320. Turning Childhood Trauma into Triumph: One Woman's Journey from Abuse to Inspiration with Lynda Sunshine West

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This is happiness solved with America's happiness coach, Sandee Sgarlata.

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Hello, and thank you for joining us today. I'm so happy you're here. Happiness Solved is the place where we explore everything you need to become the best possible version of you. This is Sandee Sgarlata, and today I've got some exciting news for our dedicated listeners. We've just launched our exclusive members only portal.

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This is your ticket to a world of additional content designed to deepen your understanding and engagement with the happiness solved mission. To learn more about all of the exciting benefits, stay tuned until the end of the episode, where I will explain in greater detail. For those interested now, head over to Happinesssolved dot supercast.com. today is another amazing conversation, so let's get started.

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Lydia Sunshine West. I said it correctly, not that it's that hard.

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I started out just for the audience. I'm sitting here. I'm still cracking up. Lydia has. We're on Zoom, and Lydia has this picture, and it's hysterical.

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And so when she joined, that's all I saw with was this picture. And I'm still laughing about it because it's just such a funny picture of you. Thank you. Now, was that one of the fears that you were overcame? Was that one of the things that you were doing?

00:01:47
That was after. That was after I had broken through all of my fears. It was a photo shoot that I participated in, which was a fear of mine having my. Yeah, yeah. But I had already broken through my fear, so doing the photo shoot turned it into a.

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Such a fun experience. It was interesting, though, because the photographers I was working with at the beginning, it was a husband and wife team, which I think was a brilliant idea for them to team up. Up because the husband was taking the pictures, but the wife was the one that was calming me, talking to me, and, you know, getting me into these different. Just these different frame of mind. Frames of mind.

00:02:26
And so it was really cool because when we got to that place that, like, you're mentioning that that particular picture, by then, I was so relaxed and into the photo shoot that I forgot that we were taking pictures and I was just having a good time. Oh, wow. Well, it's perfect. And that's what you want, right? So that is.

00:02:45
That's really awesome. So for the audience today, we are talking with Lydia Sunshine West. And I told her before, I always want to say Lydia because she spells it ly. So I keep saying, Lydia, Lydia, Lydia, you've got such an interesting story, and I'm going to have you talk about what you did when you were five years old, I want to hear that story. But what I love about you is that at 51 years young, you decided to break through one fear every day for a year.

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Oh, there she is. There's the picture again. For the audience, for those who are. On video, you can see the picture. Right?

00:03:23
Right. And since then, you have been empowering millions of women and men to write their stories to make a greater impact on the planet, which that's what I'm all about here at happiness solved. So you are founder and CEO of action Takers Publishing, and you have been a number one international best selling author 39 times. You're the contributing executive writer at Entrepreneur magazine and Brain magazine. You're a film producer, red carpet interviewer.

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The list goes on and on. So I love all of that. I want to really dive into this whole fear thing because that's such a big thing in my life right now. But let's talk about what you did when you were five years old, because, boy, that just, that right there shows you're a big part about your personality. So go ahead, take it away.

00:04:19
Yeah. At five years old, I ran away and I was gone for an entire week. And as I look back at that, you know, I was running away. It's kind of interesting because a lot of times, if you think about running away, sometimes it's because we're scared of something, right? We're scared.

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So we're running. Yes. So we're running away from the bad thing. But really, is it that we're running away from something? Are we running to something better?

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And so I've, you know, since then, I've shifted my mindset related to that. It's not that I was running away from home. I was running to something better because where I was was not a good environment. I was living in a very volatile, abusive, you know, alcoholic environment and realizing, I'm not going to live here, you know, at five years old. And one of the things I love to stress on this is you think about it.

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If you have a child who's five years old, they know what's going on. Oh, yeah, yeah. I think that's, that was an important piece there because I knew what was going on. I understood the abuse. When I ran away, I was safe.

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I just went to the neighbor's house and something happened, though, during that week. Nobody came to get me. And because nobody came to get me, I was instilled with this belief at age five that they don't love me and they don't want me around. And that's why they didn't come to get me. So my mom did know where I was, but I didn't know she knew where I was.

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So that's what was going on inside of my mind. And that belief stayed with me until I was about age 51 or 52. So I always had this sense of that, oh, they're all doing that together. They don't want me to be there. You know, I always had all these stories I was telling about all of that.

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After a week, my mom called the neighbor and said, Lydia's been gone long enough. You can send her home now. And I only know that because my mom told me that. And when she told me that years later, decades later, she laughed about it, you know, she didn't realize the impact that that one week in my life had on my future, you know? Of course.

00:06:32
So I. I truly believe that if she knew that, that's what would have happened, what had transpired, that she wouldn't have done it the way she did. Of course not. And, you know, I always say, you know, when. When we have children, we're not given an instruction manual, and we don't know what we don't know.

00:06:50
And your mother had no idea the impact that that would have on you. And back to what you were saying. When you're five years old, you know what's going on. I remember reading something because I was one of these folks, women who I was told I would never have children, had resided to the fact that I was never going to have children. So my son was born one month before I turned 35, so I was under the whole geriatric pregnancy.

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Right. Which is so silly, but. So I was one of these because I'm a self help junkie. It was no different when I had a child. So I'm reading books because I, you know, I'm a.

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I'm a peak performance coach, you know, like, I got to make sure I'm doing everything the best I can. And I. And there were some good information and then not so good information, but I do remember reading when he was a baby that even though they can't. Children can't talk and they don't know how to verbalize, they are watching you and they see everything. And so that was like, oh, like he's watching me.

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And I wanted to make sure that I was being that good mom and modeling that behavior. You know, the bad information that I got was give them choices. So I started giving my son choices. Okay, you can have this or this for dinner. All that did was create the most amazing negotiator on the planet.

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This kid can negotiate his way out of anything because I taught him. I thought I was giving. I taught him how to negotiate, and, boy, is he really good at it. Right? That's a great skill as long as you don't abuse it, I think.

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Right. It's like, it's a. It's a great skill as long as you don't abuse it. And to her mother. So that's awesome.

00:08:38
So I love that you were able to take that and turn it around and. Yeah, it kind of sucks that it took you five decades to figure it out. And it happens when it's going to happen, right? Yeah. Yeah.

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It is what it is. And at least you got there, right? And you recognize this. So what made you decide for every day, for a whole year, to face your fears? Well, what was that deciding moment like?

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Yeah, I remember the exact moment. You know, some of those things in life are those, those total game changers, and we remember them as if it were yesterday. I had worked in the corporate world for 36 years, and I had 49 jobs in that 36 years. Yeah, 49 jobs. And again, I like to say, was I running away or was I running to something better?

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And I used to, like, I quit jobs. I quit jobs. But it really. It was because I didn't feel appreciated, and I felt like there, I had so much more to offer, and I had. There was so much more about me that they weren't seeing or that I wanted to exercise.

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And so I would leave those, you, you know, jobs. I never got fired from a job. I always left. And my last job was working for a judge in the court of appeals. I'm in San Diego, California, and, like, that's the highest court you can work in.

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And I worked my way up that. That ladder, you know, that I was a legal secretary for 20 years, and just. I worked at eight different law firms, and then I worked for that judge, you know, in 20 years, the short period of time. And one day I was driving to work for that judge, and I was like, oh, my God, I hate my life. I hate.

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This is. This is awful. All I do is push papers around. For a judge, it's. It's the same thing as it's been for 20 years as a secretary, but it's just for a judge, that's the only difference.

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And, like, I hate my life. I hate my job. I can't stand it. Why am I here? Why am I on this planet?

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There's no purpose I don't do anything. I have no value. This was my true belief about myself. And when I got to work that day, there was a Facebook post. It said, I'm a life coach.

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I took some time off. I'm getting back into it. I'm looking for five women who want to change their lives. And I didn't know what a life coach was, but I knew one thing. I wanted to change my life.

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So I ended up reaching out to her. I worked with her for five months, and that was in 2024. And by the time I was done working with her, November of 24, I November 14, 2014. And by the time I was done working with her, I was like, what year am I in? I was like, I'm quitting that job.

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I'm going to become an entrepreneur, and I'm going to save the world. That was my belief. And so I ended up quitting that job. And then the month of December of 2014, I was by myself. I didn't have my life coach.

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And I noticed that I wasn't making progress like I had been for those previous five months, because I started growing. I started believing in myself, saying, I do have value. I do have a purpose. I just need to figure out what it is. She helped me to unlock all those doors.

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So on January 1, 2015, that morning I woke up and I said, oh, my God, I have so many fears that are stopping me from living. I'm going to break through one fear every day this year for the entire year. And that was that moment that I said, I'm going to do this. And that's what I did 365 days in a row. Wow.

00:12:26
Okay. So that's such a big undertaking. First of all, I'm not even sure if I can think of 365 fears that I have, because there's so many of them that at my age, I'm not willing to do them because for me, some of it would be jumping out of an airplane, which I can't do because I have a heart condition.

00:12:51
So there's a lot of fears that I wouldn't even attempt. So was there process to this? Or did you just. Each day you wake up and be like, okay, today is this one? Or, like, how did you manage that?

00:13:05
Yeah, a lot of people ask me, did you have a list? Like, no, I. There was no thought. There was no thought process at all. I just decided to do one simple thing, and that was that every morning before I get out of bed, I'm going to ask myself a question, and I won't get out of bed.

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Until the answer comes. The question was, what scares me? So I lay in bed, ask the question, wait till the response came. Sometimes it was instantaneously as if I had been dreaming about the moment for me to ask the question. And other times, you know, it took ten or 15 minutes, but I.

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I had to stay in bed until that answer came, because if I got out of bed, I knew I would start my day, you know? Yeah. So that was that. That was the whole plan, just to ask myself that question every day. And what I found to be surprising is that every day I did have something that came up.

00:14:00
Sometimes they were similar to something, another fear that I had already broken through. But the thing is that my fears were so deep rooted that I had to chip away at them. Just a little fear at a time. A little fear at a time. A little fear at a time.

00:14:16
So whether. And it was interesting because I thought for sure that one of those fears would be jumping out of an airplane or doing bungee jumping or, you know, like fear factory eating bugs or something like that. None of my fears were physical like that. They were all mental, every single one of them. I think that's probably true for most people.

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Right? I mean, when it. Yeah, you know, I took on a new coach. I've been working with her since last October, and that's probably been one of the biggest things that we've been working on together. And, and, you know, and I'm going on 35 years of this journey and peeling the layers away.

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And so, like, stuff comes up that I'm like, where did that come from? So I understand what you're talking about. Yeah. And it literally is all between the ears. Yeah.

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Because at the end of the day, you know, when I am on podcasts or speaking at, you know, doing speaking engagements, I always talk about, you know, finding your zone of genius. And. And for me, finding that zone of genius is all about consciousness. And when you come, when it, you know, at the end of the day, there's two states of being. You've got consciousness or ego.

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Now, when you break those down even further, what is consciousness? It's pure love. What is ego? It's fear. So it's really just about love.

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There's two states of being. You're either in a state of love or a state of fear. And as humans, we're always going to lean towards fear a thousand percent of the time. Well, it's in our DNA. It's just how we're wired as humans that even if it's just a split second thought right.

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And if you've done the work, like, you know how to make that shift very quickly. So my question for you is, now that, so it's been, my gosh, nine years, right. Since you did this. Yeah. How do you handle fear today?

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Because just so the audience knows, right. Like, you're still going to have fears. Right. It's. We're never going to be completely free of them, unfortunately.

00:16:40
So what is it like for you today? Yeah. Fear today, for me, is a great challenge because when I experience, because fear is an experience that we're having. And when I experience fear now, I like, oh, that's just fear. I have to do this because I'm scared.

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And I actually wrote a book called do it because you're scared. See, the thing is that, like, there's, there's a lot of sayings about fear. You know, feel the fear and do it anyway. Face the fear and run. Face the fear and rise.

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There's all these different, you know, things about fear, but the reality is that the vast majority of those are disempowering statements. They don't help us to grasp ahold of our fear and say, let me. Let my fear fuel me. They're like, okay, well, gosh, I just got to grin and bear it, just make my way through it, bust through that fear. But if we look at fear from a different perspective, here's what I discovered.

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The greatest thing I discovered during that year was that the vast majority of fears that I broke through, probably 99% of them, the result on the other side was I was proud of myself. I met somebody I wouldn't have met, a door was open that I didn't even know was closed, and my life transformed way in the positive. And so if that's the case, if the vast majority of time, when you break through a fear, you're going to get a great result. Why are you depriving yourself of breaking through that fear? So it's like, oh, my gosh, I have a fear.

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I have to do this because I don't, because I don't know what's on the other side. What's the beauty of it? A lot of times, we don't break through fears because we don't know what's on the other side. But if we just shift that one thing is like, I have to break through this fear because I don't know what glory of, what amazing this is going to be on that other side. We're now empowering ourselves with fear.

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We're saying fear is a good thing. We know, I know the difference of fear of running away from a bear, as opposed to walking into a networking event and talking to a stranger, which was one of my fears, by the way. Huge fear that I had. Yes. And so I know the difference between that.

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And I also realized that there's this saying that fear is false evidence appearing real. And I remember I was kind of dissecting those words, false evidence appearing real. There's nothing false about fear for us. That's. That are experiencing it.

00:19:16
It is real as real can be. I ended up coming up with my own acronym, and that's faith erases anxious reactions. Love it. I mean, I love that one, too. And it just really makes me think about how, again, how we can use little tips and tricks to make our way through those fears.

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And so, you know, because when your faith is strong, your fear is weak. When your fear is strong, this means your faith is weak. So if you're experiencing fear, you got to realize that, oh, my gosh, my faith is weak right now. What do I need to do in order to increase my faith so my fear will weaken? And one of those is that we, you know, tap into our faith in ourselves.

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You know, I got faith that I can do this. And if that's not enough, then we go to the next step, and we tap into the faith of our coaches, our mentors, those who support us in a positive way, not the negative people in our lives. And we reach out and say, I need help. I want to do this thing, but I don't know what to do. And then they will help to guide us through that.

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And if that's not enough, then we tap into what we believe. I believe in God, and so I tap into God, you know, my higher power, and I say, I am powerless. I need your help. I got to make it through this thing because I I want to see what's on the other side. And so faith erases anxious reactions.

00:20:36
I love it. Right, because you can't be. Be grateful and resentful at the same time. Right. You know, so.

00:20:46
So if you're feeling fear, you're. You've lost that faith. Or. Or for those who don't. I know some people don't like that word, faith.

00:20:56
It's. It's just trust. It's just trust. Faith is trust. It doesn't work for the acronym.

00:21:01
It doesn't work for the acronym. That would be tear instead of fear. Right. Exactly. So, that's the one thing.

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And it's so funny because, you know, life is a journey, right? Happiness, is a journey. You know, all of this stuff is not a. It's not a destination. It's all a practice.

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We're practicing this every single day. Facing your fears is something that I have to practice every single day. I practice being happy. I practice making choices and the right choices. And, you know, the thing is, is that we all have everything we need inside of us, and yet it is one of the hardest things to have faith in or to trust or to believe in, right?

00:21:52
Yeah, I think, um. I think it's our allowance of what people think and say about us that puts us into that doubt of ourselves. And for me, it started way back when I was a child. A lot of us, it started back when we were a child. And it's interesting, I don't remember exactly what it was, but I said something about myself to my life coach, and she said, who told you that?

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It was a belief that I had about myself that somebody else told me, because it wasn't true. It wasn't because she's looking at me. She's like, that's not true at all. You're like, who told you that? And I was like, oh, my gosh, what do I believe?

00:22:36
What beliefs of others have I adopted to be my own beliefs? So after working with her again, I was age 51 when I started working with my life coach, and I got to start to learn who I am, what I love, what I don't love, and what I believe about myself. And one thing that helped me to do that is I really did have to adopt the beliefs of others in me in order for me to see them myself. And I came up with this saying, to see yourself through the eyes of others, for others see the real you. This is the positive people, though, not the negative people in our lives who call us names.

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And, you know, I was called lots of names. My ex husband was famous for just berating me constantly, and I believed everything he said about me for 30 something years. I allowed myself to believe that to be his belief of me to be true instead of looking at myself. And so once I started to look at myself and discover who I really, truly am deep down inside is when I started being able to live an authentic life, live a vulnerable life, show up as who I really am. Without that fear of judgment, you'll be able to be on this happiness journey and see life as a good thing instead of like, when I had that idea that, why am I here?

00:24:04
Why am I on this planet? I have no purpose, no value. Now I see why I'm here. And that I do have purpose and I do have value, and it's a complete, complete mindset shift. Oh, my gosh.

00:24:16
I love it. Well, thank goodness that you did that. And this is a perfect segue to talk about your business and how you are helping empower women and men to write their stories because you're actually a ghost writer. Correct. Isn't that a big part of what you do?

00:24:37
It's a little bit of what I do. Okay. Yeah, yeah. We're. I'm a publishing company, and so my favorite part is the bringing together of everybody and getting their stories out there.

00:24:48
That's what I. That that's my. Where I shine. The ghost writing aspect is not my favorite piece. You know, just put it out there.

00:24:55
But we have people who ghost. Right. So that is great. Yeah. So, you know, finding, again, finding my place.

00:25:02
Right. This has been part of the journey. It's like, where do I fit best that I. That I shine the most so that others can shine their bright light instead of me trying to, you know, take over and everything. So we do have a team of people.

00:25:15
We publish books, and it's been. It's been incredible so far. To date, we've published over 500 authors in the last almost three years, a little less than three years. So it's been just an incredible journey, finding who I am, what I'm all about, and how I'm here to serve is to get the stories out there, because every single one of us has incredible stories to tell. But oftentimes, we don't see the value in those stories because it was just my life.

00:25:42
It's no big deal. And helping people to get that point, that they see the value of their story and how it can impact somebody else's life. One of my absolute favorite things that I do. Yeah. Because, again, and that's why I have this platform here, because we can learn from other people.

00:26:04
When you see, oh, wow. Pain is pain, regardless of the shape and sizes. Right. It comes in lots of shapes, lots of sizes. Pain for me is different than pain for you.

00:26:17
One's not worse, good, bad, or different from the other. It just because we experience it very differently. And when you can look at somebody else's story and say, wow, they got through that, you know, I got this, I can get through this. If they can go through that, then I can definitely go through this. Cause you're just shifting that perception.

00:26:37
So when people come to you, like, I'm guessing that you would have to be a little bit of like a coach and a mentor to them to kind of get to pull that out of them. Right? Yeah. Again, that's my favorite part. You know, I've interviewed hundreds and hundreds of people, you know, either on different shows or on red carpets and stuff like that.

00:27:00
And I've learned that one of my greatest talents is bringing. Bringing people's emotions, I guess, to the surface without them having any fear. They feel comfortable with me, and I think a lot of that is because, you know, I broke through a fear every day for a year. And so I really have this. This sense of empathy with people, and I'm a good listener.

00:27:21
I can just sit there and listen all day long without even saying anything, if that's what's necessary. And it's just my curiosity is always piqued. I'm speaking to people, so sometimes ask questions that are random, random questions, but they're like, I'm so glad you asked that question, because it reminded them of something. It sparked something in them that they'd forgotten was dormant. But it helps them to really bring those stories to the surface and to see again the value and the importance of us sharing our stories.

00:27:54
Storytelling has been around since the very, very beginning of time. It will never go away. But putting it into a book is where we can make a greater impact. And that's what I'm here to do, is to make a greater impact, and that's to help others, to shine a light on others so that they can make a greater impact, too. That's where I'm.

00:28:15
Why I'm here, is to do that. Well, and you're the perfect person, because you did break through 365 fears every day for a year, which is incredible. And to publish a book when you're telling your story is very hard. You know, I did it, and I'm about to, like, go through and, like, redo it just because there were so many things that I'm like, oh, nobody cares about that. You know, and there's.

00:28:43
Right. There's a lot of fear when you're telling your story. So how do you just. Because I know that there's gonna be a lot of people listening. Because I tell you, almost everybody you talk to when you just meet somebody on the street.

00:29:01
Oh, yeah. I've always thought about publishing a book. Yeah. And everybody's afraid to do it. Right.

00:29:07
So what is the one thing that people can do to take that next step toward being able to feel empowered enough to share their story? Yeah. First of all, there's a statistic that 24% of the population ever write their book. And only 3% ever publish. So, first of all, looking at those numbers right there, if you think about that's still a lot of people with 8 billion people on the planet, 3% is a big number.

00:29:38
But the reason why, you know, it's important for us to share our stories is that our pain is not for us. It's for others like that pain and purpose. Right? Because our pain leads to purpose. They say, let your, let your test.

00:29:54
Oh, my gosh. Let your test be your testimony. Like all these different things we've gone through in life, we can help others through those situations. Just like you mentioned that, you know, somebody says, oh, they've been through it. I can.

00:30:07
I can do it, too. And then when we really share our stories, we're able to impart the information that they need in order to go forward or. Because a lot of us, a lot of us live in negative environments. And so if we can read somebody's message and story about how they were, where I am today and how they got to where they are today so that I can make it through that, then we can, you. We can tap into that.

00:30:35
You. Have you ever read a book and you're asking everybody, everybody who's listening right now, have you ever in your entire life read a book that was transformational? I'm guessing probably at least one. At least one. So we think about that.

00:30:51
Why can't you be that book for someone else? Yeah. Someone needs to hear your message and your story so that you will help them to transform their lives. Yeah, that's right. You know, and the interesting thing, you can be that person for other people as well, and show up for other people in a way that you never even thought possible.

00:31:19
And, you know, that's. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Amazing, amazing stuff. Amazing stuff. So what is this?

00:31:30
You know, if somebody wants to work with you to get their story out, how would they go about that? You can find me@actiontakerspublishing.com and then also on all the socials were action takers publishing. Or you can reach out to me on all the socials. I'm Lydia. L Y n D A.

00:31:50
Sunshine west again, on all the socials with that as well. And, you know, here's the thing, is that you might be thinking, well, I don't really have anything important to share. You do. You just don't know what it is. And so that's what I love about you.

00:32:04
Hopping on calls with people is, as I'm talking, I take a lot of notes, and then I can reflect back to them, you know, the value of that story, of their message. And so, yeah, just reach out to me. Let's hop on a call and see what part of your story is, the part that you would like to share. You know, one thing is that what we really focus on at action takers publishing is, because the story is such a big deal for me, is that we. We focus mostly on the collaboration books, where people just write one small chapter.

00:32:34
They're a great way to get started. A great way to get started. That's how I got started in the books space. I was never a writer, never a reader. Not interested in either of those until I was in that first collaboration book.

00:32:48
And now I'm a 39 times number one international bestselling author. That all started with the first collaboration book. Love it, love it, love it, love it. That is so exciting. Wow.

00:33:00
Is there anything else that you'd like to share with the audience before we wrap this up? Yeah, definitely. If you're experiencing fear, just know that this is an opportunity, an opportunity for you to grow. You break through that fear, go do that thing, and then celebrate that you did it, celebrate yourself. And then look for what's happening after you break through that fear.

00:33:24
That's leading to more growth, because there always is going to be more opportunities for you to go through those experiences and grow through those experiences. So get out there and do it because you're scared. Love it, love it. Oh, my gosh, Lydia, such a great conversation today. I love talking about fear.

00:33:45
I hope that the audience has some inspiration. I'm sure, you know, you don't have to go out there and tackle one every day, but by all means.

00:33:58
That's kind of overwhelming for me, but I'm going to think about it. Okay. Do it for a week. You know, do it seven days in a row. Just see how it goes.

00:34:09
I mean, I think I kind of do anyway. Like, there's certain things, you know, I'm, like, most people wouldn't even guess that. I'm like a huge introvert, you know, and being on camera was the scariest thing for me. And now it's like, no big deal, right? Because you just have to just do it and, you know, but, but, yeah, so.

00:34:30
All right, folks, all of Lydia's information is going to be in the show notes. Reach out to her action takerspublishing.com and get your story out there because it needs to be heard. And if you. I mean, at the end of the day, if you can just change one person's life, it's worth it. Thank you so much, Sandy.

00:34:51
Yeah, thank you, Lydia. Thanks everyone.

00:35:02
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00:36:19
Don't miss out on this opportunity to deepen your journey with us. Again, that's happinesssolved dot supercast.com and it will also be in the show notes. I am so grateful you're a part of our happiness solve family and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for yourself, your continued support. Again, I am so grateful for you and I hope that you and your family are healthy and safe and that your lives are filled with peace, joy and happiness. Take care, everyone.