290. Celebrating Life's Chapters: Wisdom and Wonder After 50 with Suzy Rosenstein

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This is happiness solved with America's happiness coach, Sandee Sgarlata.

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Hello and thank you for joining us today. I'm so happy you're here. Happiness solved is the place where we explore everything you need to become the best possible version of you. This is Sandee Sgarlata, and today I've. Got some exciting news for our dedicated listeners.

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We've just launched our exclusive members only portal. This is your ticket to a world of additional content designed to deepen your understanding and engagement with the happiness solved mission. To learn more about all of the exciting benefits, stay tuned until the end of the episode where I will explain in greater detail. For those interested now head over to happinesssolved supercast.com. Today is another amazing conversation, so let's get started.

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Suzy Rosenstein, thank you so much for joining me today. You look amazing. I'm so happy to have this conversation because you're a midlife possibility coach and I'm in my 50s. You don't look like it, but I'm assuming you are. And this is such a great conversation because I have so many girlfriends.

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I turned 60 last summer. You turned 60 last summer. Oh, my gosh. You look amazing. Holy moly.

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All right, I did. Thank you. And I'm so happy to be here, too. We are getting a little bit of a lag, so I hope that it's easy to understand. We're talking about.

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I don't know what's happening with the Internet. It's not cooperating today. Sandy. I know Zoom has thrown me out a couple of times recently, and it was my Internet, and we rebooted it the other night, and so it's been fine. But you just never know.

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And it's all good. It's all good. They'll hear us. Go with the flow. We go with the flow.

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Absolutely. All right. So as I said, susie is a midlife possibility coach, and she's got this great book behind her, which I can't see the name of it, but I'll let you talk about your book. But before we go into all of this, because there's so many things we can talk about with women over 50, including entrepreneurs, as you and I both are. How did you get here?

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What is your backstory that made you be like, this is what I want to do. This is what I'm going to focus on in my life. Okay. I love hearing the story from people. I find it fascinating how one decision leads to another or whatever.

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And for me, I was in a long term job and I became stuck, which is so common. I had been 27 years in health education, health promotion, that sort of thing. And I loved my job. The job I had, I ended up having for 19 years of the 27 of working in that field, and loved my job until I didn't. There was nothing wrong with the job, but I'd been there too long.

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And I remember realizing that there was a problem, and it's the weirdest kind of experience, but I was doing a needlepoint project for my kids, and I had never done needlepoint before, so I ended up at the needlepoint store, and who knew there was a needlepoint store? I did not. And I went in, and I was just taken aback by how beautiful the store was. All the patterns that lined the walls, a whole wall of threads, beautiful colors popping out. And I saw at the back of the room were about five or six women, like, leaning over like they were studying important text.

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They were so fixated on whatever the teacher was demonstrating. And it was one of those higher tables, like a bar table. And I'm like, what are they doing? What has their attention? What are they?

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She, this woman who owned the store was teaching. I think it was beating how to add beading to the needlepoint or something. And I'm thinking to myself, how did she figure out how to incorporate something she loved into a business when it never even occurred to me that needlepoint could be a business? I had only thought of it as a hobby. Taught to me when I was young.

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I couldn't believe it. I went back to my day ob, and I sat quietly in my office, and I remember slowly turning to my phone, like one of those wide phones with all the buttons. It's old school. Like, why aren't I an entrepreneur? I've always wanted to be an entrepreneur.

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She's an entrepreneur with Needlepoint. What is taking me so long? What is going on here? It hit me like a ton of bricks seeing that needlepoint example and the beauty and the enthusiasm and how seriously these women were taking a hobby that could have been a passion for them. I don't know, but they took it with such seriousness.

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And I just thought, something has to give. And that kind of started the whole thing of, what am I doing? Decades have flown by, and I was in that stuck, confused phase for five years, 260 weeks, and just asking everybody I knew who I thought was smarter than I was what I should do. I started to check certain things out. I made a big list of anything I was mildly interested in.

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I thought, I have a master's in psychology. Maybe I'll do a phd and work on that. Or maybe I'll become a teacher and be a guidance counselor, or maybe I'll sell solar panels because I love solar energy. Or maybe I'll be a dog groomer because, oh, I love dogs. The list went on, and some of the ideas were a little kooky.

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I looked into floral design, landscape architecture. Like, this list was broad. And then finally, I met a coach. So this was back in, let's see, I got laid off in 2013, and I met a coach soon after. And I'd been looking into coaching, but I didn't know anything about it, and I didn't have the literacy to make a decision.

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Like, I couldn't really understand what's the difference between this program and this program and going in person or learning online, because Zoom wasn't anything. I don't know if it was a company or not then, but certainly we weren't using it. And so after I had that coaching experience and I noticed that I had a big insight from coaching, and the coach didn't pretend she was, like, a clinician. I was very worried that coaching would cross a line, and it didn't. It was very clearly in a lane that I felt comfortable with.

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I had a big aha. And I just asked her, I said, where did you train? And that just kind of gave me the confidence to be more open minded about what my experience would be. And that's how I ended up becoming a coach. Then I didn't know what to do, except I knew I wanted to be an entrepreneur.

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But what started to happen was you start thinking a lot about your life. It was also what happened the year I turned 50. And I did start to realize that getting laid off was the gift I couldn't give myself. And slowly but surely, I realized how fearful I was about being an entrepreneur and about my age and what kind of an impact it would have. And then as I'm thinking about my life, I realized that something that happened to me as a child has really informed my perspective on aging.

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And what happened is that I've lived both of my parents, so when my father died and they didn't have the gift of aging, they didn't have the privilege to age. And as I'm learning to become a coach and thinking about being an entrepreneur, I'm very now in my early fifty s and very affected by my life view. And I could see that so many people, so many women our age didn't appreciate that aging was a gift. If you're not aging, you're dead. And so I'd rather be aging.

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So true. That's how I got here. So what made you decide to focus on women over the age of 50? I just saw that the milestones of aging, the big birthdays, were really affecting people. I was very aware of when I turned 50, and I noticed that it was different than when I turned 40.

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I was in a celebratory mood, but I wanted different things. My thoughts about where I was in life and what I wanted were a little different. My first kid went to university that year as well, and I had another epiphany around vacations that really kind of shook me up when I saw somebody that I didn't even know in the gym sharing photographs of a trip in the Grand Canyon, a whitewater rafting trip. And I just happened to see, because I knew the family, but I didn't know him, I just happened to see a picture. And then I thought to myself, I wanted to take that trip.

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Oh, my God. It's not even on my list of trips I want to take. But when I saw a picture of this trip, I'm like, wow, what happened? Why isn't even on my list? I'm already 50 plus, and things like that aren't on my list.

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So it's kind of like a combination of appreciating that I had turned 50, that I didn't have enough nerve to do what I wanted to do. I got laid off. It kind of gave me this gift, my perspective about aging. And I could see what was going on with my friends and how fast time was flying. And I could see that midlife women need some help.

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Need some help to realize how amazing they are, how much happiness is still available and what is still possible. And that's what I love that. I love it because, yeah, it is. It's a big milestone. And for me, turning 50 just kind of gave me more of a pass because I was always one that.

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And it was probably because I was a competitive figure skater and you're always being judged, right? And so it was kind of like I felt like I spent so many decades worrying about what other people thought, and I started to let that go. And I had a friend of mine in my early forty s say, what other people think of you is none of your business. But there was still that little thing where you would always worry about it. So, like, for me, after turning 50, I just don't give a shit anymore.

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I don't worry about it. I show up as I am, and I go out to girls happy hour, and there's some women that are decked to the nines and that's great if that's what they want. But I'm like, you know what? I've got my tennis shoes on and my jeans and a cute top and I'm okay. And I'm okay being because I don't care enough.

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And it's not that I don't care enough about myself, it's just, it's not important to me to look amazing for my girlfriends. If I'm going to get all dressed up, it's going to be for my husband. Right. So that was kind of like the big thing for me, that I just stopped caring about what other people think. You know, I worry about myself and I, I focus on me more than anything.

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But, but what about you? What's your perspective on that? Well, right away as you're telling the story, I'm thinking about something I said to my husband this week and it's about slip on shoes. So I realized when I was pregnant, I have three sons and they're in their twenty s and that I realized when I was pregnant that lace up shoes were overrated, that I needed to go to slip ons because of all the bending. And then I just kind of kept that as the years go on.

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And I see my husband, he used to have slip ons and now he's got lace ups like boots because there's snow and stuff now. And I looked at him and it takes more effort to lean over and lace up shoes, especially in the winter when you have on a thick coat. And we have a large dog who's waiting to go outside and there's a lot of commotion going on in the foyer. And I said to him, why aren't you wearing slip ons? Way easier.

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What's going on? You deserve, at 60, you deserve to wear slip ons. If you don't want to lean over, you don't have to lean over. So it was just so funny. So I'm all about comfort.

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I remember when I was working at my job, so the last year was 2013. And I remember one day I wore yoga pants to work and I thought, who's going to notice? First of all, I'm short. I'm only 410. And I thought who's going to like taller people?

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Who's going to even see what I'm wearing? I just have on a sweater or like you said, a cute top, no one cares. But I remember thinking that was daring to wear black, just black pants with Lycra to wear that to work with everything else looking like what you'd normally find in a workplace. And I thought that was so daring. And now, like, sitting here in my office, you in your home office, here we are.

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I'm always wearing this stuff. I change my top, I put on earrings. I do my thing, but I'm comfortable. And I'm wearing slip on slippers that are fuzzy. And I love that.

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So I've given myself permission to just. I don't wear heels anymore. Like, slip on all the way. Just be comfortable. Yeah, absolutely.

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I hear you, sister. All right, so you talk in your bio that you help women over 50 believe what's actually possible, no matter the age, and find the meaning, what they're looking for. And recently, I was in a group, and there was a woman saying, you know, I'm in my early fifty s. I feel like I should be retired right now and that I'm too old to be doing this. And when it was my turn to talk, I said, girl, I'm 58, and I'm just getting started, right?

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And I think that a lot of women have that, call it impostor syndrome or whatever. And I know that a couple of years ago because I walked away from. I had a blog talk radio show from 2008 to 2010. I've been a certified life coach since 2004. I used to do talks all over the DC metro area.

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And when I went through a divorce in 2011, I walked away and got a job and never thought I'd ever come back. But when your mission is bigger than you are, your purpose in life is so big that you just have to. So I come back into this space, and now everything's online, and I'm like, I don't know what to do. And I started seeing all these younger women that are in this space, and I started just feeling like, what am I doing? I'm too old.

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And then I met a couple of women who are older than me that are huge. Sharon Lecter is one of them. She was a co author of rich dad, poor dad, and has done a think and grow rich for women. So she's in the financial space, but she's in her 70s. I'm speaking with her at a conference this weekend for the Los Angeles Tribune, and I've thanked her every time I've seen her.

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I'm like, thank you, because I really felt like I was too old. And you're paving the way for women. It's okay to be in your still be up on stage talking and writing books and having a podcast and doing all of these things because you know what? I plan on being here at least, God willing, at least another 30 years. Right.

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Definitely. It is really interesting, and I think the big problem is one of these beliefs about aging. We have so many beliefs about aging that we don't even know we have. Right. And one of them is that the best isn't yet to come.

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Yes. This is a huge one because. Right. So many of us would buy a magnet or we'd get a pillow or we might even buy a journal that has the best is yet to come on it, but we don't really believe it. Right.

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So many of us think that the best is over, and it's a downhill slide to the finish line. Not for me. And what's the finish line? Right. Death.

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But what's the finish line? Right. Death. Exactly. Death.

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So it's like my podcast is called women in the middle, and a lot of us don't think of ourselves as in the middle. Like, we start to think of ourselves as at the end. It's so interesting. Another myth that really gets us is that aging is bad, rather than the way we started our conversation today, that aging is good. It means you're alive.

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It means you have opportunity. It means that there's possibility. There's so many good things that can happen as a result of being alive. Are there some difficult times? Yes, there are.

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And you're alive, and you can figure things out, and you still have possibility. So there's lots of thoughts that we can catch ourselves thinking that aren't serving us, because when we have these kinds of thoughts, like the best really isn't yet to come, we end up feeling down some kind of negative emotion that is pulling us away from our ability to lean in to the things we actually want to do, the things that are actually important for us, a priority, things we care about. But with that negative, the way we're feeling, it doesn't help us. So the more and more we want to think in a way that helps us feel the way we need to feel, to do the stuff we want to do. We don't want to get in our way.

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We want to get out of our own way so that we can actually feel fulfilled with things related to our priorities. So I think being really curious about what you're actually thinking and believing is so important and sometimes not so easy, because we've been thinking this stuff for decades. That's right. And I just remember being in my thinking, 30 was so old, and now where I am now, it's just like, as you know, before I hit record. I take care of my mom, who's 83, and her memory is getting really bad.

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And she called and I was like, let me take this real quick before we start recording. And she's 83 years old. And I'm like, I look at her and I think, that's not going to be me. I'm going to be 83, and I'm going to be on the tennis court. I am so grateful.

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I got to play tennis this morning. Wow. And I got out there and I'm moving around, and I'm moving around just as good as some of the women that were 1020 years younger than me. And there's no stopping me, really, other than my own limitations that I put on myself. That's right.

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What you believe is possible and how comfortable you are being a beginner. There are so many things that we get really good at. And when you want to increase novelty, meet new people, learn new skills, when you want to do that kind of stuff, often you're not at the top anymore. You're a beginner. I started tap dancing beginner, and I was worried about falling too.

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But one of the things that got me with the tap dancing was it didn't even occur to me how I would feel going into a dance store where I had to buy the shoes. And I was surrounded by moms and their dance kids.

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And a lot of these moms were dancers themselves. It was so obvious because I am so not a Dylan. And here I am in my 50s trying on tap shoes, which have to be tied up, by the way. They're laces. Anyway, I managed it.

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I got out of there. But I didn't appreciate how uncomfortable I was being a beginner. I had to walk over to the mirror. They have these mirrors in places involved in dance. And I hadn't been anything related to dance since I was 13 or 14.

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And I had to go to that little area and make the tap shoes make noise on the floor. And I was so self conscious because I didn't know what I was doing. Anyway, the whole experience was interesting to me because I felt way more uncomfortable than I thought I would. When I got to the tab class, it was a tab class for adults, and we were all a little nervous finding our sea legs. And it was good.

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I ended up having a back injury and I had to take a break. But it was fun to be able to move and focus. You really have to focus. And for years I play saxophone since I was ten. I was always in bands of some sort, even as an adult.

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But I found as an entrepreneur, there's a lot of sitting and playing in more bands and sitting more. I just couldn't do it. So I was really looking for something that involved more movement. So I'm hoping to get back to tap, because in both music and dance, you really have to focus. And focus is one of those skills that we have to work on because we're so distracted and there are so many squirrels and phones and apps and things and whatever.

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Focus is a good thing. So I'm definitely working on more focus, and that's something that it really came up with. But, yeah, we do have to keep trying new things and be aware of how you are when you are trying something new. Yeah, I love it. So I can finally, after I focused in, I could read the book 50 ways to celebrate life after 50.

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That's it. Love it. Okay, so what are just a couple of your favorite ones? Because we don't have time to go through all 50, but give me just a couple ways that. Well, in the book.

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Yeah. Okay. First, I'll just say that I separated life into six categories that I believe are worthy of celebration. And then I tell a little story about each one. I give a total of 50 tips.

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And then also there are 30 journal prompts in there to help you figure out your way to celebrate. So one way is to celebrate your age. And I shared that story. Just this understanding about the way we're thinking, that's very negative about aging. And one thing that we can do when it comes to that is to do something that acknowledges your age.

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And one of the things that I love doing is something that my uncle inspired, and it's the top ten days of the year. So he typically does this on New Year's Eve, but the idea is you're celebrating a year that went by the passage of time, and he identifies the top ten days of the year. And then he takes it one step further. I've done a whole podcast and blog about this because I think it's so brilliant. But the next step of it is to figure out who was with you on those top ten days and acknowledge them, thank them, and tell them that their involvement, their participation with you helped create an amazing memory and an amazing experience.

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And then the other thing that he taught me that I was so happy to include in this book is this idea of amplifying an experience when you realize it's amazing. So a lot of times we just go with the flow, right? And something great is happening. But now this idea of amplification is to take the responsibility of making it even better once you're like, oh, my gosh, I'm having so much fun. This is amazing.

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What can I do to make it even better? And I have blown my own mind with that one. And I've heard a lot of feedback from people that it's just a way to be even more present. So that's one way. There are lots of other tips, but celebrating your age, celebrating self care, celebrating your passion, I'll give you an example about that.

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My passion is whale watching, and I have been an avid whale watcher since 1985 and my first whale watch in Kennebunkport, Maine.

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I've gone all over the place with these whale watches, and I've had very up close and personal experiences all over the place. And I love nature photography and studying behavior in whale behavior. And so what I've done with that is really just allowed myself to invite more of it into my life because I don't live on the ocean. So whenever I have a retreat that's anywhere near water or a training or even if it's a few hours away, if I am anywhere near the ocean, I give myself permission to extend whatever trip I'm taking to include it to celebrate that passion and allow myself the time and the way I want to dive. No pun dive in into that.

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And I allowed that even more when I celebrated my 60th birthday last year and I asked myself, what's the one thing? I came up with six ideas, six for 60. But what is the one thing you want to do so much that you tear up thinking about it that brings you so much joy? And right away, I wanted to revisit a trip that I took with the whales in 1992 in Baja, the gray whales in San Ignacio lagoon. So really celebrate your passion and allow yourself to be happy, to spend that kind of time with whatever it is that you love.

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That's a third way. Another thing to celebrate is your relationships. Another one is to celebrate your professional self. And the final one is to celebrate your empty nest. Because at first, when a lot of people are thinking about my kids are leaving, we see the glasses half empty.

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And really, it can be half full if you think about it that way. And the best way I know to think about that is to think about what kind of a relationship you want to have, not what one you're losing, which is what many of us focus on. But what kind of a relationship do you want to create with your young adults? And if you think about it, you've got way more time with your young adults than you do when they were children. So those are the six areas.

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I love it. That was so brilliant, susie. Thank you so much. Is there anything else that you'd like to share with the audience before we wrap up today? Well, I'd like to invite you to listen to the women in the middle podcast, and I have a freebie to help get you going on the podcast, which is all about loving your life after 50.

00:27:59
I do about 50% solo episodes and I have a lot of amazing guests like you do on your podcast. And it's such a thrill and a privilege to have these intimate conversations with people who are happy and reflective so that they can share and give some tips to other people. So I have pulled together twelve top episodes to help you understand some of these secrets to happiness at this age. And you can grab that@freepodcastbundle.com. Freepodcastbundle.com you'll get the twelve episodes right to your inbox and that'll be in.

00:28:36
The show notes as well. So Susie, thank you so much. I love what you're doing. I love that you're focusing in and working with women to help them navigate this thing called life in your 50s. So thank you.

00:28:52
Thank you, Sandy, thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you for listening, everyone.

00:29:07
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00:30:54
Take care everyone.