting a podcast in the coming months, I plan on authoring a book or more and just speaking more on the topic of wellness, self empowerment and personal growth. Love it. Well, I'm so excited and I'm so happy that I get to see you every week on our calls with the La Tribune podcast network. And as you know, I'm always here to support you and help you in your journey. So thank you so much for joining me today.

00:31:30
Thank you for your mentorship. Thank you, Sandy. Thank you everyone.

00:31:47
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