330. From Trauma to Transformation: Healing the Scars of Abuse with Suzanne Smart

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Hey, there. I'm Sandee Sgarlata, and welcome to the Happiness Solve podcast. Twice a week, we explore the journey to finding true happiness by sharing inspiring stories, practical tips, and insightful conversations with some of today's leading experts. But we don't just scratch the surface. We dive deep into the real grit of what it takes to live a generous, genuinely happy life.

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Whether you're looking to improve your well being, enhance your relationships, or simply add more joy to your life, you're in the right place. So grab your favorite beverage, get comfortable, and let's dive into today's episode, because happiness is a choice, and the choice is yours.

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Suzanne, smart with positive imprint. So great to have you on here today. How's everything going over in, in Wales? Everything's good in my hood. Sun is shining.

00:01:01
It's glorious day. Yeah. And I'd just like to say thank you for this opportunity to be on the show. Absolutely. I know I'm like, we talked briefly before it started.

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Like, I want to come over there, but to go to Wimbledon, which, which starts in a few days, and I'm like, oh, I want to go so badly. It's like, like I have noted, you know, going to live tennis tournaments, it's usually hot as. All right. It's not the most pleasant thing to do because you're sitting in the hot sun. Yes.

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You're, you know, for sometimes a few hours on end. Right. You can't, like, have an umbrella because you're in a stands. But there's certain tournaments that I want to see, and that is one of them. And I have only been to England once, and it was for an 18 hours layover that we had when we were traveling to Italy, but that was back in the.

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In the mid nineties. Haven't been back. But I want to, like, plan that whole trip and see, you know, really dive into the culture and. And really live, you know, for a few weeks there. Yes.

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And just hop into Wimbledon, you know, here and there at the same time. Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah. In a few weeks, you could see quite a bit.

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Yeah, for sure. I mean, even just the day, the layover that we had that day, what we. Because we had to trim, we flew into Heathrow and we're flying out of. What's the other one? Gatwick.

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Gatwick. Thank you. I knew it was a g.

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So we just hired a driver and they put all of our bags in the car because we were going to Italy for ten days, and he just drove us all around. It worked out. It was a good gig. For him. Right.

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But it was nice that we got to just do, like the, you know, all the big things around the city, you know, that you want to kind of see. Yeah. All right. So for the audience, so excited for this conversation because Suzanne is a trauma transformation practitioner, bestselling author, TEDx speaker, performance poet, wow. Healer, NLP practitioner.

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And the list goes on and on and on. Well, I'm excited to talk to you because, you know, the older I get, the longer I'm in this life. Yeah. We're constantly being triggered by things. And every time you're triggered, it's from some sort of trauma that you've experienced.

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Right. Mostly as a child. So I want to dive into all of that. But could you share with the audience your story?

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Because you do have, have an interesting story, it sounds like, which kind of drove you into doing what you're doing. So please share your story. Okay. Well, my journey to being a practitioner began after I'd left my second abusive relationship. It was my marriage.

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And I thought, right, what can I take ownership of here?

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What draws me to men that tell me on one hand they love me but demonstrate on the other that they absolutely don't? And what was my part to play in that? What, you know, did I walk around with a neon sign on my head saying, please abuse me? What was it? What were those bonds?

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And so that led me down the research route, and I skilled myself up and found out about, or learned about trauma bonding and about childhood trauma and how that can live with you. And like you say, become complicit in so many triggers in later life. And the thing is, with an abuser, they look for these instances when you are triggered and they look for the buttons that they can press. So, yeah, that was really what started it all off for me, just finding out that I could not. It was the knowledge that I could never live through a third.

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And I need to do something. I need to take accountability and just take action on what I found. So I wanted. You mentioned that we do attract people right into our lives. Right.

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I know that the first few relationships that I had weren't really ideal and. And there was, you know, for the sake, because I have relationship. I have a good relationship with, with my ex husband. We're like best friends. Fantastic.

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But we were like oil and water. Yes. Right. And he wasn't that nice to me at times. But you know what?

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I probably wasn't that nice to him either. Right. Right. It takes two. It takes two.

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It's a tango. I don't know. Like, we're not really. You said that they're almost, like, looking for those buttons to push. I don't.

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They're not really aware of that though, right? I mean, like, I don't think that. I mean, do men really, or men or women come into a relationship? Oh, what buttons can I push? Right?

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Like, they're not. So how does that work? Because is that something in their subconscious mind? Like, how does that come about? Okay, so we're talking now about actual abusers, right?

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I'm talking about the abuser. Yeah. Yeah. To actual abusers. They do.

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They come in and they, they know what they want from you. And as time goes by, they, you know, because there is this abuse cycle which starts off with love bombing and you are elevated and made to feel like a king or a queen because women are abusers as well. And then you just go through this abuse cycle and as soon as you exhale and think, yeah, I like this, I can deal with this. That's when the little coercive comments start to come in and, you know, oh, were you wearing that? And simple little things like that.

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One of my first comments was, I was going to, I was, we were going to an event and I had an outfit but didn't have the shoes to match. Not saying I didn't have shoes, but I didn't have shoes to match the outfit. And I said, oh, I'm gonna go and get some shoes. And he said, oh, why have you got no room on the bedroom floor? You know, sorry, have you found a space on the bedroom floor?

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And, you know, my shoes were not all over the bedroom floor and I'm not to this day, one of these women that has 150 pairs of shoes, you know, I just didn't have shoes suitable for this one outfit. And that was the very first one. And then the second time I was taking a course and my daughter was not well, so I took her to the course with me. She couldn't go to school. Took her with me.

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It was half a day and we planned to go shopping after. And I think we finished at twelve. And I was still stood at the rendezvous point at 02:00 p.m. with my sick daughter. And I thought, right, what do I do with that?

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One of my cohorts came through, said, you know, did you leave here at midday like everybody else? I said, yes, I did, but. And she said, let me take you home. And at that point, we hadn't been going very long then, but I thought, oh, if I go, will I upset him? If.

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And it was all about, you know, if I move from this spot now, am I going to cause some kind of a rift between us? Anyway, I looked at my daughter and she was really poorly said, come on, let's go. And, you know, I was ghosted that day. In fact, I think that was a Wednesday or a Thursday. And I was ghosted until the Sunday when, because he used to play rugby and I would go and cheer him on at the sidelines.

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And it wasn't. That was the first day that he actually spoke to me and it was all because I left. And I said, but we'd wait. We waited for over 2 hours. Yeah, but I told you I was coming.

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And if I had realized then what coercive behavior looked like, I would have left then. But I had no idea that that's what I was getting myself into, into coercive, you know, behavior. And it doesn't matter what you try, you will never, ever win the game because they make the rules and they move the goalposts. So, yeah, they do. When you're with an actual abuser, they will look for ways to undermine you.

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They will look for ways to establish what those trigger moments are for you, and they will work them well. What I've always found interesting, because. Because somebody that is an abuser, it's all about them, right? They have the issues. And I also think, you know, from being an empath, empathic and always having empathy for other people, I think what must have happened to that person for them to be capable of doing this to another human being.

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Absolutely. Absolutely. There's the phrase, isn't there, that hurt people. Hurt people. Hurt people.

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Hurt people. Yeah. Yeah. And I really do believe that that's the case as well. Because if you look into the background of, you know, kind of any, any narcissist or any person that is violent, you will find that something has happened in their life to trigger that behavior within themselves.

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But it's the fact, for me, it's the fact that they then use that against other people and don't look and think, well, why do I do that? You know, let me take myself away somewhere and find a solution to, or find an answer to my behavior because they know their behavior isn't right. Of course we know that. Yeah. Yeah, they know it.

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Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I really believe that most people want to be a good person. Yeah. You know, so you also mentioned trauma bonding.

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Can you talk a little bit more about that? Because I've heard the topic, I've. I've learned about it, but it. Yeah, I'd like. I'd like a refresher as well.

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Okay, so trauma bonding is basically the connection. So I will have some sort of trauma within me and that will attract somebody else, almost like magnetic. That will attract the trauma in somebody else. And it is almost like you do have a neon sign on your head. And it's only really since coming into the field that you kind of pick up a 6th sense of people that are suffering.

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This is what attracts an abuser to you. It's almost as if you carry the weight of the world's on your shoulders and they come along and purport to be a help with that. Oh, let me take the world off your shoulders. But what they actually do is put their weight on you as well. No, but you know, the trauma bonding is that connect that is created when two.

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Two worlds collide. Two traumatic worlds collide. Could it. Could it be a good thing for the people if they both experienced a similar type of circumstance and, and now they're bonding over that commonality? Could that be beneficial to both of their healing?

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It can be as long as both of them are agreeing to heal and both of them are actively seeking help with that and not using one or the other as they batter in Ram. Interesting. I was just thinking of a couple of instances where that. I was just curious, knowing people that, you know, I know a couple that they both have been through similar things and it's kind of brought them together. Like what?

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You know, like people who go to a grief support group and they, you know, they meet somebody who's also grieving. Absolutely. Absolutely. Because that's a trauma as well. It is, yeah.

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Yes, it is. And I think it's that it's that need to heal rather than the need to hurt people. But, you know, it's those two perspectives. Are you going to use weaponize actually your trauma, or are you going to use that as a healing mechanism? Interesting.

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So we know that every, anytime we're triggered, it comes from some sort of trauma. What can people do? Because like we just said, we all want to be a good person. We all want to be a better person. I really do believe that.

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I have to believe that humanity wants to be better. Absolutely. And I think that we're making more of a shift in that direction because I've heard people just having coffee with somebody or lunch or dinner, and people are saying to me, wow, there's got to be, you know, I just feel like there's got to be a better way than this when people have that right. Because sometimes, and this is what I know to be true. And I'll use my personal example as an example.

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So, growing up, you know, as most girls do. Right. Girls are meant. They're not always nice to each other. And I had multiple situations with girlfriends where my feelings were very badly hurt.

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Right. And I was left out. Things like that. Right. So, of course, as an adult, there have been times where I've been left out of something, and I guarantee it wasn't intentional.

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Right, right. It's not intentional. But when you learn that it's a trigger. Right. And I'm like.

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And it hurts. Yes. So that's something that I've been working on. And each time I work on it and I feel it, I'm like, okay, it's not about me. Right.

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And you recognize it. It seems to dissipate. How can people. Is there. Because, like, I'm.

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Because I'm very self aware. I recognize that that's a trigger, but not everybody will recognize that. So I guess my question is, how can people recognize when they're being triggered? And is there a way to, like, notice a pattern in those triggers? Absolutely.

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When you are triggered, very often it causes the cortisol and adrenaline. Yeah. Our enzymes, which have been with us since the dawning of time, made for those times when we had to run from lions and tigers and bears. Oh, my. And so.

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And it's natural. You cannot control it. It's there to get us out of situations. Yeah. To get us out of tricky situations.

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And we have our five fear responses. So we have fight, flight, flop, fawn, and freeze. Yeah. So we will react in one of those ways. So my two.

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Oh. Or more my two were fights. I'm a natural fighter. So my two were either fight the same here. Yeah, not too bad.

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I can fight with a festival, let me tell you. Oh, gosh. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And, yeah.

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And my. Yeah. I can, you know, knock you at 200 paces with my tongue. You know, one of the things I actively give myself. Well, we'll talk about a bit later.

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Exactly. And so they are our fear responses. My second one was flop. As time went on, it was just like, what is the point? You know, it doesn't matter what I do, what I say.

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I'm never. Right. What is the point? And so you just take the beating. Whether it's, you know, oral or physical, you just take the beating, because as far as you.

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You're concerned, you've tried every other avenue. So there are your fear responses. So whenever you are triggered, one of your. One or two or three, maybe, depending on your situation, of your responses will be ignited by this cortisol and adrenaline. And very often you can feel it rising from your big toe all the way up your body.

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However, when you don't understand what triggers look like, it just happens. Whoosh. And just overtakes you. So before you know it, you're in that reactory stage, reactive stage, sorry state. So as time goes by, I found that because start at beginning.

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One of the first things to go when you are in an abusive situation is your and intuition. Second thing is your trust. So without your trust and your intuition, you cannot work out what's best for you. You dampen down the voice that says, should you be here? Or, you know, you will get those little messages to say, is this the right way?

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And you go, I used to tell myself, oh, Suzanne, don't be a bitch. You know, we've all got our flaws. Give them a chance. Don't be a bitch. You know, and all that time, that was my intuition telling me, Suzanne, stop collecting the red flags.

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Yeah. Notice them, break them, walk away. Do not collect them. But, no, I collected them all and would tell myself that. Or that the little voice inside would be saying, oh, come on.

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Come on. Everybody deserves a chance. Everybody deserves another chance, you know? And this is what happens at those times. So until you start to exercise some self care, some forgiveness, forgiveness for the person, but especially forgiveness for you.

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I really did have to forgive myself for some of my reactions, because, like I said, I am a natural fighter. And afterwards, I look back and think, it was that question, why didn't I leave? Why am I standing, fighting with a person, whether it's orally or physically? Why am I stood fighting and fighting with somebody that I know is so much stronger than me? And you just think, why would you do that?

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But it's because you're caught in this cycle of abuse. And part of that is the. Or are the triggers. And what causes the triggers is those memories. And very often, the memories of days gone by are still at the forefront of your mind.

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They're still there somewhere. And so when this person comes along and, you know, schmoozes you and woos you, and they go, okay, and one of the biggest questions is, oh, so you know, what happened in your last relationship? And when you share that, you give them all the information they need. Yeah. You're giving them, here's the blueprint on how to.

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Here's a big map of my body, and these are the buttons that you can press, and this is what will happen when you press them. Oh, my gosh. Well, that's a good segue to talk about your new book, moments of clarity. Find your voice and stand in your power. I love that because, really, that's.

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Especially in an abusive relationship. That's where it starts, is finding your voice and standing in your power. However, as women, I think that that's so important for us, just in general, anyway, because we. Yeah, yeah, tell me. Let's talk about your book.

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Yeah, so, yeah, yeah. I wanted to write a book for so long, and it. The timing was just right because I just looked at the wonderful things that my program was doing with my clients, and they were going from, you know, where I once was blithering deep on the floor, you know, to this person that just wanted to just go out and save the world. And it's really great. The positive.

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Positive and imprint, they're both acronyms, right? So the positive is the actual picking yourself up, looking at all those emotions that drive us and especially the emotions that drove us during that abuse cycle. So we go from there right across to the e, which is empowerment. And then I found that once women had been through and now the men had been through that process, they kind of went, I need to do something with this kind of same thing that I did when I gone through my process. And so then the imprint was born as an acronym, that the name was already there, but I kind of worked ways around it and worked a program into that.

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So, yeah, so that's kind of the background to positive imprint, moments of clarity. I called it that because. Because of that question about why don't they leave? And you have. When you're collecting these red flags, you have these tiny little moments, and it's clear as day that what you're going through, not right, but you kind of quite.

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Don't quite understand why or how. So you go through these. These whole myriad of. Well, maybe if I try this, maybe if I don't try that, maybe if next time I do this a little bit differently, maybe next time I won't do that at all. Maybe if I just.

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Maybe if I should, maybe if I could, maybe if I did, maybe if I didn't. And you go through this whole gamut of fixes to try to make this relationship work, and yet all along the way, you're given these, you know, I call them moments of clarity. And they are moments of clarity, but sometimes they are huge hammers on your head.

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Do you know what you're doing? Wake up and smell the cardinal. Exactly. That's right. So, yeah, but I had a few moments of clarity.

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But the huge one for me and the one that made me say, right, enough is enough is when my daughter walked into the room and my ex husband was about to attack me and she jumped between us. And that was a no no for me. Were coming up to exam years, and no, I thought, no, I can deal with that. And then later, I thought, why did I think I could deal with that? Because I never, never, ever wanted to.

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I never got married to get divorced. I never wanted to be a single parent. I had this wonderful idea of, you know, whatever we do, we can face it together. But that was just me. I was, you know, rowing the boat with one oar there.

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So that didn't work. So, yeah, so that is basically the idea behind moments of clarity. And it's. It's. It's about the program, because to me, the program is so important.

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To see people go from timid little beings to these larger than life people that just want to take in every ounce of life is so rewarding and so inspiring, so motivating that I thought that the program needed that space. And then also anecdotal stories of kind of my life which were attached to those particular parts of the program because the program was me, to be quite honest. I, you know, went. Went through my. My transformation and then sat back and looked at it all.

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In fact, I had this vision on the way home, on a drive home, and it was quite a long drive, and for once, I didn't have music on. It's just me and my thoughts, and this whole vision just kind of unfolded in front of me. So when I got home, quickly, wrote it all down, took me over 2 hours. When I looked up, I thought, wow, that is the program. And if it can help me, it can help others, and it does help others.

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And I just count myself so blessed to be able to be on this mission. Love it. So I say this a lot in my life and on my show, you have to get to a point where things happen for you, not to you. Yes. And what I love about everything you've talked about is like, you're a walking, breathing example of that.

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Right. That. Yeah, it was pretty messed up what I went through. Right. And now you're at the point where it's, you know, you recognize that it's happened for you, not to you, and you're.

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And you're using it to inspire others that they can reach that point, too, no matter how bad it is. Absolutely. Yeah. And the same old. If I can do it, you can do it.

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You know, I got to stage in the preface in my book, I tell the story of how I was so low after the birth of my youngest daughter that I was about to, and heaven knows how I actually made it to the bottom of the stairs, but I was on my way to drive off a cliff with my daughter, you know, because the hand said, you know, you're in pain. Yeah. Come on, we can sort that for you. Okay. You know, and I just followed this hand and this voice.

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We can do that for you. Yeah. And so if. If you can be that low and still see a spark, then, you know, ignite that, give that some air, let it glow and burn and help you through. Yeah.

00:30:50
And. And also, if I can just add to that, is that, you know, many times when you're at your lowest point in your life, you feel alone and you're in such a victim mentality. Yes. That you feel like you're the only one that's ever gone through this. Yeah, absolutely.

00:31:13
That you're unique in that. Yep. And you're not. And you're not alone. No.

00:31:21
And, you know, I always like to say, you know, there's all pain comes in different shapes and sizes, and if it's the first time you're experiencing this level of pain, it is a big deal. And other people's pain are a big deal, too. But there's no apples and apples. It's all. It's apples and oranges.

00:31:44
Yes. It's according to, isn't it? We all feel it in different ways, and it will depend on the, you know, the trauma that you've experienced previously, and. But then very often, if you have not experienced trauma, but there is another kind of hole in you. So if I.

00:32:10
Your dad had died early in your life and you didn't have that, you know, because dads are the foundation, aren't they? And, you know, girls get their identity from their dads. It's all about the dads. And it's. So if you've lost your dad at an early age and you've got that kind of hole in your soul that needs filling and somebody comes along, and for in that first flush, they start to fill it.

00:32:38
And so you open up to them, and once you've opened up and your heart is right there in front of you, that's when they come in and just grip it, you know? So it. It just depends on who the person is and what it is they're looking for in. In a victim. Yeah.

00:33:00
It can be so sad to think about, to think that somebody could actually look at you and think that way. Oh, yeah. I want you go and find someone like you, and the two of you can just be miserable together, you know?

00:33:21
Really. And that person is, you know, we started out talking about this with. With the. That abusive person. They're so broken.

00:33:33
And that's the. By being. By abusing another person or controlling another person, that's the only way they can feel good about themselves. Absolutely. Absolutely.

00:33:43
Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's interesting, self elevating aspect of it, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And.

00:33:54
But as you know, when you're on the other side of that, it's. It's not easy to see. It's hard to recognize. Oh, gosh. So are there any?

00:34:02
Because I know. Well, I love that you said you're collecting the red flags, you know? Yes. Because most women do see it, and men will see the red flags and they decide not to do anything with it. Yeah.

00:34:15
Especially if you are an empath. You always give people the benefits of the doubt, and they will always get the benefits of the out. And very often you'll be told, you know, that you'll be gaslit. So you'll be thinking, hang on a minute, did that really happen? And they'll be telling you, no, that didn't happen.

00:34:32
You know, no, the sky is green, and you look and you'll. Oh, okay, am I. Am I going mad because I see a blue sky? Right? Can't you see that?

00:34:44
And I never said that. I never did that. I never meant it that way. If you've taken it that way, then there's something wrong with you. And, you know, all of these, and they just kind of snowball, and then after a while, your voice takes over from this, and if you spill something.

00:35:05
One of my triggers was the key in the front door, because I never knew what size of face I was going to be looking at when he walked through. And I had no idea for a while. It's just I felt this rush would come over me whenever the key would go in the door. And if I was, say, in the kitchen doing something, and I'd spill something, oh, my gosh, why am I so clumsy? And it's all of those little digs that you take over from them, you know, and start to.

00:35:41
Your inner dialogue starts to tell you everything and back up everything that they've said. So you beat yourself up after being beaten up by them in your brain, and before you know it, you. You know, you are what you tell yourself you are, you know, you become this clumsy person, this, you know. So when those triggers start, always look for the origin. When I feel this way, when I feel.

00:36:12
What is it that makes me feel this way? And something he used to say, or he'd say, do you know what? And that it would just. I would be pole axed. Because after that, very often it would be an onslaught, you know, that would be his opening phrase.

00:36:33
Do you know what you say, oh, my gosh, what's coming now? And whoosh again, you know, it's a bit like menopausal flush. And you end up living in this state of hypertension, hypervigilance. Yeah. You cannot.

00:36:50
You're walking on eggshells. You are, you cannot relax. And our bodies were not meant to have this, that, this constant flow of these enzymes. So it starts to tell in ways that, you know, your skin might look bad, your hair will go dull, you get odd aches and pains that you can't put your finger on, and you feel really ill. And, you know, it just.

00:37:17
It does affect you because it's gnawing away at your body. It's just eating you out from the inside. Isn't that the truth? This has been such an amazing conversation, Suzanne, and, gosh, we could talk for hours about this, but is there anything else that you'd like to share with the audience? And how can they get ahold of you as well?

00:37:40
Oh, yes. So I am on Instagram, pos underscore imprint, LinkedIn, Suzanne Smart, and I have a website, positive imprint, dot co dot uk. And I think any parting kind of words I would say is just trust your gut instinct. Your gut is your courage centre.

00:38:14
And your heart, you know, your gut is your courage centre. And it will tell you, it will work with the little antennae up there and it will tell you that something really isn't right, that, you know, they'll stick up and say, look, look, take a second, look, think about this, you know? And when that happens, listen, listen, because listening now can save you a. A whole lot of problems later. Yeah.

00:38:50
And you can't change them. You can only change you. And how. You only change you. Yes, absolutely.

00:38:57
Absolutely. And that's why I. So much self forgiveness. So much self forgiveness. Yeah.

00:39:04
You know? Exactly. And because of the shame I used to feel, because the guilt, I used to feel all of those things. I had to forgive myself for that. For feeling that shame and that guilt and for listening to the voices and collecting the red flags and all those things that I did when the voice was saying, should you be doing this?

00:39:24
Yeah, exactly. Suzanne, such a pleasure to speak with you today. And for the audience, go ahead and look her up on instagram, LinkedIn and check out her book, moments of clarity. Find your voice and stand in your power. So thank you again, and thank you everyone for listening.

00:39:57
I hope you enjoyed today's conversation. And as promised, I'd like to give you more details of what you can expect as a member of the happiness solved community. First, you'll have access to a treasure trove of extra podcast episodes. These episodes dive deeper into the topics we discuss, featuring additional expert interviews only found here. But that's not all.

00:40:19
As a member, you also get access to a series of mindset training sessions. These recordings are tailored to help you understand the how and why your mindset is the most important asset you have, empowering you to achieve your personal and professional goals. And for those of you looking to find a moment of peace in your busy lives, we've got something special. Exclusive guided meditations. These sessions are crafted to help you relax, refocus and recharge.

00:40:48
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00:41:09
Go to happinesssolved supercast.com and sign up. Don't miss out on this opportunity to deepen your journey with us. Again, that's happinesssolved supercast.com and it will also be in the show notes I am so grateful you're a part of our happiness solve family and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your continued support. Again, I am so grateful for you and I hope that you and your family are healthy and safe and that your lives are filled with peace, joy and happiness. Take care everyone.