357. From D1 Athlete to Executive Coach: Liz Bentley on Competition, Feedback, and Success

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Liz Bentley, such an honor and pleasure to have you on today.

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How's everything going?

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Great, it's going really well.

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Thank you so much for having me.

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my gosh, this is such an honor.

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You have such an amazing career.

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And I think when we first had our call, I was like, my gosh, like looking at your website
and just everything you've done, it's just like, you're kind of who I want to be when I

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grow up, right?

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That's very generous and kind, so thank you very much.

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I don't even know who I want to be when I grow up.

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I don't even know who I want to be when I grow up.

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I'm just on the journey.

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It's so true, it's so true.

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But for the audience, I'm here today with Liz Bentley.

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She's the founder and president of Liz Bentley Associates.

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It's a consulting firm specializing in leadership development programs, but she's a
nationally recognized keynote speaker and executive coach to some of the top leaders and

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teams across a broad range of industries.

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And we're here today because you are a former athlete and I love speaking with athletes
and you were a D1 lacrosse and soccer player.

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at the University of Virginia, my home state.

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Yes, yes.

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And I love some of the things you've been doing, but want to dive into all of that, but
can you just tell me a little bit about your journey going from the college athletics into

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the corporate world?

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Yeah.

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So when you're in you know, being an athlete is something you started at a really young
age and you, you know, you get trained as an athlete in an order to even play D1 anywhere.

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You're usually taking it pretty seriously at, at a very young age.

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And in my era, soccer was, a sport that you could, that had a lot of Olympic development
programs and programs you could start very, very early on.

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So I think one of the things that had the biggest impact on me.

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as a person that I brought through my entire life was learning how to compete and learning
how to take feedback and learning wins and losses, learning, you know, making teams, not

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making teams, being the star of the team, being on the bench, building up, you know,
sometimes I'd get brought up to teams where I was a year, like they bring me, I'd be maybe

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one of the stronger players in my year.

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So they bring me up to the next year.

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And then I'd be more in the middle or the bottom and trying to like figure out how to get
in.

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So just so and then also I learned a lot.

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played a lot of tennis when I was young.

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I learned a lot of focus from tennis because in tennis you really know it's just you and
the the opponent.

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So you have to learn that, you know, if you make a really dumb mistake, you got to get
right back in that point or you're to make a lot of dumb mistakes again.

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And you know, I lost plenty of matches because of one dumb mistake that turned into 10.

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And so I just, and I only played tennis until seventh grade, but those are very
fundamental years.

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and a lot of different coaches that along the way that taught me so much about, you know,
again, about feedback, about shifting, about motivation, about doing hard things, about

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mental discipline and physical discipline and just showing up for yourself.

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And there were a lot of gifts and we had a coach one time when we were maybe in eighth
grade, a bunch of girls and we played on the New York State team.

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And he told us we weren't allowed to give each other a compliment unless it was really
good.

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Cause some girl said that was a great shot.

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And he said, no, that was a terrible shot.

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You're never allowed to say anything nice to each other unless you mean it, unless it's
true.

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And we just were learning really important values and things right from a very early age.

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So I think all of that translates to the corporate world.

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And I saw it right away, right from the beginning.

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was going, I was working at CBS with all these guys and I could handle the feedback from
the executives and they couldn't.

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You know, and it just, saw it right away translating and yeah, so it was, was really,
it's, it's been a huge gift.

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Sports has been a really big gift in my life.

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I couldn't agree more.

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was watching on your website, you have a video where you just talk about your journey.

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And we have a lot of crossovers in our life.

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I too was raised with three brothers.

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Bye.

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except my youngest, the youngest one, he was seven years younger than me.

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And yeah, and I say that all the time because I find myself especially in corporate where
you're surrounded with men and I'm like, yeah, you know, I was raised with three brothers.

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Like I'm used to being beat up.

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Yeah, like I was one of the boys.

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Yeah.

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I always say being raised, you know, being raised with three brothers is like being raised
in a pack of dogs.

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Like I was raised, I was raised like out in the wild with like a pack of dogs.

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And it was like, you know, was like survivor or not.

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And I remember, you know, like all the time we, my brothers would have, we had football
games in our backyard.

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And I was significantly younger.

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My oldest brother's 10 years older than me and eight and a five.

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always want to go out and play and I go out and play and then I come in crying.

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And my mom would always say to me, you don't have to go out there.

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And I would say, yes, I do.

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I have to go back out.

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Because all the fun's happening out there.

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Nothing fun is happening in here in the kitchen.

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It was like survival, you know?

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Right, right.

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I love that you say today you play tennis and ice hockey.

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So I'm obsessed with tennis.

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I unfortunately, I was not handed a tennis racket when I was a kid, or I would have loved
to have taken that route.

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It would have been much more successful than figure skating.

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But I got into figure skating because I wanted to play ice hockey, but this was in the 70s
and girls didn't play ice hockey back then.

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And I wasn't allowed, they're like, no.

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Yeah,

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But so do you play ice hockey today?

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So I actually, cause I had my three brothers and they all played ice hockey.

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When I was young, I said I wanted to play ice hockey and they said I wasn't allowed.

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And I said, I still want to play ice hockey.

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And so my parents let me petition the board at our skating club.

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And I was the first girl ice hockey player.

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And then after that other girls followed and then there, and then, and that was when I was
in fourth grade.

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So that was in the seventies.

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and turning into the eighties.

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And then by the time I was in high school, there was a, there was a girls team.

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And so, and it was, I was very lucky because my parents were on board with being a rebel.

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You know, they could have just said, no, I mean, I was too young to go petition the board
on my own.

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And they said, okay, you know, if you really want to do this, we can, you know, we can, we
can look deeper into it.

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So there is ice hockey teams, know, then I stopped for long time and then I've played, you
know, out here.

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don't play quite as much as I used to.

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Now I'm playing a lot of paddle tennis and pickleball too.

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I've extended my racket sports to three racket sports.

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So, but it's really fun and I love team sports.

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So playing ice hockey has been so much.

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Yeah, see, I never played team sports.

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I think I did one season of softball, because my brothers all played baseball as well.

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So now that I'm playing competitive tennis and you're just playing with one other person,
like, it's been really helpful for me because I feel like I've never been a very good team

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player.

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Right?

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to go from being an individual player to a team player.

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It's very tricky.

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It's very hard.

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it can be a little intimidating.

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One is like you like owning all of it yourself.

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You're like, if I make the mistake, it's on me.

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And if I don't, it's on you.

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But then if you make a mistake, you can feel bad because you made the mistake and your
partner's here.

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But then you can be mad at your partner.

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They make a mistake.

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So it's complicated.

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Team sports are complicated.

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The rest of us like team sports because we like other people making mistakes and not us.

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without having the spotlight on us all the time.

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We like to pass the ball.

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that's what the teams work.

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We like distributing the mistakes around the team.

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So that's why team players, you know, love teams.

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like, you know.

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and I find it kind of, it feels good when I am playing in a tennis match and my partner
makes a mistake and we lose a point of microcafe.

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It wasn't my fault.

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Right, right.

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It's like I said.

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So we've been in a team for so many years, you're so used to it.

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You're like, you're always, you used to have others making the mistake and you making the
mistake.

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The hard thing about a team sport when you're in some arenas is if you're taking the
penalty shot, the game is on you.

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You're taking the foul shot, the game is on you.

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That takes a unique person because that's a lot of high pressure.

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Yeah, it's like the kicker about to make a field goal to win the game and yeah, they don't
win and you just sit there and you're like, like you can just as an athlete, like when you

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see that on television or that you just feel like you know how hard that is.

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Yeah.

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All right, so great transition.

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So you played D1, lacrosse, and soccer.

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How did you handle the pressure of playing two demanding sports at such a high level?

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Because that's tough.

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definitely a different time.

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mean, a lot of people were playing to sports at that time.

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And I feel like, so it wasn't like it is today.

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I mean, honestly it was, and lacrosse also, I would say it was very different than it is
today because it was more underdeveloped.

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I mean, we had people were just like on the field hockey team or coming over and picking
it up.

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even though, I mean, we were very good and it was still intense.

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just, it was just a very different time for sports.

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Having said that, the soccer was actually pretty intense because that was a much more
developed sport.

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But I mean, it's a pretty grueling schedule.

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mean, it's almost impossible to do it in today's world, although there are a handful of
people who do do it.

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But you definitely have to be really organized and stay on top of things.

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And I think it just helps you.

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I I struggled with it too.

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mean, my first year, my grades weren't great.

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I was trying to figure it all out.

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and manage my time.

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You you just, learning as you go along so much, you know, so it definitely is, you know,
it's, it, but it helps you again, like all those fundamental, like you end up in sports,

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taking away all the other fundamentals, learning how to organize your time, learning how
to create priorities, learning how to really structure and carve out the hours of your

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day.

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And so you just like, whereas students, you know, they have so much more free time.

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So it's.

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It's you just learn a lot of really good skills that you take off into life.

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Yeah, so true.

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It really is.

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I feel like, you know, and part of the reason why I wanted to start this second podcast
and television show is because of that, right?

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I really believe that sports is such a great entryway into the corporate world because of
all of those life skills that you're not learning.

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They're not teaching this stuff in schools, you know?

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You don't learn any of that.

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question.

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I mean, there, it's really so many problems I see in corporate America because the people
who don't have, didn't get those skills early on.

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And a lot of parents who don't have it really don't teach their kids how to handle
feedback, how to roll with the punches, how to, even then they're in sporting

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environments.

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The parents are way too involved now.

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I mean, there's so many things that, so many of the good, gifts that we got from our
generation of sports are getting lost.

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You know, I've talked about it a lot with kids sports.

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It's really, it's too bad, you know.

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Yeah, yeah, for sure.

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So can you share a time when you felt like really mentally or physically exhausted and how
you pushed through that when you were in competing in sports?

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Because that's another thing I think that especially in today's world, it's very
different.

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And I don't know that that work ethic is necessarily taught today like it used to be.

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Hmm, it's funny, I can think a lot about in my business doing that a lot.

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Actually, like for example, during COVID, got started getting booked hour after hour after
hour and every single day.

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And before that I'd be booked for hours.

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My whole calendar would be booked by travel.

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So I'd have much more organic breaks and people were needing help into like into the night
and.

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I was mentally just so exhausted and I knew that I just needed to build the brain power
and muscle.

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So just like building your physical muscles, I just knew I had to keep doing the reps and
then the brain power would come with it and then I'd sustain and it happened.

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And then that was like my schedule for the rest of my career has been like back to back
since COVID.

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But in the physical, so I think...

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But I think about, I mean, games or games, know, games we had where, you know, we won a
state championship in high school where it was freezing cold and snowing and raining and

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everybody was dropping because of hypothermia.

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You know, we went into overtime and I scored the goal that I scored a goal and it was one
nothing.

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And then we went in and then they scored and we went into overtime and it was one of those
team environments where it was like, my God, this and like the best players were dropping.

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And I very significantly remember thinking I, I have to, I have to do this because we're,
it's just, no one can do it right now and it's going to have to be me and I'm going to

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have to figure out how to do it.

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And I'm freezing and I feel terrible.

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And I vision, I just visualized this goal and then I made it.

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come to fruition and it happened.

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And it was the first time that school had won the states.

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It was a big celebration.

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But, and that was, that wasn't just exhausting.

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That was like physically exhausting because of the weather elements were so extreme, but
there were definitely, I mean, times throughout college and other times playing on, I

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played on a couple of teams that, you know, were very good.

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And we won the nationals with one of our teams, soccer.

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where it was, you you're just, you're so spent from doing all, you know, all of it, doing
all of the practices and all the lifts and all of the school and all of the travel and all

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of the, I mean, just so many conditions, you know?

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But it's funny, like when I look at it now, I remember more of my current life having
that, like raising kids and running a business and, you know, not getting sleep and having

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to, you know,

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00:15:08,894 --> 00:15:18,129
just do it all, like give presentations and get on stage and get on a plane and prep and
work around the clock and get every, and then be under all the pressure to get it all done

211
00:15:18,129 --> 00:15:28,195
and then get home and get to the play and make the dinner and like, and coach your kid, do
what you're doing for all your clients and doing that for your kid, and steer their life

212
00:15:28,195 --> 00:15:30,746
and make sure you're on top of their humanity.

213
00:15:30,746 --> 00:15:38,240
And that being emotionally exhausting, physically exhausting, intellectually exhausting.

214
00:15:38,346 --> 00:15:46,098
So much even more exhausting than sports, because sports was physical and mental, you
know, but like, guess it was emotional too.

215
00:15:46,098 --> 00:15:52,350
But it feels more, it feels like the stakes are so much higher as an adult than as an
athlete, right?

216
00:15:52,350 --> 00:15:56,801
Because as an athlete, it's a sport, but now it's life.

217
00:15:58,041 --> 00:16:01,452
Now the stakes are a lot higher, because this is life, you know?

218
00:16:01,452 --> 00:16:02,863
And sports are just sports.

219
00:16:02,863 --> 00:16:05,393
I mean, they're great, you know, but they're just sports, right?

220
00:16:05,393 --> 00:16:07,884
I mean, you know, I'm not making, you know,

221
00:16:07,884 --> 00:16:14,284
It's not my, you know, maybe I feel differently if I was an NBA player with a, know, $80
million contract.

222
00:16:15,444 --> 00:16:18,804
Maybe I would say this is life too, right?

223
00:16:18,804 --> 00:16:29,004
But I think for me, it's more about, and it was also so long ago, you know, but I also
feel like for me, it's more about how sports is translated to everything else.

224
00:16:29,004 --> 00:16:33,746
You know, that foundation was so unbelievable, you know.

225
00:16:33,746 --> 00:16:34,607
for sure.

226
00:16:34,607 --> 00:16:35,987
Yeah, for sure.

227
00:16:36,088 --> 00:16:52,037
Is there any experience that you went through physically and mentally where that is like
the one thing that you fall back on when you're faced with some sort of challenge in front

228
00:16:52,037 --> 00:16:59,561
of you and you, you know, you, we all have moments of confidence, lack of confidence.

229
00:17:00,492 --> 00:17:07,135
What was that one thing or is there one thing that you can look back at and say, I did
that.

230
00:17:07,256 --> 00:17:08,559
I got, did that.

231
00:17:08,559 --> 00:17:10,394
I know I can accomplish this.

232
00:17:10,394 --> 00:17:19,717
there was something, mean, there, there, thankfully there've been a number of things that
I felt like gave me wins in athletics in my career, in my life that really gave me

233
00:17:19,717 --> 00:17:20,847
confidence.

234
00:17:21,067 --> 00:17:26,388
But I'm going to say, tell you this one thing that happened to me that was significant and
changed my life.

235
00:17:26,388 --> 00:17:35,120
And I I've harkened back to it many, many, many times when I was in, I was young, you
know, and I remember I'm harkening to things that were young because those imprinting

236
00:17:35,120 --> 00:17:38,631
years, time in your life really create a blueprint for the rest of your life.

237
00:17:38,732 --> 00:17:41,442
So the imprinting years start, stop at the age of 10.

238
00:17:41,442 --> 00:17:44,312
And this was probably more like age 12 or 13.

239
00:17:44,312 --> 00:17:47,252
So it was later, but it still was very fundamental.

240
00:17:47,252 --> 00:17:50,692
I was at a regional camp.

241
00:17:50,692 --> 00:17:52,932
I think it was at one of the Olympic development camps.

242
00:17:52,932 --> 00:17:59,192
And there was a coach there who was well, very well known and, and, know, a pretty famous
coach.

243
00:17:59,192 --> 00:18:04,278
And at the end of the camp, I overheard him basically saying that I did not have what it
took.

244
00:18:04,278 --> 00:18:05,749
I was not athletic enough.

245
00:18:05,749 --> 00:18:08,521
I was not gonna, he didn't want to see me having a big future.

246
00:18:08,521 --> 00:18:11,254
And you know, I just didn't have a tip.

247
00:18:11,254 --> 00:18:14,466
And I went home that year and I was devastated.

248
00:18:14,466 --> 00:18:19,030
And I told my local coach and he said, that's, can't listen to that.

249
00:18:19,030 --> 00:18:20,091
That's crazy.

250
00:18:20,091 --> 00:18:22,103
You know, you're amazing, blah, blah, blah.

251
00:18:22,103 --> 00:18:25,826
And the whole year it just like ran through my head like a drum beat.

252
00:18:25,826 --> 00:18:31,861
And I would play, I played so hard and I practiced so hard and I would like try to combat
it, but it just kept running in my head.

253
00:18:31,861 --> 00:18:34,002
was, as a kid, I mean, I was really young.

254
00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:39,173
So the next year I came back to that camp and I was invited back and I played again.

255
00:18:39,173 --> 00:18:43,946
And at of that camp that year, he said I was one of the most talented athletes he'd ever
seen.

256
00:18:44,767 --> 00:18:54,774
And it was a gift because what I learned from that gift is that no one was going to decide
my future ever.

257
00:18:55,755 --> 00:18:58,427
So it wasn't that I was so happy that he thought I was great.

258
00:18:58,427 --> 00:19:02,930
Is that what I learned was he's just a person with an opinion.

259
00:19:03,414 --> 00:19:08,307
And they're gonna meet people my whole life with opinions, but all that matters is this
opinion.

260
00:19:08,348 --> 00:19:09,428
That's it.

261
00:19:10,429 --> 00:19:12,831
So I was like, okay, like that.

262
00:19:12,831 --> 00:19:15,513
And it was one of the most significant learnings of my life.

263
00:19:15,513 --> 00:19:25,820
And that gave me from a very early age, which is such a wake up call, I just never forget
when I heard him say it, I was sure as happy that he said it, but I was like, right,

264
00:19:25,820 --> 00:19:29,182
you're just a man with an opinion and that's all you are.

265
00:19:30,063 --> 00:19:31,174
And your opinions are what?

266
00:19:31,174 --> 00:19:32,094
Thank you.

267
00:19:32,138 --> 00:19:33,989
Yeah, it was pretty amazing.

268
00:19:33,989 --> 00:19:36,270
And I remembered it for the rest of my life.

269
00:19:36,270 --> 00:19:37,770
I was, so I always would remember it.

270
00:19:37,770 --> 00:19:39,311
And it gave me a tremendous amount of confidence.

271
00:19:39,311 --> 00:19:43,593
Cause I thought, look at the end of the day, the only person I face is the person in the
mirror.

272
00:19:43,613 --> 00:19:44,713
That's it.

273
00:19:45,033 --> 00:19:47,515
You know, that's the only person I face.

274
00:19:47,515 --> 00:19:51,596
I also remember some other significant things that were like very turning.

275
00:19:51,596 --> 00:19:55,177
Like coaches, I remember this one coach who knew me so well.

276
00:19:55,318 --> 00:20:00,682
And he could always tell like when I was at my best or

277
00:20:00,682 --> 00:20:02,692
when I was at like good enough.

278
00:20:02,933 --> 00:20:10,275
And if I went into a game, I could score, I might be exaggerating five balls and he might
say to me, that was only good enough.

279
00:20:10,515 --> 00:20:11,835
You were only at your good enough.

280
00:20:11,835 --> 00:20:13,376
And I would be like, he's right.

281
00:20:13,376 --> 00:20:15,937
Like I made it all look good.

282
00:20:15,937 --> 00:20:27,890
But like that was just, it really also made me always recognize where that gap was between
me being in, giving it my all versus just doing what needed to be done.

283
00:20:28,214 --> 00:20:38,087
You know, and they were just these very important mentorship moments that were really
changing and saying that really fundamental and making you show up.

284
00:20:38,087 --> 00:20:47,219
Cause at the end of the day, all you're doing is showing up to you, you know, and, and,
every time you walk on the field and every time you walk on the court, every time you walk

285
00:20:47,219 --> 00:20:50,410
into these circumstances, you're just showing up to you.

286
00:20:50,410 --> 00:20:55,892
And so those, those things were really, really changing in my life.

287
00:20:57,132 --> 00:21:01,433
I'm trying to think about also physical.

288
00:21:01,553 --> 00:21:06,915
So many, big, you know, just wins.

289
00:21:06,915 --> 00:21:13,377
I've had wins that were, you know, they were, know, losses.

290
00:21:14,077 --> 00:21:18,318
Only the losses that were so foundational.

291
00:21:18,318 --> 00:21:22,199
You know, our whole career at UVA, we always wanted to beat UNC in soccer.

292
00:21:22,199 --> 00:21:24,120
We lost them every year.

293
00:21:25,044 --> 00:21:28,546
And we got so close and we were always optimistic.

294
00:21:28,906 --> 00:21:34,069
And just physical, the training was just so, so, hard.

295
00:21:36,731 --> 00:21:43,835
I remember after sports having a hard time understanding why anybody would do fitness.

296
00:21:44,356 --> 00:21:48,758
I only associated fitness with going out and playing a sport.

297
00:21:48,759 --> 00:21:51,250
Who would ever want to do fitness for fun?

298
00:21:51,404 --> 00:21:59,814
I remember thinking you only do it so that you can play for 120 minutes or whatever it is.

299
00:21:59,814 --> 00:22:03,004
That's the only reason you would ever do fitness.

300
00:22:03,344 --> 00:22:05,908
And then I did adjust to that.

301
00:22:05,908 --> 00:22:07,169
Yeah, no, I hear you.

302
00:22:07,169 --> 00:22:14,467
Because I know even for me now to find something, I need to be able to compete in it.

303
00:22:14,467 --> 00:22:19,893
It's just like, I think you want your competitor, always a competitor, you know, and I
love that about tennis.

304
00:22:19,893 --> 00:22:25,719
But I want to circle back to, you know, what your, coach, what that coach said to you.

305
00:22:25,719 --> 00:22:28,882
And what an amazing mentor, because

306
00:22:30,336 --> 00:22:38,534
I remember hearing, and this didn't apply to sports, but it was more of a mindset thing,
but I remember in fifth grade, I had a teacher and it was an art teacher.

307
00:22:38,534 --> 00:22:42,998
And I remember being so proud of this piece of art, this assignment that she gave us.

308
00:22:42,998 --> 00:22:45,440
And I showed the teacher and I was so proud of it.

309
00:22:45,440 --> 00:22:50,524
And she looked at it she just said, that's terrible and walked away, right?

310
00:22:50,605 --> 00:22:52,306
So what do you think happened?

311
00:22:53,348 --> 00:22:56,290
Up until COVID, I never picked up a paintbrush.

312
00:22:56,778 --> 00:23:00,761
And now it's something that I've always wanted to explore, but I didn't do that because of
that.

313
00:23:00,761 --> 00:23:04,282
But that mentor saying to you, that's not good enough.

314
00:23:04,383 --> 00:23:13,948
Like he could have phrased that a million other ways that would have been detrimental for
the growth of your mind as a child, because so often coaches say things to kids.

315
00:23:13,948 --> 00:23:16,310
But that was really brilliant.

316
00:23:16,310 --> 00:23:23,674
And how awesome that you had that coach as a mentor to really teach you that, that like
you can be good.

317
00:23:23,960 --> 00:23:27,165
but sometimes it's not good enough and that's okay to say that, right?

318
00:23:27,165 --> 00:23:32,232
Because you have to be better if you wanna be competitive in your sport.

319
00:23:33,182 --> 00:23:38,635
in the generation that I played sports in, we got really, really tough feedback and I
thought it was great.

320
00:23:38,635 --> 00:23:49,650
I really felt like, and I feel like they've shifted so much to trying to be more positive
and I feel like it's a shame because I feel like in their attempt to be positive, they're

321
00:23:49,650 --> 00:23:50,941
losing truth.

322
00:23:51,201 --> 00:23:54,253
And I think kids can handle it and I think adults can handle it.

323
00:23:54,253 --> 00:23:57,184
I think everyone needs to hear the truth so they can grow.

324
00:23:57,452 --> 00:24:04,691
And when you tell people the truth, they get more accustomed to it and they actually make
better change.

325
00:24:04,691 --> 00:24:10,582
And so I do feel like, I mean, I think that, I think that the...

326
00:24:10,582 --> 00:24:11,893
the top competitors.

327
00:24:11,893 --> 00:24:16,696
I have a daughter who's playing Division I lacrosse right now and she definitely heard the
truth.

328
00:24:16,696 --> 00:24:18,717
But I helped her get the truth.

329
00:24:18,717 --> 00:24:21,699
I would go to coaches and say, let's hear the truth on this.

330
00:24:21,699 --> 00:24:24,270
And then they'd be hesitant because they'd be afraid.

331
00:24:24,270 --> 00:24:25,651
And I'd say, don't worry.

332
00:24:25,651 --> 00:24:26,482
I want to hear it.

333
00:24:26,482 --> 00:24:30,804
And then I'd translate it to her and she'd be like, OK, let's do this.

334
00:24:32,205 --> 00:24:35,267
But I think that can be a real danger today.

335
00:24:35,267 --> 00:24:37,578
I mean, I think, you know, and I think

336
00:24:38,016 --> 00:24:42,730
I think what happened with the artwork was just so sad because it wasn't a passion.

337
00:24:42,730 --> 00:24:44,381
know, it was something that you would drop.

338
00:24:44,381 --> 00:24:51,547
Like when the coach at the other Olympic camp told me I wasn't good enough, I wasn't going
to drop soccer because I loved it too much.

339
00:24:51,547 --> 00:24:53,868
You know, I was going to try to work harder.

340
00:24:54,810 --> 00:24:59,734
But it's in those other things, it's really sad because then you just let it go.

341
00:24:59,734 --> 00:25:03,026
that's really, yeah, it's disappointing.

342
00:25:03,746 --> 00:25:20,855
You know, it is what it is and you learn and you grow and you know, to go back to what you
were saying before, hearing the truth, because so often things are overly sugar coated and

343
00:25:20,855 --> 00:25:30,020
what you don't want to have happen, because as a, you know, when I was coaching figure
skating, I would hear other coaches, I would overhear the conversations with the parents,

344
00:25:30,141 --> 00:25:32,742
yes, if you stick with me, you know, we'll...

345
00:25:33,206 --> 00:25:36,648
you know, little Susie, she'll definitely make it to US Nationals.

346
00:25:36,648 --> 00:25:42,992
And I'm like, like, you know, that's like, you don't want to do that.

347
00:25:42,992 --> 00:25:48,956
Because then you've got a kid who, yes, you want to believe that you can do it and you
want to have those.

348
00:25:48,976 --> 00:25:56,801
But at the end of the day, there are going to be athletes who just don't have what it
takes to make it at that.

349
00:25:56,801 --> 00:25:59,653
And they, I mean, don't you think that's important to know?

350
00:25:59,653 --> 00:26:03,145
If, if I mean,

351
00:26:03,244 --> 00:26:09,764
I think what's important to know is to always level set everyone exactly where they are.

352
00:26:09,904 --> 00:26:16,774
And let them, and because what we've seen even from studying a lot of athletes is that
people are surprised.

353
00:26:16,774 --> 00:26:20,704
mean, they're one of the most famous tennis players nobody thought would go anywhere.

354
00:26:20,704 --> 00:26:23,704
And then they became the most famous tennis player in the world.

355
00:26:23,704 --> 00:26:31,830
I think that, and it's very hard to predict and who someone is at 15, 16, 17 can change
21, who knows.

356
00:26:31,884 --> 00:26:41,584
And 10, you know, they could start out hot and so it's really in their hands, but I think
what's important and this is what we do in corporate America is we level set and tell

357
00:26:41,584 --> 00:26:42,534
people the truth.

358
00:26:42,534 --> 00:26:46,984
And by telling them the truth, they get a chance to really see where they stand.

359
00:26:46,984 --> 00:26:49,264
And it's something that we're missing right now.

360
00:26:49,264 --> 00:26:52,548
I feel like in society is people have gotten away from.

361
00:26:53,174 --> 00:26:54,635
saying where people really stand.

362
00:26:54,635 --> 00:26:56,307
And so there's a lot of confusion.

363
00:26:56,307 --> 00:26:59,429
And in sports, they're getting money to be told they're great.

364
00:26:59,429 --> 00:27:01,691
So like then they keep their businesses going.

365
00:27:01,691 --> 00:27:08,627
it's, like in our world, we didn't pay for play, know, or pay for, you know, play to pay
or whatever it is, you know, we didn't do that.

366
00:27:08,627 --> 00:27:10,058
You just got cut.

367
00:27:10,659 --> 00:27:14,322
People got cut or they made the team, you know, that was it.

368
00:27:14,602 --> 00:27:15,183
Yeah.

369
00:27:15,183 --> 00:27:16,083
Yeah.

370
00:27:16,244 --> 00:27:16,611
Yeah.

371
00:27:16,611 --> 00:27:20,886
you need to give the athletes an idea, okay, this is your goal.

372
00:27:20,886 --> 00:27:29,845
Maybe today you don't have what it takes, but this is what you need to do to get there
instead of giving them these broken, right.

373
00:27:29,845 --> 00:27:30,435
you are.

374
00:27:30,435 --> 00:27:34,837
If you want this, you have to do this, this and this and then you'll be going to be
closer.

375
00:27:34,837 --> 00:27:40,200
I mean, when I was taking my daughter through the division one lacrosse process, it was
the same thing.

376
00:27:40,200 --> 00:27:46,473
It was like she was here and they were like, if she wants to get recruited at this level,
she's got to do all these things.

377
00:27:46,473 --> 00:27:49,394
She's only here and their kids were here, you know?

378
00:27:49,394 --> 00:27:51,865
And so we, okay, what are the things she needs to do?

379
00:27:51,865 --> 00:27:53,430
This, this and this thing.

380
00:27:53,430 --> 00:27:57,634
You know, some kids are gonna do it, some kids aren't, then that's in their hands, you
know?

381
00:27:57,634 --> 00:28:05,570
And then you can meet, you can get to there and meet those other kids and then you start
going further because you keep doing it and the other kids don't.

382
00:28:05,570 --> 00:28:07,932
I mean, it's always a game changer.

383
00:28:08,440 --> 00:28:10,522
Yeah, for sure, for sure.

384
00:28:10,522 --> 00:28:11,773
All right.

385
00:28:11,854 --> 00:28:22,725
Last thing I want to talk about, Liz, is in your bio, on your website, you talk about how
you have developed powerful models that are built upon the most current research on how

386
00:28:22,725 --> 00:28:24,546
people perform best.

387
00:28:24,907 --> 00:28:27,790
you use, please.

388
00:28:28,353 --> 00:28:32,074
you asked me about discomfort and pain and physical pain.

389
00:28:32,074 --> 00:28:34,075
I ran the New York marathon without training.

390
00:28:34,075 --> 00:28:36,495
That would definitely fall in that category.

391
00:28:36,916 --> 00:28:37,576
Yeah.

392
00:28:37,576 --> 00:28:38,876
I don't know why I didn't think of that.

393
00:28:38,876 --> 00:28:39,947
Cause I was thinking about sports.

394
00:28:39,947 --> 00:28:40,487
was like, I don't know.

395
00:28:40,487 --> 00:28:42,777
It was always hard physically hard.

396
00:28:43,198 --> 00:28:46,218
I ran the New York marathon with zero training.

397
00:28:46,218 --> 00:28:46,839
Not kidding.

398
00:28:46,839 --> 00:28:48,019
This is not a joke.

399
00:28:48,019 --> 00:28:52,180
I got into the marathon and my friend was going to run with his girlfriend.

400
00:28:53,076 --> 00:28:57,668
And on a Wednesday, she said, I'm sick and I can't run it.

401
00:28:57,668 --> 00:28:59,618
And the race was on Sunday.

402
00:28:59,838 --> 00:29:01,799
And he was going to propose to her in the race.

403
00:29:01,799 --> 00:29:05,940
he was one of my roommates and I lived with like four people in New York City.

404
00:29:06,060 --> 00:29:08,781
And I said, okay, I'll run it with you.

405
00:29:09,121 --> 00:29:11,832
And I just moved from Aspen to New York in August.

406
00:29:11,832 --> 00:29:13,922
So now it's November 1st.

407
00:29:14,083 --> 00:29:16,523
And he's like, have you lost your mind?

408
00:29:16,523 --> 00:29:19,064
And I was like, I don't know, let's just see how it goes.

409
00:29:19,188 --> 00:29:22,410
And I called a friend of mine who's a trainer in Aspen.

410
00:29:22,410 --> 00:29:24,160
And I said, what do I do?

411
00:29:24,180 --> 00:29:27,132
at first I went out and ran the big loop in the park and I got sore.

412
00:29:27,132 --> 00:29:28,672
That's on Thursday.

413
00:29:29,013 --> 00:29:31,334
Then she said, okay, just start eating.

414
00:29:31,334 --> 00:29:32,224
She said, start eating.

415
00:29:32,224 --> 00:29:33,244
There's nothing you can do.

416
00:29:33,244 --> 00:29:36,096
She was like, nothing you can do except for eat.

417
00:29:36,096 --> 00:29:40,958
She said, start eating and carb load until Saturday at noon.

418
00:29:41,238 --> 00:29:43,199
So she ate everything in front of me.

419
00:29:43,259 --> 00:29:45,568
I was like, my God, I really have to run now.

420
00:29:45,568 --> 00:29:50,811
And she says, stop eating at noon on Saturday and then like dinner and like nothing for
breakfast.

421
00:29:50,811 --> 00:29:52,032
And then just good luck.

422
00:29:52,032 --> 00:30:01,607
And so I got into the race and I was running the race and I was going over the Verrazano
bridge, which is the start.

423
00:30:01,607 --> 00:30:04,408
And it's like going up a mountain and I thought I was going to die.

424
00:30:04,408 --> 00:30:07,520
didn't think I'd get, I didn't think I'd get over the first bridge.

425
00:30:07,756 --> 00:30:10,566
And then we ran through Brooklyn and it was like kind of fun.

426
00:30:10,566 --> 00:30:15,176
And then getting close to the end of Brooklyn, I was getting really tired and I was like,
I want to go home now.

427
00:30:15,176 --> 00:30:16,276
I've ran 13 miles.

428
00:30:16,276 --> 00:30:19,696
This is good enough, but I couldn't go home because I had no money.

429
00:30:19,696 --> 00:30:20,676
So I had to keep running.

430
00:30:20,676 --> 00:30:22,816
So I was like, okay, I'm just going to run to Manhattan.

431
00:30:22,816 --> 00:30:24,005
And then that's it.

432
00:30:24,005 --> 00:30:30,256
And then I ran to Manhattan, which was 16 miles furthest I've ever run in my whole life.

433
00:30:30,376 --> 00:30:35,776
And I got onto first Avenue and everyone was like, you know, and

434
00:30:36,134 --> 00:30:40,096
I had written on my shirt, go naked, because I thought it was funny because everyone's
like, go Liz.

435
00:30:40,096 --> 00:30:41,707
Mine said, go naked.

436
00:30:42,888 --> 00:30:46,030
So everybody was cheering for me because I had go naked.

437
00:30:46,030 --> 00:30:53,914
and then I ran to Harlem by mistake because I got so excited on First Avenue.

438
00:30:53,914 --> 00:30:55,155
And then I had the same problem.

439
00:30:55,155 --> 00:30:58,046
I couldn't quit because I was in Harlem and I had no way of getting home.

440
00:30:58,046 --> 00:30:59,677
So now it's like nobody's there.

441
00:30:59,677 --> 00:31:01,338
And I'm like dying.

442
00:31:01,338 --> 00:31:05,222
And I come back into the park and I got into the park.

443
00:31:05,222 --> 00:31:07,493
and I started to walk.

444
00:31:08,233 --> 00:31:10,794
And like there were probably four miles left.

445
00:31:11,255 --> 00:31:15,336
four miles is, it was like, it was like a hundred to me.

446
00:31:15,336 --> 00:31:16,357
Everything hurt.

447
00:31:16,357 --> 00:31:18,648
mean, literally I'd done no training.

448
00:31:18,648 --> 00:31:19,418
Okay.

449
00:31:19,418 --> 00:31:21,139
Everything I was dying.

450
00:31:21,139 --> 00:31:22,829
And this guy came up to me.

451
00:31:22,829 --> 00:31:28,101
I knew from high school, ran into me and said, finish the race with me.

452
00:31:28,302 --> 00:31:29,862
He said, finish the race with me.

453
00:31:29,862 --> 00:31:31,833
He said, I heard you were running this.

454
00:31:31,833 --> 00:31:33,984
Cause it was like going around like wildfire.

455
00:31:33,984 --> 00:31:38,145
He said, I heard you were running this and you've got to finish the race with me.

456
00:31:38,145 --> 00:31:48,799
And I started moving again, cause I was about to die in the pavement and never, I'd still
be in that place in Central Park right now had I stopped, had I not moved and I finished

457
00:31:48,799 --> 00:31:49,369
the race.

458
00:31:49,369 --> 00:31:53,611
And it was a really interesting experience for a number of reasons.

459
00:31:53,611 --> 00:31:56,091
One is finishing made all the difference.

460
00:31:56,172 --> 00:31:57,812
And that was fascinating.

461
00:31:58,586 --> 00:32:05,971
it was definitely a test of life because I feel like in the, in the race of life, have
like all these ups and like, wow, this is great.

462
00:32:05,971 --> 00:32:07,892
All these downs, right.

463
00:32:07,892 --> 00:32:10,853
And then all these gifts that come along that help you through.

464
00:32:10,853 --> 00:32:11,654
Right.

465
00:32:11,654 --> 00:32:15,006
And it was like the first avenue gift with the cheer people cheering.

466
00:32:15,006 --> 00:32:17,767
It was my partner running with me at the beginning and facing me.

467
00:32:17,767 --> 00:32:20,269
It was the guy at the end who came along.

468
00:32:20,269 --> 00:32:20,559
Right.

469
00:32:20,559 --> 00:32:25,932
And there are all these things that help you, you know, go get to the end and then just
staying in the race.

470
00:32:26,154 --> 00:32:28,846
you know, and not quitting really.

471
00:32:28,846 --> 00:32:30,727
was, pretty life -changing actually.

472
00:32:30,727 --> 00:32:32,168
And I had no anticipation.

473
00:32:32,168 --> 00:32:35,941
I just thought of this random thing I was doing and it ended up being really life
-changing.

474
00:32:35,941 --> 00:32:38,533
Cause I was like, wow, if I can do that, I can probably do anything.

475
00:32:38,533 --> 00:32:42,295
But I also knew I did not do it alone and never could have done it alone.

476
00:32:42,295 --> 00:32:43,216
Never.

477
00:32:43,236 --> 00:32:45,437
And that's kind of why you can't really do it alone.

478
00:32:45,437 --> 00:32:47,879
Like, you know, it's like, you got to stay in the race.

479
00:32:47,879 --> 00:32:53,063
You got to finish and you got to like, you know, take the gifts as you go and be really
grateful.

480
00:32:53,063 --> 00:32:55,064
So it was really great.

481
00:32:55,214 --> 00:33:03,304
I was wondering about that because I did the Marine Corps Marathon, but I trained for it.

482
00:33:03,304 --> 00:33:05,894
So when she said, I was like, what?

483
00:33:06,534 --> 00:33:08,224
Like that was some of the hardest training.

484
00:33:08,224 --> 00:33:16,094
And again, when I did the Marine Corps Marathon, it was in 2006 and I did it through team
and training with Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.

485
00:33:16,974 --> 00:33:22,954
And anybody out there listening, if you want to run a marathon or a half marathon, team
and training has such an amazing organization.

486
00:33:23,214 --> 00:33:34,734
a local chapter near you, because for me, every weekend in the DC metro area, I had 100
people to run with every weekend to train leading up to the marathon.

487
00:33:34,734 --> 00:33:39,894
But I use that, Liz, to this day, anytime I'm faced with something, I'm like, you know
what?

488
00:33:39,894 --> 00:33:41,654
I ran a marathon.

489
00:33:41,974 --> 00:33:43,894
And it was the only one I did.

490
00:33:43,894 --> 00:33:49,322
I see you ran, you are glutton for punishment and wanted to do it a second time.

491
00:33:49,322 --> 00:33:51,643
I know I did it again then I don't even understand.

492
00:33:51,643 --> 00:33:54,733
was like trying to up my time and I didn't train the second time either.

493
00:33:54,733 --> 00:33:56,994
was like, was like, I didn't train the first time.

494
00:33:56,994 --> 00:34:00,365
was such, this is what, these are the bad decisions of your twenties.

495
00:34:00,365 --> 00:34:03,295
That's what that reflects.

496
00:34:03,656 --> 00:34:12,658
But it was really, I will say I was not expecting anything from it and it was actually a
life changing thing.

497
00:34:12,658 --> 00:34:18,219
I mean, I, you all, and you know what it is essentially is like doing hard things.

498
00:34:18,272 --> 00:34:20,836
When you do really hard things, you build confidence.

499
00:34:21,760 --> 00:34:25,867
it was a psychological race, not a physical race.

500
00:34:25,870 --> 00:34:32,230
Yes, I kind of felt that like that anyway, except I was trained, if you weren't.

501
00:34:32,230 --> 00:34:42,230
So when you go into a marathon and you're trained, because most marathon training models,
you really only run 20 miles and then you never really run the full length.

502
00:34:42,390 --> 00:34:46,810
But it became a mental game to finish it.

503
00:34:46,810 --> 00:34:49,050
It was a mental game for sure.

504
00:34:49,350 --> 00:34:50,864
Yeah, yeah.

505
00:34:50,864 --> 00:34:53,834
didn't even want to quit at 13, 16, 18.

506
00:34:53,834 --> 00:34:58,364
I mean, I wanted to quit at every mile mark that I just couldn't.

507
00:34:58,364 --> 00:34:59,834
I was like, I don't know how to get home.

508
00:34:59,834 --> 00:35:02,303
mean, I just might as well just keep running.

509
00:35:03,324 --> 00:35:09,634
I was like, I was going to follow all these people, you know, because I didn't have like a
subway card or something.

510
00:35:09,634 --> 00:35:10,444
I got no money.

511
00:35:10,444 --> 00:35:11,884
Like it wasn't like that time.

512
00:35:11,884 --> 00:35:12,924
It was like a different era.

513
00:35:12,924 --> 00:35:14,998
It's just like, I don't know what else to do here.

514
00:35:14,998 --> 00:35:17,906
And you probably didn't have a cell phone yet either, did you?

515
00:35:17,906 --> 00:35:20,338
God no, God no, there's no such thing.

516
00:35:20,439 --> 00:35:24,962
Anyway, but all those things, I think what's important is that, you know, doing hard
things.

517
00:35:24,962 --> 00:35:34,190
And this is what, again, another thing I think we get, we lose sometimes in our life is
that doing hard things really builds character and it really, it really builds confidence.

518
00:35:34,190 --> 00:35:43,068
And that is life -changing, you know, and a lot, when you're doing hard things, a lot of
times you want to quit those hard things because they're hard, you know, and, and it's

519
00:35:43,068 --> 00:35:46,380
hard, especially as an adult, it's really hard to do hard things.

520
00:35:46,848 --> 00:35:55,398
So, and I find a lot of, I've had this a lot of executives I coach, they're very good at
doing physical hard things, but they're not good at doing emotional hard things.

521
00:35:56,220 --> 00:36:02,139
And that's like really in your life, you got to do the emotionally hard things, you know,
yeah.

522
00:36:02,139 --> 00:36:03,600
Yeah, for sure.

523
00:36:03,600 --> 00:36:14,549
All right, so I wanted to ask you just about you talk about, and I lost it now on your
thing, on your bio.

524
00:36:18,302 --> 00:36:22,078
It's the model that we go off of for how we do our business.

525
00:36:22,078 --> 00:36:28,677
So it's three tiered model on human behavior, business acumen and sports performance.

526
00:36:29,479 --> 00:36:30,012
Yes.

527
00:36:30,012 --> 00:36:43,528
yeah, and you had said in your bio that everything that you do is based on research and
they use that to model the work that you do in your company.

528
00:36:43,528 --> 00:36:45,516
Can you just explain a little bit about that?

529
00:36:45,516 --> 00:36:49,456
Yeah, so I mean, honestly, a lot of the research is the research I'm doing.

530
00:36:49,456 --> 00:36:52,476
So I spent 20 ,000 hours talking to people.

531
00:36:52,476 --> 00:37:01,316
mean, for 15 years, I've talked to people all day, every day, all over the country, all
ages, know, males, females, you name it.

532
00:37:01,316 --> 00:37:04,676
And you start to see human behavior trends.

533
00:37:04,676 --> 00:37:09,856
And then I reread studies and follow different gurus within reason.

534
00:37:09,856 --> 00:37:20,232
But you start to see all these trends and all these patterns and all of these things
emerging from just talking to so many different people and studying their story and

535
00:37:20,232 --> 00:37:22,124
figuring out how to move them.

536
00:37:22,124 --> 00:37:32,210
And the way we move people is through this three -pronged approach of understanding
humans, like understanding their personalities and their behaviors and how they emerge and

537
00:37:32,210 --> 00:37:36,042
what they do in communication, stress, conflict, all of that.

538
00:37:36,042 --> 00:37:42,256
And then through studying their business and helping them figure out how that applies to
performing in the workplace.

539
00:37:42,256 --> 00:37:51,562
And then with the sports performance model, it's like, you know, all the great things that
we get from sports, like feedback and, you know, mindset and physical and emotional

540
00:37:51,562 --> 00:37:58,676
strength and reps and practice, you know, like a lot of reps, like, you know, you do so
many reps in sports to get good.

541
00:37:58,676 --> 00:38:01,974
got to do a lot of reps as an adult to get good.

542
00:38:01,974 --> 00:38:11,948
We talk about reps all the time, like, you know, just to handle focus, handle, you know,
handle actually a lot around focus because people really struggle with focus.

543
00:38:12,929 --> 00:38:18,771
So anyway, and a lot of different ways that we get people really leveling up their lives.

544
00:38:20,312 --> 00:38:20,712
Yeah.

545
00:38:20,712 --> 00:38:21,944
for sure, for sure.

546
00:38:21,944 --> 00:38:25,841
All right, Liz, this has been such an amazing conversation.

547
00:38:25,841 --> 00:38:29,576
Is there anything else that you'd like to share with the audience before we wrap up?

548
00:38:30,227 --> 00:38:32,339
that's a really good question.

549
00:38:32,339 --> 00:38:38,555
I'm sure I'm going to come up with so many sport sporting scenarios after, but,

550
00:38:43,717 --> 00:38:46,697
yeah, I think, yeah, yeah.

551
00:38:46,798 --> 00:38:47,738
Yeah.

552
00:38:48,318 --> 00:38:53,210
I think the only thing I'd say like, and I think this applies to my, every, everywhere.

553
00:38:53,210 --> 00:38:59,122
And I say it all the time is the only person you're the only person you meet is the person
in the mirror.

554
00:38:59,283 --> 00:39:00,003
That's it.

555
00:39:00,003 --> 00:39:09,287
Like, and I always say to my clients, you know, you know, you're, you know, what you look
like in your full potential and you're the one who knows when you're not living into it.

556
00:39:09,667 --> 00:39:12,268
And you're the only one that you have anything to prove it.

557
00:39:12,268 --> 00:39:14,352
and you're going to be your toughest critic.

558
00:39:14,352 --> 00:39:16,835
So always show up to that person in the mirror.

559
00:39:16,976 --> 00:39:20,623
Because they're the one that's deciding everything for you.

560
00:39:20,623 --> 00:39:24,068
And you think it's everyone else, and everyone else's opinion is not.

561
00:39:24,329 --> 00:39:26,482
It's that person in the mirror's opinion.

562
00:39:26,926 --> 00:39:33,456
Well, yeah, and that person in the mirror is going to be dictating every move that you
make.

563
00:39:34,359 --> 00:39:39,357
Because at any moment we have a choice as to how we're going to decide which way we're
gonna go.

564
00:39:39,357 --> 00:39:41,349
Yeah.

565
00:39:41,349 --> 00:39:48,413
think we get really confused because I think we start to think when someone else gives us
negative feedback that they're the problem.

566
00:39:48,413 --> 00:39:52,936
Not recognizing that, that negative feedback has no impact on us if we don't believe it.

567
00:39:53,637 --> 00:39:57,289
So if we believe it, then it's a real problem and we have to fix it.

568
00:39:57,289 --> 00:39:59,397
Right?

569
00:39:59,397 --> 00:40:12,197
And take a lesson from Liz Bentley that she took from hearing that statement from the
Olympic trials coach or, you know, from the Olympic camp that she went to and you use that

570
00:40:12,197 --> 00:40:13,248
as fuel.

571
00:40:13,686 --> 00:40:16,919
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I did.

572
00:40:16,919 --> 00:40:18,152
It was great.

573
00:40:19,118 --> 00:40:19,833
Yeah.

574
00:40:19,833 --> 00:40:31,952
when you think about that, that, that to me, well, the outside looking in, I think that
was just a big pivotal moment for you because you, you learned that you can make these

575
00:40:31,952 --> 00:40:38,176
changes and you can be that person that you want to be and accomplish what you want to
accomplish.

576
00:40:38,314 --> 00:40:39,445
Yeah, absolutely.

577
00:40:39,445 --> 00:40:42,649
that everyone, they're just, it's just their opinion.

578
00:40:42,991 --> 00:40:45,374
You know, you can, you know, their opinion matters.

579
00:40:45,374 --> 00:40:47,987
It matters, but it's just the opinion of a person.

580
00:40:47,987 --> 00:40:48,818
You can grow through it.

581
00:40:48,818 --> 00:40:50,290
You can develop, you can get better.

582
00:40:50,290 --> 00:40:56,108
You can do, and they also, you know, you can prove them wrong or right, whatever it is.

583
00:40:56,532 --> 00:40:59,384
All right, Liz, thank you so much for joining me today.

584
00:40:59,384 --> 00:41:02,366
And thank you to everyone listening.

585
00:41:02,366 --> 00:41:06,378
yeah, take care, everyone.

586
00:41:06,516 --> 00:41:08,183
All right, thanks so much.