355. Reset Point: Anish Patel’s Journey from Burnout to Bliss

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Anish, thank you so much for joining me today.

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It's such a privilege to have you on.

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How's everything going?

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Yeah, good, good.

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I'm back home after a trip in Morocco and just relaxing in my house and glad to be back
home and to do this interview with you because I don't know, it's exciting to meet new

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people and present to your viewers whatever we're going to present now.

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so for the audience, Anisha is talking to me from Portugal outside of Lisbon, which I just
found so glamorous and everything.

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And it's probably right.

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It's like no different than living anywhere else because you get used to it, right?

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Yeah, I don't see it as glamorous at all.

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think it's actually the opposite.

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I think it's super humble because I live in a fishing village and all the guys are just
these very basic fishermen.

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But I think it's beautiful because they're just very simple in the way they live.

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And me born in a city lifestyle, it's very new for me to kind of be in that kind of
lifestyle.

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And yeah, I take a walk with my dog on the beach and I walk and they're all fishing there
with their rods.

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And that's a hobby that I would like to do sometime.

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I don't know, I have to learn that, but it's a completely different experience.

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I'm sure, I'm sure.

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So maybe glamorous isn't the right word.

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Just exotic, it's different, it's mysterious, it's kind of, you know, it's the unknown for
all of those of us who've always lived in the United States and never, you know, haven't

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really had a chance to be abroad that much.

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But in any event, I want to hear about your backstory because I'm looking at your bio.

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You've got some really great experience, but I want to hear it from you.

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So please tell the audience where you came from and how you got to where you are today and
what it is that you do.

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Yeah, sure.

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So I don't know how or where to start because it's a long story.

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But it pretty much started when I was 25.

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I'm 42 years old.

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And it started when I left my city of London where I was born to go traveling to
Argentina.

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And I lived there and I lived in Germany and I lived in other countries all over the
world.

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So I've been traveling the world for a very long time.

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Basically, I

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What was it?

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I think when I was 27, I ended up quit, well 25, I quit my job, working in banking.

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I was fed up with it.

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I was absolutely drained because it wasn't what I wanted to do.

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And I sensed that in myself because I was successful on paper, but I wasn't fulfilled
inside.

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So there was almost like emptiness inside.

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So I took that as a sign that I need to go and follow my heart or follow your deep purpose
and where I need to go.

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And that's what led me to basically quit my job and break up my relationship in one day.

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I literally did it from one day to the next.

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because one of my friends, basically I talked for this for years and my friend basically
coaxed me and said, you're talking shit.

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You need to, you need to just bite the bullet.

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And I just, and I got so upset and I'll come doing it.

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And I,

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I broke up with my girlfriend the next day.

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It was horrible.

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And I just booked a one -way ticket and I gave my resignation.

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we say, should or get off the pot.

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Exactly, I did say it, I call it just buying the bullet or burn the boat and just go and
just don't even look back and I took a one -way ticket to Buenos Aires and didn't know

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anyone there, didn't know the language, it was a complete unknown adventure.

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Set up a TV channel there, kind of a weird party channel in the early days of YouTube,
going in night clubs, going to all these fitness...

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weird parties and meeting interesting people.

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Went completely broke, completely broke.

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In fact, I was nearly homeless, had shingles.

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And then for some reason I took a trip to the mountains.

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I needed to take a trip to get away from everything.

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And then three days I had this clarity about starting something, a business.

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But it wasn't even about

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making money, it was a decision I made because I had to ask my father for money at one
point.

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I had savings, but I ran out and I asked him for some money.

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But I knew I couldn't do that.

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I had to be independent in my finances.

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So that was the only decision is just to be independent.

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That led me to start my business, which honestly, I didn't really expect to make much
money.

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just honestly just wanted to be independent.

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But within a short amount of time, I actually ended up making seven figures.

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It shot up.

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I'm actually very surprised.

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And what I realized is that I was using my intuition a lot in this journey.

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I was using a lot of principles that I didn't realize until now, which I've written in my
book, which is also what I want to talk about.

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But that led me to a point where I had a lot of hours of success.

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I had lot of hours of success, money, glamorous life.

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After that period, I traveled even more.

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I moved to Berlin, I had a penthouse.

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And that's when the burnout started because I had a lot of hours of success, but then I
was very empty inside.

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I probably had nearly like 80 ,000 coming in a month.

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My friend was saying to me, earn more money than everyone, you're doing so well.

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And I said to him, I don't care.

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Like it doesn't matter, I'm really, I'm miserable, yeah, I'm miserable.

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And that led to me in my journey about finding about like, who am I?

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Like, what do I want in my life?

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And I used various means like art.

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At the beginning it was art, writing, poetry, acting.

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And then there was a weird experience.

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I hope I'm not talking too much about this, but I'm in.

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great.

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That's awesome.

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Yeah.

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had a weird experience because I saw loads of therapists to understand what was going on
in me because I had a lot of stuff balled up.

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No one helped.

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So I had no kind of success in finding out what was happening with me.

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And then some, I think it was just after my 33rd birthday, I just decided to lie on the
floor of my Berlin apartment.

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I closed, I locked everything.

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stayed inside for 10 days and I just lied there and I was just watching myself.

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So the idea was just, look, I need to just find out what's happening inside me.

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was just like, I need to go within.

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And it started with nothing.

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It was just my mind racing.

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I was completely numb from the neck down.

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And then suddenly I had a crack in my chest and everything just came up.

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All my grief, all my bottled up stuff, it all came up in one go.

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And...

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That was the first kind of emotional spiritual awakening I had.

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Almost by intuition, I don't know, I had no idea why I did it, but I knew I had to do it.

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It opened up a whole new world for me where I was completely emotionally open.

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So I, you want to call it empath or sensitivity, that's my starting point into that
journey.

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Because before that was completely numb.

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I had a lot of drug addiction.

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had alcohol addiction.

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I had sex addiction, I had all these things I was using to escape the pain that was inside
me.

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And after that point, it opened a whole new, complete world for me because I felt things.

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I could feel people's emotions, I felt everything.

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And then I studied to be an actor.

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So I had a business, but I said I want to go into acting because it was a way to connect
to myself.

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And I also wanted, always wanted to be an actor since I was a kid.

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Went through the acting period to get to understand myself deeper.

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And somewhere between there, I started going on a self -help personal journey for the
next, I think it was the next seven years where I was just spending, spending so much

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money on courses, on coaches, masters.

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just went gung -ho into anything.

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This is like part of my personality.

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When I want to understand something, I just go deep into it.

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So it seems like...

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that's why I'm laughing, because I do the same thing.

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Yeah, I I probably spent, I'm not boasting but it was, I think I'm pretty stupid for doing
it but I probably spent three, four hundred thousand dollars on courses and things to

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understand this because once the Pandora's box is open then all your problems appear so
all your suffering appears and you're like my god how do I deal with all this it's like

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So I studied various modalities like somatic experience, I studied energy work, I
experimented with reiki, all sorts of things.

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Qi Gong, I went to fly around the world to study with various gurus, masters.

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And so I thought at one level I was improving.

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So in personal development, it's somehow improving growth, that kind of thing.

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And then what happened in the last, but just I think during COVID it happened.

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I hit this complete meltdown where I realized I hadn't gone anywhere.

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So I tricked myself in thinking I was getting better, but I was still miserable inside.

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There was something I wasn't completely tackling.

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And so I had a four years ago, I went to a cabin in Portugal and I just had a complete
spiritual crash.

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And after that period,

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something very mysterious happened.

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I started feeling a lot of peace and I realized everything was actually here right now in
the present.

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And it sounds very strange, but I probably hit something that I needed to go down into
that I had been avoiding, the so -called root of a lot of the pain that I was

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experiencing.

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And

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I call these things a spiral.

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I've read a book and I talk about this.

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It's about we're going down this ever deepening spiral and we're hitting checkpoints where
we're actually evolving.

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So people call these midlife crisis or dark night of the soul.

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And when you hit one major part of these, that's when your whole ego or part of your ego
collapses.

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So what I realized was me being a go -getter, trying to be better was my ego.

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protecting myself from what I needed to actually go into, which was the pain.

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And I realized, my whole life was about being someone or being better and it was complete
lie.

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And the only truth is that you can be with what is here right now and the success is here
already.

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There is nothing to chase outside.

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This is something people understand obviously in their head and stuff, but this is when I
actually

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really experienced it in my body for the first time.

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And the spiritual teachers call this presence.

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Because I never knew, I heard this word, but I didn't really know what it was until I had
this experience.

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I call these things resets.

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people have, there's a word called reset.

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People go through these resets where they go through major transitions.

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And these are all ways of how we deepen.

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deeper into who we are, deeper into who we really are inside.

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it's an ever -growing process because we're always breaking parts of our ego and releasing
and releasing and releasing.

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I don't think there is an end.

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think, I don't think, people talk about enlightenment.

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I don't even think that's the point because it's an end goal.

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There is no end goal.

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So.

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Right.

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Well, that's why I always say, you know, happiness is a journey.

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It's not a destination.

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And everything that you're talking about is the way our, my opinion, my, what I believe
it's our soul's journey.

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And we're going to have periods of, you know, really being low because your body's

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and your mind is figuring out things, peeling the layers of the onion away, right?

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So what you've been doing is you've been peeling away these layers and we're never done
peeling those layers, right?

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And...

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I mean, don't mean this isn't a bad thing.

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I think it's a really good thing when you look at it from a different perspective, because
I know for me, any time that things get really uncomfortable for me, I know that there's a

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breakthrough coming.

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Because in order to grow, you have to be comfortable being uncomfortable.

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Growth cannot happen in the space of the comfort of where you are.

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You have to break out of that comfort zone.

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and really take that deep dive and figure it out and feel the pain, right?

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Because it is, it's pain.

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It's a lot of fear.

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Most of it's fear, right?

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We have a lot of it's fear because I don't know, Anish, for me, I feel like we're either
experiencing love or we're experiencing pain or fear, right?

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It's love or fear.

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You have consciousness or ego.

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Consciousness is love, ego is fear.

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to put it in some simple terms.

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But yeah, I what you've been going through, you know, a couple of years ago, I said to one
of my coaches, I'm like, am I done yet?

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Because I want to be done.

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I'm ready to be done.

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Like I'm done.

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Can I just sit back and like, sit back and have a drink and sit on the beach and be like,
okay, I'm done.

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No, no, no, it's not that simple.

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No.

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I mean it sucked because yeah, made a joke.

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said sometimes I just would like to not even do any of this.

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I just want to bottle of whiskey and forget about it.

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Like why did I open that box?

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Like I wish I never opened it.

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But...

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about it, right?

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Yeah, but I gotta say, I've never felt this fulfilled and this is another weird word to
say because it's not something I can necessarily talk about.

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It's a felt sense.

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I mean, I had a lot of heaviness on me for a very long time.

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You might call that depression, you might call that other stuff, but I had a heaviness
that was with me since I was a kid.

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And now I feel so much lighter.

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and I find pleasure in the most simplest things.

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could be walking across some...

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I could be in a cafe and sitting there in pure bliss.

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I don't know if it's bliss, it's peace.

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I never had this in my entire life.

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I don't know what to...

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I was like, what's going on?

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had a teacher, the last teacher, I got to give him credit because he was the one who told
me about presence and he had this feeling in his body and I could never understand what he

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was talking about until the last...

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until I had this, you call it breakthrough, I call it reset point.

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I never could understand it until this part of my life.

220
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And it kind of takes away all the pressures we put on ourselves to be somewhere else or
succeed.

221
00:16:21,946 --> 00:16:26,358
And I feel like there's a big pressure for a lot of people right now in social media.

222
00:16:26,358 --> 00:16:30,018
And even when I look at it, I'm like, there's a big striving.

223
00:16:30,018 --> 00:16:36,378
to get somewhere rather enjoying than where things are right now.

224
00:16:36,858 --> 00:16:43,818
And that's kind of why I came into teaching because it started in 2020.

225
00:16:43,818 --> 00:16:47,198
I was teaching people already because I wanted to kind of help people.

226
00:16:47,198 --> 00:16:48,498
People were struggling.

227
00:16:48,498 --> 00:16:55,358
And then I kind of avoided it after I went through my crash and I just thought, fuck, I
don't want to be a teacher.

228
00:16:55,358 --> 00:16:57,038
Like, I don't know shit.

229
00:16:57,278 --> 00:16:59,400
I haven't even sorted myself out yet.

230
00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:02,192
Like, why would...

231
00:17:02,192 --> 00:17:07,907
And then later, I'm just realizing more and more like, I'm avoiding this.

232
00:17:07,907 --> 00:17:12,050
Especially writing a book, because I just finished a book which talks all about this.

233
00:17:12,050 --> 00:17:20,217
I had a deep fear of doing that, because I didn't feel what I had to talk about meant
anything.

234
00:17:22,119 --> 00:17:25,901
But then I knew that was fear, and that's a good reason to do it.

235
00:17:26,101 --> 00:17:30,482
when you have massive fear about anything, that means you should do it.

236
00:17:30,642 --> 00:17:35,743
Because it's saying that that's got a lot of power behind it.

237
00:17:35,743 --> 00:17:40,263
That fear is actually power.

238
00:17:40,864 --> 00:17:45,004
Because all our suffering is actually potential.

239
00:17:46,124 --> 00:17:47,075
And that's what I talk about.

240
00:17:47,075 --> 00:17:55,466
It's actually using your suffering to propel yourself towards yourself, towards your
potential.

241
00:17:55,975 --> 00:17:57,601
and not avoid it.

242
00:17:58,306 --> 00:18:03,408
Yeah, well, it's always gonna be there, number one.

243
00:18:03,749 --> 00:18:06,350
And it's about discerning it, right?

244
00:18:06,350 --> 00:18:10,672
So you realize you're afraid and you gotta look at it.

245
00:18:10,672 --> 00:18:12,413
Okay, this is fear.

246
00:18:12,413 --> 00:18:14,073
Where's this coming from?

247
00:18:14,894 --> 00:18:21,127
Because what happens is you may feel the fear and then we start making up stories, right?

248
00:18:21,127 --> 00:18:23,057
We start making up stories.

249
00:18:23,538 --> 00:18:24,192
well.

250
00:18:24,192 --> 00:18:26,343
this could happen or that could happen, right?

251
00:18:26,343 --> 00:18:28,224
You just start making up stuff.

252
00:18:28,224 --> 00:18:36,529
And so it's about discernment and recognizing it for what it is and realizing that you
have a choice.

253
00:18:36,529 --> 00:18:44,093
You can either use that fear to squash what it is that you want to accomplish, or you can
use it to propel you forward.

254
00:18:44,093 --> 00:18:53,998
And say fear, like what I do is I'm like, I actually put a face to it because I know that
for me in particular,

255
00:18:54,472 --> 00:18:57,804
my fear comes from childhood trauma for the most part.

256
00:18:57,804 --> 00:19:02,827
And I think that's probably true for everybody, but I'm not going to, you know, say that's
across the board.

257
00:19:02,827 --> 00:19:05,668
I just know for me personally, that's where it comes from.

258
00:19:05,829 --> 00:19:09,691
So it has a name, which is the name that my father gave me.

259
00:19:09,691 --> 00:19:17,316
It was my nickname when I was a little girl and I just tell her, I would like get in the
back seat, put your seatbelt on because I'm driving.

260
00:19:17,316 --> 00:19:18,477
I'm in charge.

261
00:19:18,477 --> 00:19:21,058
You can just sit back there and come along with me.

262
00:19:21,452 --> 00:19:23,783
but you're not gonna control me and you're not gonna drive.

263
00:19:23,783 --> 00:19:25,083
I'm the driver.

264
00:19:27,425 --> 00:19:34,808
And I just kind of, I like visualization and it's a tool that people can use to help them.

265
00:19:34,908 --> 00:19:42,131
And I started using this with fear because I know for me personally, fear shows up more
often than not.

266
00:19:42,811 --> 00:19:48,834
Because I'm a go getter, because I have my own business, because I'm working on exciting
projects and...

267
00:19:49,022 --> 00:19:50,923
and, and, and, right?

268
00:19:50,923 --> 00:19:54,314
When you have all these things going on that are amazing, there's going to be fear.

269
00:19:54,314 --> 00:20:06,429
And so for me, it's, it's the fear of, you know, Emma, you know, putting aside the
perfectionism, okay, it doesn't have to be perfect, right?

270
00:20:06,429 --> 00:20:10,014
You know, all of those little things, you know.

271
00:20:10,014 --> 00:20:17,700
Yeah, it's, I mean, the strongest, the strongest form of fear is shame.

272
00:20:18,561 --> 00:20:29,891
That's the one I was battling with because especially in COVID, I was battling that one
particularly, especially towards my sexuality because I had a big sexual trauma I didn't

273
00:20:29,891 --> 00:20:39,082
even know about when I was four years old, which I'd conquered, which had basically been
holding me down for a long time.

274
00:20:39,082 --> 00:20:43,204
And that was an excruciating experience.

275
00:20:43,645 --> 00:20:51,710
And it was tied to race too, which is interesting because a lot of that sexual shame was
tied to my racial identity.

276
00:20:52,511 --> 00:20:57,275
People talk about racism and racial prejudice.

277
00:20:57,275 --> 00:21:02,698
mean, lot of that's tied to shame, about shame of their own race and identity.

278
00:21:02,698 --> 00:21:05,270
So my sexuality was linked to all three of those.

279
00:21:05,270 --> 00:21:06,481
That's my experience.

280
00:21:06,481 --> 00:21:08,202
I don't know if that's for everyone.

281
00:21:08,320 --> 00:21:10,611
what I realized I had those three tied in.

282
00:21:10,611 --> 00:21:21,236
Once I had actually gone into that, a lot of my fear of being judged because of my race
kind of disappeared, especially me being okay with my skin color.

283
00:21:21,816 --> 00:21:31,320
And I used to have a lot more stigma about that when I was out and about and feeling
people would judge me because I'm a person of color.

284
00:21:32,061 --> 00:21:34,262
It doesn't really bother me as much.

285
00:21:34,454 --> 00:21:39,494
I mean it comes in, like it doesn't go away, the thought comes in but there's no charge to
it anymore.

286
00:21:40,802 --> 00:21:41,443
Yeah.

287
00:21:41,443 --> 00:21:44,866
So what do you do when you have those things that come up?

288
00:21:44,866 --> 00:21:47,908
Because, you know, those are pretty big things.

289
00:21:47,908 --> 00:21:49,488
That's your identity.

290
00:21:49,910 --> 00:21:58,657
So how do you, what tools do you use to help you to put those aside and restore your
piece?

291
00:21:59,564 --> 00:22:08,492
So I have this, what I realized, because people talk about meditation and there's a bit of
a misconception of what that is.

292
00:22:08,492 --> 00:22:12,346
Because meditation is not about doing anything.

293
00:22:12,346 --> 00:22:14,847
It's about letting things come up.

294
00:22:15,389 --> 00:22:16,950
So we're sitting with ourselves.

295
00:22:16,950 --> 00:22:19,913
I talked about Berlin where I sat on the floor.

296
00:22:19,913 --> 00:22:26,078
I was just observing what was happening inside and watch my ego.

297
00:22:27,298 --> 00:22:39,562
trying to get in the way because let's say we're, this is the analogy I use, we're a
container, we're like a glass of water filled with junk.

298
00:22:39,842 --> 00:22:43,232
Let's say these are emotions, traumas, thoughts, whatever.

299
00:22:43,232 --> 00:22:45,313
We have a lid on top of that water.

300
00:22:45,313 --> 00:22:48,044
Let's say that the water wants to just come up.

301
00:22:48,084 --> 00:22:49,585
It naturally just wants to come up.

302
00:22:49,585 --> 00:22:50,745
The lid will stop there.

303
00:22:50,745 --> 00:22:52,366
So it's like a cooker like this.

304
00:22:52,366 --> 00:22:54,046
That lid is the ego.

305
00:22:55,530 --> 00:23:06,299
So in meditation or what I talk about a lot in the book is that it's about watching, being
with the feelings, being with the thoughts, but also seeing what the ego is doing in

306
00:23:06,299 --> 00:23:08,921
reaction to those thoughts and emotions.

307
00:23:09,202 --> 00:23:12,825
And not about controlling or label it's good or bad because that's what we do.

308
00:23:12,825 --> 00:23:14,086
We think ego is evil.

309
00:23:14,086 --> 00:23:16,968
It's not evil, it's just a mechanism.

310
00:23:16,968 --> 00:23:23,904
You're watching that and with that awareness, that automatically allows things to come up.

311
00:23:24,406 --> 00:23:25,853
and it will just come upon its own.

312
00:23:25,853 --> 00:23:27,718
You don't have to do anything.

313
00:23:27,768 --> 00:23:29,191
Yeah.

314
00:23:29,191 --> 00:23:30,164
you don't.

315
00:23:30,164 --> 00:23:31,336
You don't have to summon it.

316
00:23:31,336 --> 00:23:32,594
It's going to show up.

317
00:23:32,594 --> 00:23:36,736
Yeah, I mean you can summon it, you can ask yourself questions.

318
00:23:36,736 --> 00:23:39,748
I'll tell you one thing, when I healed my...

319
00:23:39,748 --> 00:23:43,820
I know you're going to ask about the racial thing, but I'll get to that in a minute.

320
00:23:43,820 --> 00:23:46,482
But for example, I was an alcoholic, I'm British.

321
00:23:46,482 --> 00:23:48,612
So in our culture, we all have...

322
00:23:48,612 --> 00:23:51,084
we drank, we come with a background of drinking.

323
00:23:51,084 --> 00:23:53,756
I couldn't shake this problem for years.

324
00:23:53,756 --> 00:23:56,597
I tried to use willpower, it didn't work.

325
00:23:56,597 --> 00:24:00,469
So what happened one day was I was meditating, I just asked myself a question.

326
00:24:00,469 --> 00:24:02,070
When did this start?

327
00:24:02,306 --> 00:24:04,206
When did I start drinking?

328
00:24:04,366 --> 00:24:10,245
And then my memory brought back a moment with my father and my brother -in -law.

329
00:24:10,245 --> 00:24:14,266
And I was only 16 or 15 years old and I loved drinking soft drinks.

330
00:24:14,266 --> 00:24:16,486
And they said to me, here's a beer.

331
00:24:16,486 --> 00:24:18,940
You're a real man if you drink.

332
00:24:19,406 --> 00:24:20,067
you

333
00:24:20,764 --> 00:24:31,989
and I didn't even want it but they're saying no you're only you're a real man if you drink
so when I got in touch with that memory and the feelings associated with that I stopped

334
00:24:31,989 --> 00:24:44,644
drinking from next day one day to the next and I don't think it's as simple as that what
happened because I spent a lot of years before that meditating a lot so I was in my body

335
00:24:45,085 --> 00:24:47,245
so this is another key component

336
00:24:49,034 --> 00:24:56,317
When we are actually in present in our entire body, that's when we can actually release
the deepest pain and roots.

337
00:24:56,317 --> 00:25:00,139
A lot of people meditate up here in their head.

338
00:25:00,459 --> 00:25:07,762
So they'll be sitting there on the meditation mat and they're like, I'm meditating, I'm
meditating, but they're present only on this part of the body.

339
00:25:09,103 --> 00:25:16,846
And if you have pain trapped in other parts of the body, you won't release that pain
because you're just cycling through things up here.

340
00:25:17,590 --> 00:25:22,572
So for you to actually release the deepest pain, you need to be fully present in all part
of your body.

341
00:25:22,572 --> 00:25:28,574
That requires a lot of time to drop down into your body or what I call the container.

342
00:25:28,574 --> 00:25:35,516
So you can be completely present with the whole body and that allows all the deep stuff to
come up.

343
00:25:35,516 --> 00:25:37,576
It requires a lot of patience.

344
00:25:38,357 --> 00:25:40,598
That's how I got in touch with my sexual trauma.

345
00:25:40,598 --> 00:25:41,498
was...

346
00:25:42,516 --> 00:25:46,188
I was completely cut off from my lower body.

347
00:25:46,188 --> 00:25:49,530
was feeling a lot of stuff on my chest and my stomach.

348
00:25:49,530 --> 00:25:52,091
I didn't feel anything in my lower body.

349
00:25:52,091 --> 00:25:55,073
So the psychologists call this hip.

350
00:25:55,553 --> 00:25:58,875
I think it's hip pelvic split.

351
00:25:59,435 --> 00:26:08,340
It's when someone feels a lot in their heart and they're like, I feel a lot of love and I
feel a of oneness, but they don't feel anything in their lower body.

352
00:26:08,900 --> 00:26:12,168
So a lot of things like sexual trauma, a lot of...

353
00:26:12,168 --> 00:26:14,790
violent trauma can be stored in the lower body.

354
00:26:14,790 --> 00:26:16,461
So I had this.

355
00:26:16,582 --> 00:26:27,970
When I went through my spiritual seeking stage, was going, I was doing a lot of, what do
call these, spiritual, pseudo spiritual work.

356
00:26:28,671 --> 00:26:29,852
I don't know if you know what this is.

357
00:26:29,852 --> 00:26:33,945
It's like, I'm doing spiritual work, but it's not really healing anything.

358
00:26:33,945 --> 00:26:38,058
It's because I've cut myself off at one level of my body.

359
00:26:39,264 --> 00:26:49,781
When I started actually getting deeper into my body, I actually started feeling things
around my genital areas, in my buttocks, a lot of trauma was stored in these areas.

360
00:26:49,822 --> 00:26:54,505
And once I got in touch with that, that's where the real root was stored.

361
00:26:54,505 --> 00:27:01,780
A lot of identity as a man, lot of identity as who I was, was all in my whole genital
area.

362
00:27:02,177 --> 00:27:10,719
Yeah, well yeah, because if you had that sexual trauma, then that would definitely affect
you on a very deep level.

363
00:27:10,719 --> 00:27:11,659
Yeah, for sure.

364
00:27:11,659 --> 00:27:17,711
So when you got in touch with that, was this all through visualization?

365
00:27:17,711 --> 00:27:19,901
Like, because for me, no?

366
00:27:20,241 --> 00:27:23,068
Okay, so I'll just let you go ahead and explain.

367
00:27:23,068 --> 00:27:29,400
No, no, it's to be absolutely present with what is happening right now, right here.

368
00:27:29,701 --> 00:27:31,201
There's no...

369
00:27:31,421 --> 00:27:33,562
So this is how I would say it.

370
00:27:35,663 --> 00:27:37,864
The real work is very simple.

371
00:27:38,764 --> 00:27:41,285
It's very simple, but it's very hard.

372
00:27:41,746 --> 00:27:47,078
Because the reason why is because then you will feel pain and people do not want to feel
pain.

373
00:27:47,078 --> 00:27:52,840
They want to find a magical way to feel happy and it doesn't work like that.

374
00:27:53,212 --> 00:28:05,611
it can be excruciating and it was excruciating for me like I mean when I had to feel this
pain the closest I can describe it was like I could feel battery acid in my whole lower

375
00:28:05,611 --> 00:28:21,216
body it was like almost like everything was burning up in agonizing pain and yeah it was
it was pretty awful but that was because I had to be completely completely present

376
00:28:21,216 --> 00:28:24,128
with what was right there, right here and right now.

377
00:28:24,349 --> 00:28:26,711
And that's incredibly difficult to do.

378
00:28:26,711 --> 00:28:30,014
It's very difficult for a lot of people to do that.

379
00:28:30,014 --> 00:28:42,234
They would love to find a solution that's magical or easier or kind of circumvents that
because a lot of these things are called complicated solutions, a lot of these things out

380
00:28:42,234 --> 00:28:44,546
there, which I did.

381
00:28:44,982 --> 00:28:47,224
But I realized the true work is very simple.

382
00:28:47,224 --> 00:28:52,209
It's actually so simple that it's not easy for people to do.

383
00:28:52,622 --> 00:29:05,037
So you felt the pain and did you just sit and like, did you, I guess when I was saying
visualizing, were you like sending, visualizing, sending love to the pain or like, what

384
00:29:05,037 --> 00:29:06,209
was that experience like?

385
00:29:06,209 --> 00:29:09,328
Did you just sit in pain until it diminished?

386
00:29:09,328 --> 00:29:11,150
I was feeling it.

387
00:29:11,392 --> 00:29:17,611
So feeling is just being with it and it's about being with it and yeah.

388
00:29:17,611 --> 00:29:19,807
did it take for it to dissipate?

389
00:29:23,547 --> 00:29:27,421
Well, I was working with a somatic therapist, I mean it was an ongoing thing.

390
00:29:27,421 --> 00:29:29,630
mean the whole year I had to go with it.

391
00:29:29,630 --> 00:29:33,750
Okay, so this was like multiple sessions of experiencing this.

392
00:29:33,750 --> 00:29:45,630
myself and going into it every day because the thing is it's not something that will go in
one minute or 30 minutes or one hour because the root is so deep can you imagine all the

393
00:29:45,630 --> 00:29:55,550
things that are built on top of it all the conditioning that gets built on it and it's
like right down there it's right it's right at the bottom and it takes time for you to go

394
00:29:55,550 --> 00:29:59,924
deeper deeper deeper deeper and then just let it come up

395
00:29:59,924 --> 00:30:13,764
So it requires time and patience and it helps to work with someone who actually, who can
understand and relate to this kind of experience because you can kind of, you copy their

396
00:30:13,764 --> 00:30:19,107
embodiment and sometimes with some teachers you can release things faster.

397
00:30:20,689 --> 00:30:25,923
With others, maybe not as much, some teachers you can make it worse because I was in a lot
of tantra.

398
00:30:25,923 --> 00:30:27,874
Do you know what tantra is?

399
00:30:28,778 --> 00:30:36,321
Okay, so tantra space is very interesting because I did that for a few years because I was
trying to heal my sexual shame.

400
00:30:37,322 --> 00:30:42,504
And lot of those practices were actually circumventing it completely.

401
00:30:42,504 --> 00:30:47,566
In fact, I noticed a lot of the people who doing this had sexual traumas too.

402
00:30:48,507 --> 00:30:49,687
A lot of them.

403
00:30:50,728 --> 00:30:55,148
That's probably why I was there because I was attracting a lot of that.

404
00:30:55,148 --> 00:30:55,391
right.

405
00:30:55,391 --> 00:30:56,472
That's right.

406
00:30:56,472 --> 00:30:58,335
women I was dating had sexual trauma.

407
00:30:58,335 --> 00:31:01,400
started noticing, was like, this is interesting, right?

408
00:31:01,803 --> 00:31:03,245
Yeah, exactly.

409
00:31:03,245 --> 00:31:03,957
That's real.

410
00:31:03,957 --> 00:31:05,579
That is very, very real.

411
00:31:05,579 --> 00:31:09,598
Trauma bonding is very real and people don't even know that they're doing it.

412
00:31:09,598 --> 00:31:19,426
Yeah, and I think once I healed that, didn't, I think the last woman I dated, she had some
sexual trauma, but not as bad.

413
00:31:20,147 --> 00:31:25,031
She was much more healthier in her body than a lot of other women I had been with, which
was a good sign.

414
00:31:26,192 --> 00:31:36,441
But yeah, to go through that process really meant I had to be simple and sit with myself
and actually go and take the time to get deep into my body and feel through it all the

415
00:31:36,441 --> 00:31:37,241
way.

416
00:31:37,822 --> 00:31:50,878
It requires a lot of courage and it requires support because it's not easy thing to go
through and especially with sexuality it's not talked about especially with men.

417
00:31:51,435 --> 00:31:52,733
No, it's not.

418
00:31:52,794 --> 00:32:01,731
No, for a man to admit he was sexually abused, it's getting more and more but it's not
that much.

419
00:32:01,731 --> 00:32:06,545
It's a big taboo because it's shameful for a man to have gone through that.

420
00:32:06,545 --> 00:32:07,959
I know a lot of women...

421
00:32:07,959 --> 00:32:10,408
more often than we know about.

422
00:32:10,408 --> 00:32:12,660
Yeah, it happens a lot actually.

423
00:32:12,660 --> 00:32:14,201
That leads to lot of...

424
00:32:14,201 --> 00:32:18,085
I worked with lot of men actually when I was healing this.

425
00:32:18,085 --> 00:32:26,172
I noticed a lot of men had this problem, sexual trauma, and they were struggling to talk
about it.

426
00:32:26,172 --> 00:32:28,524
I think only one guy worked with could admit it.

427
00:32:28,524 --> 00:32:31,177
goes, I was sexually abused.

428
00:32:31,177 --> 00:32:37,242
Most of the people I talked to, even when I shared this, would feel completely
uncomfortable.

429
00:32:38,188 --> 00:32:55,219
talk about this because it's quite common and it's very strong because that stuff is tied
into our whole gender identity and our whole I don't know I think it's even tied into our

430
00:32:55,219 --> 00:32:57,802
identity as a whole it's very very deep

431
00:32:58,548 --> 00:32:59,719
for sure.

432
00:32:59,821 --> 00:33:08,634
Because, you when things like that happen when you're little, let's just say not even
sexual abuse, just like being beaten.

433
00:33:08,812 --> 00:33:09,565
you

434
00:33:10,752 --> 00:33:11,943
It changes you.

435
00:33:11,943 --> 00:33:14,263
They've proven it scientifically.

436
00:33:14,304 --> 00:33:22,047
know, it's, you know, as a smack on the bottom to a little kid isn't as bad as a smack
across the face.

437
00:33:22,047 --> 00:33:33,272
Like that is the worst thing you can do to another human being is slap him across the face
in terms of, because once you, if you slap a person across the face, that really affects

438
00:33:34,232 --> 00:33:38,496
emotionally, like on every single area there is, it's going to affect.

439
00:33:38,496 --> 00:33:41,067
the way you view that other person is going to affect.

440
00:33:41,067 --> 00:33:43,118
It's such a, it's like very demeaning.

441
00:33:43,118 --> 00:33:48,620
I remember I read a whole study on it and I'm not giving this study any justice at all,
but there's been studies on that.

442
00:33:48,620 --> 00:33:58,164
And, you know, so even just something as simple as that is just, you know, like a simple
discipline with a child, whether it's smacking in the face or smacking on the bottom can

443
00:33:58,164 --> 00:34:02,395
have severe repercussions of, you know, for that person.

444
00:34:03,196 --> 00:34:04,697
So take it to the sexual level.

445
00:34:04,697 --> 00:34:08,418
That's going to amplify that, you know, a thousand fold.

446
00:34:08,449 --> 00:34:10,299
Yeah, well, I had that too.

447
00:34:10,299 --> 00:34:13,669
got physically hit because I come from an Asian background.

448
00:34:13,669 --> 00:34:14,989
come from an Indian background.

449
00:34:14,989 --> 00:34:16,509
I mean, was born in 1982.

450
00:34:16,509 --> 00:34:25,949
So in that day, yeah, especially in Asian culture, yeah, I was smacked on the face and
pretty badly.

451
00:34:26,549 --> 00:34:29,559
I'm not laughing because it's funny.

452
00:34:29,559 --> 00:34:33,969
I'm laughing because it's ironic because we've come so far since then.

453
00:34:33,969 --> 00:34:36,889
Now you can't do that.

454
00:34:36,889 --> 00:34:38,618
But it's...

455
00:34:38,626 --> 00:34:47,359
I think that people still do it, but it's a choice that like for me, because I was beaten
by my mom and my dad.

456
00:34:47,359 --> 00:34:48,609
My mom, not as bad.

457
00:34:48,609 --> 00:34:56,651
She was more of a face -slapper, but my father was beaten, like borderline physical abuse
beatings.

458
00:34:56,831 --> 00:35:03,313
And when my son was a baby, I got very upset because I couldn't get him to stop crying.

459
00:35:03,993 --> 00:35:07,874
And I was starting to become enraged.

460
00:35:09,006 --> 00:35:12,246
And I wanted to just throw him in his crib.

461
00:35:13,026 --> 00:35:16,526
just something hit me and I'm like, mm -mm.

462
00:35:16,526 --> 00:35:18,586
I gently put him down in his crib.

463
00:35:18,586 --> 00:35:19,686
I walked out.

464
00:35:19,686 --> 00:35:24,786
I went and saw his father and I just said, I am never going to touch that child.

465
00:35:24,786 --> 00:35:27,186
And he's now 24 and he's never been hit.

466
00:35:27,186 --> 00:35:35,176
Because I was like, I need to break the cycle because things like that are so generational
when you think about it, right?

467
00:35:35,176 --> 00:35:37,366
Like my whole family's from England.

468
00:35:38,700 --> 00:35:39,680
And that's all they knew.

469
00:35:39,680 --> 00:35:41,531
That's what they did, right?

470
00:35:41,531 --> 00:35:43,532
That's how you kept people in line.

471
00:35:43,532 --> 00:35:44,643
We didn't know any better.

472
00:35:44,643 --> 00:35:48,625
And it's very generational.

473
00:35:48,625 --> 00:36:02,262
for me personally, I decided that I was not going to hit my child because I wanted to
break that trauma cycle so that my grandchildren have a better chance of not experiencing

474
00:36:02,262 --> 00:36:03,052
that.

475
00:36:03,574 --> 00:36:05,535
That's a really beautiful story.

476
00:36:05,535 --> 00:36:17,135
I'm glad you shared that because you became aware of the pain or the thing, the reaction
to something because it probably triggered something in you when the baby was crying

477
00:36:17,135 --> 00:36:27,793
because you're like kind of a control, I want to control this and that's how I know how to
control it through that and you were seeing it and you took a, yeah, you said a different

478
00:36:27,793 --> 00:36:28,714
choice.

479
00:36:29,002 --> 00:36:30,652
I just made a different choice.

480
00:36:30,652 --> 00:36:31,553
Yeah.

481
00:36:31,959 --> 00:36:32,463
Yeah.

482
00:36:32,463 --> 00:36:41,522
the same time you're healing something underneath well hopefully if you're feeling through
it and sometimes people just push it down and it's still there.

483
00:36:41,522 --> 00:36:42,482
no.

484
00:36:43,462 --> 00:36:46,902
I've been doing this work over 35 years now, Aneesh.

485
00:36:46,902 --> 00:36:51,442
So now it's, yeah, it's been a lot.

486
00:36:51,762 --> 00:36:52,482
I've done a lot.

487
00:36:52,482 --> 00:36:59,722
But it's still, it's ongoing, you know, you just, you just keep, you know, so yeah.

488
00:36:59,722 --> 00:37:06,758
So tell us, we're almost out of time here, Aneesh, but tell us about the book, your book,
and when is that going to be coming out?

489
00:37:07,058 --> 00:37:09,744
Yeah so I actually have it here, can I show it?

490
00:37:10,447 --> 00:37:13,210
It's this book, I don't know if it's this one.

491
00:37:13,210 --> 00:37:14,661
reset point.

492
00:37:14,661 --> 00:37:16,692
my god, that's a beautiful cover.

493
00:37:16,692 --> 00:37:17,833
Life Force Principles.

494
00:37:17,833 --> 00:37:18,803
Hold on, hold it back up.

495
00:37:18,803 --> 00:37:19,574
gonna read it.

496
00:37:19,574 --> 00:37:23,806
Life Force Principles to empower outliers for lasting success.

497
00:37:23,806 --> 00:37:25,797
I love that reset point.

498
00:37:25,797 --> 00:37:27,058
That is a beautiful cover.

499
00:37:27,058 --> 00:37:27,758
I love it.

500
00:37:27,758 --> 00:37:28,028
you.

501
00:37:28,028 --> 00:37:31,900
Yeah, I ran a video agency for years.

502
00:37:31,900 --> 00:37:43,105
I love design and I'm an artist, I'm super fussy when it comes to things, but I like the
clearness because it represents the thing I was talking about, simplicity.

503
00:37:44,446 --> 00:37:48,787
I use this word, outliers, because this is an interesting word.

504
00:37:48,868 --> 00:37:54,530
I use this word because I feel like we're all very unique in who we are.

505
00:37:54,858 --> 00:37:58,381
and I encourage people to follow their own independent path.

506
00:37:58,381 --> 00:38:07,208
know there's a trend now to follow this and that and X, Y and Z, but I really implore
people to go deep into themselves and be who they are.

507
00:38:07,629 --> 00:38:15,816
Easier said than done because it's very easy to copy and compare and all this shit, but I
think it's very important to be yourself, to be, that's why I use the word outlier.

508
00:38:15,816 --> 00:38:23,892
Outlier is someone who probably has got his own views and if they have their own way of
seeing things and the whole book is about

509
00:38:24,130 --> 00:38:30,430
allowing yourself to go deep and to trust your own instincts and to trust your intuition
and to follow your own path.

510
00:38:30,430 --> 00:38:39,630
And that uses a lot of my, these 10 principles that I extracted from my whole experiences
since I was 25.

511
00:38:40,269 --> 00:38:44,190
And it's actually quite systematic with the way I've written it.

512
00:38:44,190 --> 00:38:45,830
I didn't know how to write it.

513
00:38:45,830 --> 00:38:47,790
was very intuitively read.

514
00:38:47,790 --> 00:38:52,396
So the whole book follows 10 principles and there's a whole system.

515
00:38:52,438 --> 00:39:03,303
with exercises which you can use to go deep in yourself, to set goals which are authentic
to you and yeah, move towards that.

516
00:39:04,544 --> 00:39:16,870
So it's not just a book which is you you read and it's you know, this and that, it
actually has concrete things to do or should I say to allow.

517
00:39:17,710 --> 00:39:18,220
Yeah.

518
00:39:18,220 --> 00:39:25,438
Because it's not about doing anything, it's actually about letting things come up and
allowing yourself to find the answer inside.

519
00:39:25,846 --> 00:39:28,047
I love it, I love it, that's beautiful.

520
00:39:28,047 --> 00:39:36,572
You you were talking about, you know, now people are following others and comparing
themselves to others and this and that.

521
00:39:36,753 --> 00:39:42,696
They're now saying that, you love used to be the highest frequency state.

522
00:39:42,716 --> 00:39:46,098
Now they're saying authenticity is even higher.

523
00:39:47,499 --> 00:39:50,620
And it's about finding that authenticity.

524
00:39:51,121 --> 00:39:52,802
And when you can...

525
00:39:52,842 --> 00:40:00,069
always come from a state of authenticity, you know, that is when we are really at our
highest frequency.

526
00:40:00,738 --> 00:40:02,838
Yeah and that's peace.

527
00:40:04,258 --> 00:40:14,198
Yeah a lot of the references I make in the book is about a book one of my favorite books
called Letting Go by David R Hawkins and he talks about the emotional scale and the

528
00:40:14,198 --> 00:40:23,172
highest peace, it's peace is the highest it's which sages live 100 % in this energy.

529
00:40:23,394 --> 00:40:27,934
Yeah, and it's authenticity because we are peace inside.

530
00:40:28,094 --> 00:40:35,234
Our authenticity is 100 % peace being here.

531
00:40:35,394 --> 00:40:39,174
yeah, that's a big...

532
00:40:39,174 --> 00:40:44,274
To be 100 % peaceful takes a lot of time.

533
00:40:44,531 --> 00:40:51,213
I think that we are, think, I know, I know everyone is capable of experiencing moments of
peace.

534
00:40:51,294 --> 00:41:01,598
It's about learning how to work through everything and making those decisions and choosing
in the moment.

535
00:41:02,459 --> 00:41:10,642
When something's just, you know, you're triggered, make a different choice because we're
triggered and you can choose to go down the rabbit hole.

536
00:41:11,540 --> 00:41:17,836
and follow the trigger or you can choose to be like okay let's look at this with some
neutrality.

537
00:41:19,614 --> 00:41:27,199
Yeah, I think a lot of the times the so -called trauma comes up in the present.

538
00:41:27,199 --> 00:41:29,541
That's why they use this word present.

539
00:41:29,581 --> 00:41:35,475
Because a lot of your pain comes up and sometimes it's healed in the moment.

540
00:41:35,475 --> 00:41:42,310
They say like the idea is it's everything is already here and now.

541
00:41:42,310 --> 00:41:46,172
Everything, freedom, alignment, what do you call it, it's already here.

542
00:41:46,313 --> 00:41:48,244
It's already here in the moment.

543
00:41:48,448 --> 00:41:52,527
when something comes up, we can accept it or we don't accept it.

544
00:41:52,789 --> 00:41:55,093
Because acceptance is the key to peace.

545
00:41:57,378 --> 00:42:01,198
That's why with alcoholics, have the 12 steps.

546
00:42:01,238 --> 00:42:04,498
One of the steps, I think it's right, the end is acceptance.

547
00:42:05,138 --> 00:42:12,344
One of the final steps is acceptance, because they have to get to the point where they're
just accepting that they have a problem.

548
00:42:12,692 --> 00:42:15,163
yeah, yeah, exactly.

549
00:42:15,163 --> 00:42:17,796
mean, acceptance is a huge part in recovery.

550
00:42:19,999 --> 00:42:20,919
Yeah.

551
00:42:22,401 --> 00:42:36,194
Is there anything else that you'd like to share with the audience and also share how they
can find you and yeah, learn about your, you know, learn more about what you do.

552
00:42:36,276 --> 00:42:40,587
Yeah sure, my website is anishpatel .com.

553
00:42:41,128 --> 00:42:54,192
You can find the book there and everything else and who I am and what my story is and yeah
they can reach out or not and yeah but it's been an absolute pleasure I don't even I'm

554
00:42:54,192 --> 00:42:59,179
just I just enjoyed this conversation it didn't feel like a podcast so thank you so much.

555
00:42:59,179 --> 00:43:01,040
that's and yes, folks.

556
00:43:01,040 --> 00:43:05,144
So so and he's told me beforehand that this was his first podcast interview.

557
00:43:05,144 --> 00:43:08,007
I think he did a great job and I'm sure you would agree.

558
00:43:08,007 --> 00:43:15,183
So, yes, to check out his website, the link will be in this show notes.

559
00:43:15,424 --> 00:43:21,209
And I just want to thank you from the bottom of my heart and for being so vulnerable and
talking about your experience.

560
00:43:21,209 --> 00:43:22,656
So thank you so much.

561
00:43:22,656 --> 00:43:23,558
Yeah, and you too.

562
00:43:23,558 --> 00:43:25,952
Thank you for sharing some of your stories.

563
00:43:25,952 --> 00:43:29,979
it's it's absolute privilege to hear that as well.

564
00:43:29,979 --> 00:43:33,725
And knowing someone else.

565
00:43:33,826 --> 00:43:34,838
Yeah, no, I enjoyed it.

566
00:43:34,838 --> 00:43:35,499
It was amazing.

567
00:43:35,499 --> 00:43:36,449
Thank you.

568
00:43:36,724 --> 00:43:37,375
Awesome.

569
00:43:37,375 --> 00:43:38,206
All right, folks.

570
00:43:38,206 --> 00:43:39,878
Thank you so much for listening today.

571
00:43:39,878 --> 00:43:48,008
And as always, may you and your family be happy and healthy and that your lives are filled
with massive abundance.

572
00:43:48,008 --> 00:43:48,479
All right.

573
00:43:48,479 --> 00:43:49,760
Take care, everyone.