223. Finding Balance: Prioritizing Well-being for Entrepreneurs - Lauren Buckner

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This is happiness solved with America's happiness. Coach Sandee Sgarlata.

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Hello, everyone, and thank you for joining me today. I'm so happy you're here. I'm Sandee Sgarlata. I was born in Virginia and raised in the Baltimore Annapolis area and had very humble and tragic beginnings. And as a result, my life was a hot mess.

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Thankfully, 33 years ago, I got my act together and since that time, I have dedicated my life to serving others and raising awareness that no matter what you've been through, you can choose happiness and live the life of your dreams. Happiness Solved is dedicated to giving you content that is empowering, motivational, inspirational, and, of course, a dose of happiness. It's my way to give back to the world and share other people's stories. This thing called life can be challenging and my guests share their amazing stories, wisdom, and life lessons that demonstrate anyone can choose happiness. You see, happiness is a choice and the choice is yours.

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Today's episode is amazing and I am so grateful for you. Thank you for listening and don't forget to leave a review and follow me on social media at Coach. Sandee Sgarlata. Enjoy the show.

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Lauren Buckner, so excited to be talking with you today. We met online, got to meet in person last month when we both spoke at an event. So it's so great to see your beautiful face again. How are you today? Oh, thank you.

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It's so great to see you too. Yes, it is so amazing. Like, the connections you can make online can really grow into real things. Oh, yeah, for sure. I feel like most of my whole tribe I met online.

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It's just amazing. Thank you, Pandemic.

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Thank you for resurgence of Facebook. Yeah, exactly. All right, so you have such an interesting background and only just to give the listeners just a brief introduction. You're a lawyer, okay. No big deal, right?

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And you're focusing. I love how since I first met you, you've just evolved. So we're going to dive into everything that you do, but can you tell us a little bit about your backstory and how you got to where you are today? Because I think that it's really fascinating and a good lesson for not just women, but for everyone. Oh, yeah, of course.

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So if I am a real estate development attorney, I specialize in affordable housing and community development, and I've spent the past 17 years actually representing developers, contractors, private corporations, and just really helping them build their dynasty. I also am a mother and I have a movement background. I'm a former professional dancer and collegiate athlete. And life got to life, as we say, right? You get on this little assembly line and you go to the next step.

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The next step, the next step. And sometimes as you're going along those steps, you kind of forget who you are and you just really kind of go with the flow. And so that's exactly what happened to me, and I was really pushing, and I was at the top of my legal career, doing great from the outside, right? I think anybody would have traded places with me, and it'd have been like, I want Lauren's life. Her life rocks.

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And it did rock. Right. However, I had gotten so busy practicing law, focusing on my clients, also trying to be a super mom. And we know what that's like. You're trying to wear that case everywhere you go and really also serve my community, that I forgot to serve myself.

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And I don't even say I forgot. I just didn't even have room to serve myself. I looked at my calendar. I was overbooked. I was super busy, and I was nowhere to be found on my calendar.

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I had no capacity to even put myself on my calendar. I really tried to go back and forth and figure it out. I started to feel, like, really lethargic in my career and my motherhood. I started to gain weight. I just didn't feel like myself.

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I'm just normally a natural, energetic person, and I just felt blah, and I could not get myself out of this spot that I was in. I knew every technique to pull myself out, but I just didn't have any mental capacity. There was no space for Lauren. And so one day I woke up, and I'm a type A personality, and so I'm kind of like an all or nothing person, something I'm working on, right? So one day I woke up.

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I tried to make a few changes in my legal career, and they just were not working. And so I made a decision to leave the practice of law. I did not have a plan. I did not have a safety net, except for the belief in myself that I needed to do something for me. And so I did that.

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I left to practice a law to take a sabbatical for two years. And in that process, I really worked on myself, and I worked on putting myself back on my calendar, losing the weight, getting all this stress out of my life. And during that time, while I was discovering myself and really trying to save myself, I discovered that my passion and my purpose was actually helping other busy, overbooked women get unstucked unbizzy and take control of their lives. And during that sabbatical, I started my health and wellness business called Body by Buckner, which usually at that time was a DC boutique business. We were a brick and mortar where I focused working with busy women.

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We had classes, meditation, yoga cardio, lots of different workshops, and I really, really enjoyed that. And so after a couple of years, I felt like I was okay. I went back to the practice of law. I was a much better lawyer because I was now balanced. I also knew how to set some boundaries for myself.

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And also, to be honest, the thing that really happened is I discovered my value and my voice while I was away. So when I came back to the practice, when I came back to corporate America, I was just different. Right. I knew how to use my words. I knew how to create space and boundaries.

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So I was a much better lawyer as a much better mom. And then now I was like this blooming business owner and motivator and friend to so many other busy women. Oh, my gosh, I love it. So you had a key word there that I want to emphasize, and that is you found your value. Yeah.

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Can you go into that a little bit deeper to help the listeners? If there's someone out there that's struggling the way that you were, how did you discover that? What were some of the steps that you took to realize that value within yourself? Yeah, so the first thing I had to do was I had to take a step back from all the noise. A lot of times we are just in these systems, in these cyclones that are just built for us and not by us, and we just go with the flow.

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And there's a lot of noise that's going around. It's telling you one thing that you need to be doing, telling you things that you shouldn't be doing, and setting these expectations that you haven't created. And when you get lost in that noise, you forget who you are. You really forget that. I am like Lauren Buckner.

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I'm not just a lawyer. I'm not just this. I'm actually a person. And I come into this practice of law and wherever industry you're in as a whole person. So once I took a step back and I was able to quiet all the noise and literally spend some time with myself, it's something that we do not do enough.

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I think, for one, we get really uncomfortable by ourselves. We also get a little uncomfortable when we're not booked, and we're like, shouldn't I be doing something right now? No, maybe you should just be sitting by yourself. Right. Talking to yourself, legit, talking out loud to yourself.

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Right. Answering yourself back. That's okay. Remembering who you are, who you are, and what your purpose was for stepping out here to do whatever you're doing. So what I did is I started to journal because I was feeling a little lost, and I was feeling burnt out.

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And to be honest, I was feeling as if maybe law wasn't for me. Maybe I wasn't really cut out to be a lawyer. Maybe I'm not really good at it because I just was going with the flow, and I was like, is this really what I want to do? Right. I had just gotten caught up in, like, this is where you progress next.

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This is where you progress next. So I took some time to kind of really write and figure out and not figure out but tap back into little Lauren, right. The Lauren before she was a lawyer, before she was a mom. Like, what did I really like to do? When people ask you, what do you do in your spare time?

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And you go blank because you no longer have spare time and you're like, I don't know. I mean, if you can't answer that question, that's a problem. Right. So I took a moment, two years to really figure out who I was. And when I get back to who I was and when I did that, I realized that I had so many gifts inside of me, so much value, that I was shortchanging myself, and I was short changing my community and my society.

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I really was just focusing at, like, a fourth, a quarter of my level, of my capacity, and I wasn't giving everything that I really had inside me. And then I realized that I was more valuable than just a billable hour. Right. At the law firm that you're just billing hours. I'm like, I'm more valuable than your 8 hours.

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I need to build today. I'm more valuable than just coming out and speaking to clients and just be in the face of this firm. I'm more valuable than that. I have a lot to give. So once I was able to tap into my superpowers, which is a lot of times, I try to tell women and men, too, you have to tap into your superpower.

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What is it that makes you so amazing, that allows you to fly and soar high and to motivate and touch other people? And once I was able to do that, I realized, oh, my God, Lauren Buckner, you are super valuable. You can offer a lot to a lot of people. You can make change. And the most important thing is I realized I could do it on my own terms.

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I did not have to march to the beat of someone else's drum just because they said I have to, because that's the way society kind of marks it out for us. I was valuable enough. I was strong enough, I was smart enough to create whatever the heck I wanted to create. And I knew it was going to be successful because it was coming from the core and from my center. Yeah.

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Everything you said was amazing. And I also want to just emphasize what really had happened for you. How I see it is that you're in alignment with your true purpose, and it's hard sometimes to find that. Right. Because we think, we want to do this, we want to do this, we want to do that, and yet that's not always what's best for you and what's really in alignment with your true purpose in life.

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Yeah. And the purpose that you decide is your purpose. Right. Because we live in a society that kind of gives us our purpose. Yeah.

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We're so preconditioned by what society is dictating and you think that this is what we have to do or this is what we should do, right? Yeah, what you have to do is what you should do. I'm going through this right now with my youngest son. He's 18. He's getting ready to graduate high school.

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And as he was thinking about his next step I'm his new Age mom, right? So I'm all like, do whatever you want. Think outside the box. Right? You don't have to be a teacher, a firefighter or policeman.

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So he's trying to figure out what he wanted to do, and I really had to push him to get a little uncomfortable and to really tap into, like, what is it that you would love to do that if you couldn't do this every day, you would just die. I do not think it's computer science, Josh. He's like, I'm doing computer science. I'm like, really? That's your jam?

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I don't think so. Once he really did the work, and I think it's I mean, maybe when he'll look back, he'll be traumatized to have a mom like me. But once we did the work and got deep, he really realized that he loves cosmetology, so he's going to go to cosmetology school. And I gave him permission to do that. No, it's not traditional.

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It's not something that you would think of a young black boy going to cosmetology school to do hair and nails, but that's what he loves. And I'm like that's your purpose is to make other women and men feel good about themselves through the art of hair and nails. Then that's what you do. Not because you don't do what the school is saying that you should do. You do what you feel you've got to do.

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Yeah. Oh, my gosh, I love that. And I had kind of the same things with my son because his dad is a lawyer, and he's like, I really want to be a lawyer. And I'm like, okay. And and so, you know, he he did his whole major, which would put you a good major, polySi, which is a good major if you're going to go to law school.

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And I knew deep within that that was not what was right for him. He's a little stubborn. Like, he didn't want to listen to mom. And I'm like, okay, that's fine. Finally, the end of his junior year of college, he was like, I don't think I really want to be a lawyer.

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And I'm like, I told you that all along, because I just know this is not who you are. And they figure it out. They figure it out. But that's really great because my son, because he wouldn't listen to his mom, right? He's like, I really wish I had a different major in college.

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I'm like, yeah, because it's okay. It is what it is. You're now a senior, so just get through it. Figure it out. Right?

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But the lesson in that, though, is that it's never too late to make a change, and that's one of the biggest things that I tell people. So, I mean, I had this, like, AHA moment when I was 40, 41. So I'm 46 now, and I'm still every day growing and trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. But I think that part of finding that value in yourself is realizing that your life is really a journey, and maybe today what you want to do, and your alignment is here, and it's okay for it to move along the spectrum and for you to grow. And it's okay to pivot.

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It's okay. You don't have to just do what you've always been doing just because that's what you've done. So I think the lesson in that is, okay, so he made it through these four years, and he's like, not really. For me, that's okay. There's something valuable in that lesson.

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Pivot, do something else. Take something that you learn. I mean, there's always something that you can take from your current situation to take you out to the next level. Always. Oh, my gosh.

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Of course. I actually graduated from college 35 years after high school because I couldn't commit. I was like, I am not committing to a four year degree if I don't know what I want to do. Exactly. It makes sense.

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Yeah. You don't have to do the traditional thing, and college isn't for every person, the traditional four year college. And you know what? At the end of the day, most employers really don't care where you went to college. A lot of fields, you don't really even need a degree.

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It depends on what you want to do. But a lot of fields, you don't even have to have a college degree. That's so true. I mean, you say that again for the people in the back. You really don't need it for everything, and there are a lot of resources, a lot of trades that you can get into and really take your life to the next level.

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It all goes back to what you said, alignment, finding out what is aligned, what is walking step by step with your purpose and your passion and just going straight for it. Yeah, for sure. So speaking of pivoting, before we hit record, you were telling me how you're making a little bit of a pivot. Not a huge pivot, but I love it, and I think it totally makes sense for you. So share with the audience how you're pivoting right now.

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Yeah, so my pivot really is really a combination of everything that I am, and so I feel like now I'm going to be walking in my true, true power here, right? Yes, you are right. But you heard me say I've been practicing law over here in this bucket. I've been helping women get healthy and stress free over in this bucket. And in the middle, I also have my own little real estate portfolio and been mentoring people to get into that area.

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I was sitting back and I was thinking about everything that I do and saying, you know what, all of these things are separate. Really need to come full circle so that I can work with people literally from the bottom to the top. And so I'm doing a pivot. I've done a Pivot to start my business consulting firm. And in this firm, I will be working with entrepreneurs, small and mid sized businesses to provide them legal services, business coaching.

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And when I say business coaching, I mean I'm going to say a low level, meaning not what you see out here a lot on social media where people kind of talking about an email funnel, which are things that are important in the marketing, but literally the foundation, right? I'm going to help businesses create a solid foundation so they can have strong businesses from the legal aspect all the way up through all their structuring. And then part of that is also going to be a health and wellness emphasis because business owners, entrepreneurs, are stressed. They don't like to say that they're stressed, but we are stressed. And so movement, stress management, different tools and techniques need to be part of the business plan.

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I bet you, you cannot find one business owner that has written health and wellness into their business plan. They haven't written professional development, self development in their business plan and why that is important. That should be a line item. That should be part of your budget. How are you releasing stress?

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How are you staying healthy? Because we know that the mind and the body work together. If you want to be creative, if you want to be successful, your body's got to be strong. Your mind's got to be strong, right? So I am bringing all of those things together to create my business consulting firm, where I am just excited to help all different types and levels of women, female business owners.

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And I keep saying women because that's just my focus. But of course, men always sneak in there. So I'm not going to just tell a man, you can't come work with me. I will definitely work with men. I just have to say that.

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But my focus is on women because a lot of times we get forgotten and a lot of times people are not speaking our language and we are forced sometimes to walk in the male shadow in the man's steps. And there's a feminine energy that I really want to reignite in the business world, and I want women to know it's okay to show up as yourself, as a woman, as a boss babe, and to really kill it. So the business is focused on women, the men. Come on. If you want to, I will serve you.

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But I really am just looking to help entrepreneurs, aspiring entrepreneurs, create businesses. And the great thing about it is I'll be able to work with people at all levels. So if you're already established, I got you. If you're like, I want to start a business. I don't even know what that is.

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There'll be a whole coaching program for you to walk you through from A to B, and you will start a business when you're finished with the program. Oh, my gosh, I love that. While you were talking, I thought feminine energy. And then you said it, and I was like, yes. And that's really important for men, right?

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And also in business, because for so many decades, the business world has been so it's just been all this masculine energy. And now I've heard a few men here and there like, I need to tap into that feminine energy. So what would you say to men out there to explain that to them? Like, why that's important that they need to really tap into their own feminine energy? Because we all have the feminine and the masculine energy.

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Men have the feminine energy too. And I don't know that a lot of men really get that because they may be thinking in terms of, like, black and white. Well, I don't want to be feminine. It's not being feminine. It's a different if there's a difference there.

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Can you touch on that a little bit? All right, so when I say feminine energy and masculine energy, the masculine energy is a very straightforward energy, right? You don't look left. You don't look right. You just keep going.

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You stay on this track. Right? Very little communication, very limited collaboration, very limited emotions. Right. It's all about getting the job done quickly, efficiently, without any type of no feedback.

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Right? And so a lot of times women get caught up in that, and we're just working. We just like kind of where I was at first, right? I was caught up in that masculine energy. I was just billing, billing, billing, billing, billing, and then going home and trying to serve.

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It was all about serving. There was nothing that was coming back, and I wasn't supposed to expect to receive anything back. I wasn't expected to receive a congratulations, good job. I was expected to keep working. Right.

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You know, you've done a good job if I give you more work. Right? Okay. Right. Also coming to try to get help, go figure it out.

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That's the answer. That masculine energy will be just go figure it out. You can figure this out on your own, right? Go do the research. But if you don't really know how, do you know where to start?

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That feminine energy is much more nurturing. It allows for emotions to come through in the business world, in the outside world, it allows you to collaborate, which is a huge thing. It allows you to communicate, to be able to say, hey, I don't get this. I don't understand it. I need help, and it's okay.

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To realize that that does not make you deficient, that feminine energy allows you also to feel good, to actually connect with what you're doing. It's not a black and white thing. It's not, this is just my job. This is what I do. That's where you get beaten up.

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That's when you burn out. This is my job. This is just what I do. No, it's not just what you do. It should come from a place that gives you some type of fulfillment.

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And it's okay to feel that. It's okay to also take a step back and say that I want to have balance. That really shakes up. Men, if you talk about balance, they're like balance. What is that all about?

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Right? I want to feel balanced, and that's okay. And it's achievable. So the feminine energy really allows you to sit with yourself for a little bit, take in your feelings, take in the feelings of those around you, figure out the best environment that is nurturing for you to get the best results. And so that feminine energy is just so important.

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And when you're working with a coach or someone who's trying to really help you build your business, it's important that your energy matches. Because if I'm working with and I want to just say men are all like that because they're women who have masculine energy, right? And that's their dominant energy. But if I'm working with someone and I do have a lot of feminine energy that is on the forefront here, and I'm working with someone who was really just like, do this x, Y, and Z. Let's not ask any questions.

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It doesn't matter how long this takes. Just get it done. Then I'm not going to be successful in what I'm being coached in, because I'm not going to feel good receiving that energy. I'm going to feel stressed. If I feel stressed working with my business coach or my lawyer, then I don't need to be working with you because you're supposed to be taking that stress away.

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So with my business, with my consulting firm, I'm going to bring that feminine energy. I'm going to be a lot more hands on. I'm going to give you permission to talk about it, to vent about it. We're going to do work together so that we come up with something that really resonates with you and, as you say, as an alignment with your purpose. Oh, my gosh.

00:23:48
Beautifully said. That was really incredible. All right, before we finish up, is there anything that you want to share with the audience that we haven't talked about so far? Let's see. The first thing I just always want to share with anyone who listens to me is that you are worthy of doing and achieving whatever it is that you want.

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You are worthy. You have something inside of you that the world needs. Okay? I don't care how small you think it is. It is not to someone, it will be life changing.

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Whether that be in a business, whether that be in just serving, whether that just be in saying hi to someone, remember that you are worthy and that you have something valuable inside of you. When I launched this firm, I would love to be able to sit down with each and every one of you and just talk to you about what type of business is inside of you. And the business doesn't always have to be 100%. I'm full time in this business. You can have a business that's quarter time, half time, three quarters of a time.

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You can have a business that you want to replace your career. You can have multiple businesses. It's important to have something that is yours. It's something about creating a business where you can create your own money, your own power, your own control. That just really is liberating.

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And maybe that's the feminine part of me, right? It's just like, have your own be able to create your own, where nobody can tell you what to do or no one can take that seat away from you, right. Where you can always determine your destiny. So I'd love to just be able to speak to each and every one of you and let's just talk about what business is inside of you. And that's all I want you to think about.

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Don't start with the limiting beliefs about, I can never do this, I don't have the money, because that's all a lie. There are so many resources out there to get you started, but you have to start here and then you have to start here. What's in your mind? What's in your heart, and let's put them together. Oh, my gosh, I love that.

00:25:41
That is so brilliant. And how can people reach out to you? Yes. So social media right now, you can reach me at Laurenjale. That's Lauren.

00:25:50
And I'm sure that's going to be down here at the bottom for you, so don't worry about it. Right? Yes. My email is Lauren@bucknerconsult.com and our website is underway, but I'm sure by the time this airs, we will have that, and then you'll be able to share that with the audience. If you ever need anything, you could also find me on Facebook at Laurenbuckner.

00:26:17
All right, Lauren, thank you so much. This has just been such an amazing conversation that so many people are going to get value from it. Good. I hope that they find a lot of value and they walk into their purpose. All right, thank you so much.

00:26:32
Thanks.

00:26:44
I certainly hope that you enjoyed today's interview. Thank you so much for joining me. And as always, I hope that you and your family are healthy and safe and that your lives are filled with peace, joy and happiness. Take care, everyone.