219. Acknowledging Struggles: Erin Washington's Insights on Self-Care and Self-Love

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This is happiness solved with America's happiness. Coach Sandee Sgarlata.

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Hello, everyone, and thank you for joining me today. I'm so happy you're here. Here, I'm Sandee Sgarlata. I was born in Virginia Beach and raised in the Baltimore Annapolis area and had very humble and tragic beginnings. And as a result, my life was a hot mess.

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Thankfully, 33 years ago, I got my act together and since that time, I have dedicated my life to serving others and raising awareness that no matter what you've been through, you can choose happiness and live the life of your dreams. Happiness Solved is dedicated to giving you content that is empowEring, motivational, inspirational, and, of course, a dose of happiness. It's my way to give back to the world and share other people's stories. This thing called life can be challenging and my guests share their amazing stories, wisdom, and life lessons that demonstrate anyone can choose happiness. You see, happiness is a choice, and the choice is yours.

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Today's episode is amazing and I am so grateful for you. Thank you for listening and don't forget to leave a review and follow me on social media at coach. Sandee Sgarlata. Enjoy the show.

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Erin Washington I am so excited for this conversation because we met in person in DC. When we were both speaking at this amazing event. And I just am so thrilled to. Be crazy that we met there when I found out that we lived right near each other for years. And I recently moved to Atlanta and I had to come back to DC.

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To meet you. Go figure. But here we are. Here we are. So you are an author, a former college athlete who struggled with weight and body image for 20 years.

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Wow. Yes, ma'am. So we're going to talk about all of this and more. I like to just give the listeners just a little insight, but you're also married to a former NFL player, which is so freaking cool. I guess.

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I don't know. I've never been married to an NFL player, so how would I know? But it just seems really cool. Yeah, we've been together for 18 years, so it's like all I know at this point. I met him when I was 24.

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I love it. And I think you have a great story around that part, too. Which you want to start with, meeting your husband's story or how you got into what you're doing now a little. Bit before that to kind of just show you where I was before when I met my husband because I was not in a good place. I struggled for over a decade with multiple eating disorders.

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All of the eating disorders, they kind of evolved from anorexia when I was playing soccer in high school to depression and actual bulimia when I got into college. And my career ended right after college, I moved to DC. And I ended up getting a job at CBS. It was Westwood one radio, and I was the executive assistant to the senior VP. And I was depressed.

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I was bulimic still. I kind of made soccer my identity, and when that was gone, I didn't have any other value or self worth. So I'm kind of just like, coasting through life. I work for him for a year, and he tells me that he has a new opportunity with the Washington Redskins now commanders. So I'm like, my life is in shambles.

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But apparently I was one hell of an executive assistant during this time because he takes me with him. And I know I shared this with you. When I got there, they made me sign something saying that I wouldn't date a player or a coach or I'd be terminated. And I remember thinking, who would be stupid enough to talk to one of these players? Like, I have a job on TV working for an NFL team.

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And about a month later, we were doing a segment A Day in a Life, and it happened to be the player that I had already spotted admittedly on the website. And like I said, I, being the professional that I was, gave him my cell number just in case he had any questions about the shoe. Of course. Why wouldn't I? So professional.

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And we started dating. We dated for a year and had to hide it because I had to sign the thing. So I ended up saying, I'm not going to be a broadcast journalist. I'll just quit and we can date in public. I met his family at this point, but as I mentioned, I had so much negative body image and just like, no self worth.

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My now husband was coming off of a Pro Bowl season, and he was in the height of his career, so everyone would kind of approach and come up to the table. And as soon as that happened, I would just immediately go into my head and kind of question what the hell he was doing with me, because I had no self worth. And if I were in his shoes, there's no chance I would have chosen me for a girlfriend. So when you don't have self worth, you kind of expect people to let you down. I became obsessed with catching him cheating on me and feeling like there had to be something else, like he's not just dating me and how he stayed with me and that we are married now for eight years.

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I'm not sure how he put up with it, but now I think back, maybe I was trying to get him to leave me because I figured it wouldn't work out at some point, but. Trying to sabotage it or something. Sabotage? Yes. Now finally coming into my value and my worth.

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In my 40s, we're on a much more even level, and our relationship works a lot better when someone's not in the other person's phone every time they go in the shower. Wow. Yeah, as I was.

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So he obviously knows you were doing that, right? Oh, yeah. It was just like I don't know. I guess he was like, I don't know what you're looking to find. Like, you've met my family.

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I had no value except soccer. Like, growing up, I did very well in soccer. I started as a freshman on varsity in high school, I got a Division One scholarship, and it was like, when people would ask where I was going to college, it was always like, for soccer, like, I had to let people know I played soccer, and I was the captain, and we were back to back state champions. It was my value. And when you put everything into one thing, and that thing is gone, it's like you have no worth.

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It's like there's nothing else, and you fall into depression. I say now, like, you have to diversify. You have to put a little bit into everything, not just one thing. And I'm a first born obsessive perfectionist, and for some reason, soccer became the thing upon which I obsessed. And I have three younger sisters, and none of them had that.

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And all of them played Division One soccer in college and had successful careers and didn't stress it like I did. So now, as a mother of my firstborn as a daughter, my life's goal is to make sure she does not obsess and struggle like I did and that she knows her worth. Yeah, that's so, so critical. And, you know, I work with a lot of elite athletes, and that's one of the things that I make sure that they especially for the for the women that I work with, like, it's so important because they can I mean, you know, we're women. We're our own worst enemies sometimes.

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For sure. It's hard. Yeah. That's your identity. You have to find something else to almost channel that obsession.

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If it was all going into sport, now you got to find somewhere else to channel it. And I laugh like, I became obsessive and stuff about my body, but when people are like, how did you stop with, like, the bulimia? And I'm like, I think I just I didn't have, like, some come to Jesus moment. It was like I became obsessive about the relationship, and everything went there, and my eating disorder kind of fell away. And it's not saying that that's how it will work or it should work, but for me, finding something else to channel my attention and obsessive nature into made the negative thing that I was obsessing on disappear.

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Yeah. Oh, hey. I can totally relate because I'm obsessed with tennis, and if I don't have a really big audacious goal, I don't do what I need to do to compete at the level I want to compete at. I have a training plan. I've got you need some direction.

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It's like, look at my husband now. He's been retired since 2009, and that was obviously his whole life, like, what he wanted to do, and then it's just done, and you need something else. People are like, that's so amazing. He retired at 32, and I'm like. Kind of actually, I mean, 32, that's a good career in the end.

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Yeah, it was a great career. But you need now there has to be something you're used to schedules and meetings and training room and practice, and then that's done. And you may not have to work financially, but like you just said, you put together a training program, something to drive you and to fulfill you and just to have that kind of something that you have passion for again, because when that's gone, you just kind of like I always say, you're existing, you're not living. Right well. And what I found, too, is, like, while I'm so passionate about my podcast and my books and my coaching practice, so passionate about that, it's just for me to keep up that physical activity that we need.

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And as I get older, like I say all the time, everything I do is for my future self. And I wasn't motivated. Like, just doing it for my future self wasn't enough. Unfortunately, I need to have a goal just because of it's just part of who I am, right? And you have to embrace who you are and then pay attention to it and go with it.

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And when you feel good in your body, like, your training stuff, it spills over to every relationship. And same with the reverse. When I had my body image hanging over me, I thought I was doing everything the right way, and I was working out obsessively, like, seven days a week, sometimes twice a day, only cardio, barely eating, and I was 20 pounds heavier. And that frustration would spill over. Like, I'd be short with my husband, and it wasn't him, it was the noise of my body.

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And once I got that under control, it's like now everything else, it's like the thing that was kind of looming. Once you take care of that and you feel good in your body, it's, like, hard to get me down anymore. Nothing really sets me off how I was living before everything did, because I was frustrated in my body. And once you feel confident in your body and more just, like, calmed down and not just obsess about it, I'm a better wife, I'm a better mom for sure, because it spills over well. And you're taking care of yourself.

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And if you don't take care of yourself first, how can you be there for everybody else in your life? You can't pour from an empty cup. No, you cannot. All right, so for those who are listening to this, Erin has this amazing picture behind her with a woman with a butterfly on her face. And you have such a great butterfly story that just thinking about it is giving me chills.

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More has happened since I've even seen you. And really, it doesn't even rattle me anymore. I'm so expectant of it. Blue butterflies are my thing. So the first thing was Nashville, basically.

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Now I speak to other women to kind of encourage and inspire them that if I can come out of all of my mess for 20 years, that you can too inspire women to find their best selves. So I find myself speaking with Gabby Bernstein in Nashville, and this is kind of when my spiritual journey kind of started, because I was like, what the hell am I going to talk to these women about that are coming to see Gabby that is going to be like, on this spiritual vibe that two years ago I wasn't on yet? And I had read the Universe Has Your back. I feel like, who hasn't? But I read all of Gabby's books because I was like, this is a sign that I need to get more spiritual.

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And I ended up doing my talk on how everything was aligned. Like, everything that I went through was for me to come through on the other side and have the platform that I do now. I have a podcast. I have a second book coming out to inspire and empower women. And I'm giving this talk.

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And as soon as I'm done, this woman comes up to me and she hands me a book. And she said, It's my not yet published book. I brought one copy, and I feel like I'm supposed to give it to you. I was like, okay, thank you. And she tells me that her daughter had drowned during COVID and that she comes to her now as a blue butterfly.

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And I had a jumpsuit on. And I'm like, hold on, hold on. And I'm, like, trying to unzip it to show her the blue butterfly tattoo that I had on my back that I got when I was 19. And it had no significance at the time. I just thought it was cute.

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And Britney Spears had one. But so that's the first thing. And so the butterfly and I'm like, I'm so weird. Sandy two weeks later, my kids are playing in the front yard, and I'm sitting on the front porch, and a blue butterfly lands right next to me. And I remember thinking, like, I've never seen a blue butterfly in person.

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I've seen orange ones, yellow ones. But I was like, It's so beautiful, and it's not flying away next day in the same spot, blue butterfly. And it was, like, right on my doorstep. So I would come to expect it, and in the morning, I would look out my front door, and it would just be there, flapping. It didn't fly away.

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If my kids came out first, they'd be like, Mommy, your butterfly's here. I would come out, nowhere to look. And so I'm like, this is so weird. Like, the blue butterfly, the book. And then I'm like, universe.

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I see it. Obviously, I see it's here every day. What am I supposed to do with it? I didn't know what to do. So I'm on a call with my business coach, and I've been telling her my platform is my purpose to inspire other women.

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But I want to create a legacy, and I want there to be a nonprofit foundation where girls who are teenagers and struggling with body image and self worth can go to speak to other women who have come through those same challenges. Not like going to therapy with a man that's like, tell me about your body image. And you're like, you don't get it. A woman that has been through that, I said, I want it to be a safe space. And I've been telling her about it was like, I'm not sure.

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And so randomly, on a day, she was like, we need to get that nonprofit profit up and running. What do we call it? And in that moment, it was completely clear. I said blue butterfly. And I never saw it again.

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Wow. And at the time that we're recording this, Sandy, I did a podcast yesterday with a spiritual medium, and she's like, you got the message. Like, that butterfly was being used. That life purpose of the butterfly was for you to get the message that you're supposed to do this. I went to Pigeon Forge, Tennessee, this weekend with my family, and there's, like, seven rooms in this cabin that my sister rented.

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Of course I walk into a room, there are blue butterflies all over the wall. And I was like, this will work. I put it on Instagram. People were like, no way. Yesterday, the medium, she was like, there's people here now.

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She holds up a butterfly. Sandy and then she's like, Wait, the butterfly behind you. And I was like, Rebecca, it doesn't even shock me anymore. It's everywhere, right? And it's like when you open yourself up, the universe is guiding you and showing you exactly what you're supposed to do.

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But I always say, you're looking at your phone. And once you start looking for the guidance, it's right there. Like, this butterfly was in my face, and it was like, once I got the message, it left. I still have not seen it to this day. And I know that that's what I'm supposed to do with my life.

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And now everything that I went through will live on through blue butterfly. And my hope is that the teenagers that go through it as teenagers will come back and be blue butterflies for the next generation. So my legacy will be that there will always be blue butterflies in the world. I love it. It's just so incredible.

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And there are signs. I have a chapter in my book about this. There are signs all around us all the time. And if you're open to seeing them, they're going to appear. Yes, and you can ask and I've just been on that medium.

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She's like, you can ask for confirmation. She's like, It's not like the universe is like, you're doubting? Why do I need to prove myself? And I was like, that's kind of almost how I was like, I didn't want to second guess, but she's like, Ask for confirmation. Absolutely.

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You will get it, and you just have to be open to it. And Moms, I have a seven and a four year old, and it's very hard for me to just be open to things. I'm usually like making sure my son's not up a ladder, but you have to kind of just quiet your mind. You can do it through meditation or whatever it is or walk in nature. For so many years, especially when I was in my mess, I would just run because I was out of burn, calories and sweat, and I'd listen to music.

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So I was in nature, but I wasn't present in nature. Now it's no AirPods. I just walk, and it's like, the things that come to me, I have to come home because I don't have my phone, and I'm, like, writing all these things down. I'm open now, and it's just like I can see it. I had sigh wakeman.

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She's a motivational speaker, but she was like, once you do 1oz of spiritual work, she's like, It's like you were looking through a peephole. Everything was right there, but you could only see right here. Everything opens up. And I was like, that's exactly. It was like, right when I started the spiritual journey, all of this happened within a couple of months.

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That's incredible. And listeners, that's all it takes. I always say. It's kind of like you've got the blinders on. Like horse races.

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Same thing. Yeah. And people, they have the tunnel vision, and they're only looking in front of them. Yeah, because there's no time. You're not open to it because you're just, like, in your I live that way for so long.

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Like, just survival, especially moms of young kids. So I get it. I can relate to that. But if you put it out, like, I would say, live authentically and purposely, you put your authentic self out, the guidance will come. Like, I got my show because I was on Instagram during the pandemic, asking all their moms of what the hell I was supposed to do with my kids because the playgrounds were closed and the libraries were closed and the schools were closed, and other moms would come on and be like, Scavenger hunt.

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Get a pine cone. Go find a stop sign. Pro tip. Put something on there like a cow so they don't find it, and they stay out there. And I'm like, yes, this is great.

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So I would like, every week, be like, Pour a cocktail, because we couldn't do that. And we'll talk about momming in a pandemic. And I was just being my authentic self. There was no other reason. I didn't have any what's the word I'm looking for?

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Any other aspiration for anything, it wasn't an interview, but a program director at WTOP News in Washington was watching me every week. And one day she called and said, I want this to be a show on podcast one, and we will produce it. And I'm like, what's the show about? And she's like, you just do what you're doing, and we will do everything else. And that's how Squats and Margaritas podcast.

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Was born, which is perfect because that was the next thing I was going to ask you about, is how that came to be. It's just like in tune. Yes. As you're a good host, because it's just glowing. That's what it is.

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Yeah. I never thought I would do a podcast, and if podcast One was doing, like, auditions for a new show host, that would never have even I'm not going to be all auditioned for that. But what was for me came to me when I was literally dropped on my lap when I was putting myself out into the world, authentically and organically with no other intention. I was just being me. So I tell women now, if you're feeling kind of itchy is how I felt.

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Like, I love being a mom, but I felt like there was more. And I feel like, moms, don't say that out loud. But I will say it out loud. And I wasn't sure what it was. I sure as hell didn't think it would be a wellness platform and a podcast after my history.

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But if you're feeling that way, start putting yourself out into the universe. Write a blog. Share something that you've been through or what's something you could teach someone. You find purpose when you share that. And you create a community of other women that are still in mess, and you can help them out.

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And once you start putting yourself out there, you just have to look for the guidance. I always say you just have to look for the butterflies, and you will get the clarity. It will be at a random moment. Like, I was on that call, and she's like, what do we call it? And it bam, blue butterfly.

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Okay, this job is done. The butterfly left. You just put yourself out into the world and look for the guidance. I love it. Well, and they always say when the student is ready, the teacher will appear exactly what happened.

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And, you know, gettrude like my teacher I said on an instagram reel that I really want to do a Ted Talk. I was like, I want a Ted Talk. I want to talk to the woman working out, not seeing results. And this girl was like, I have someone that's done three. And it was like, I don't even know who reached out to getchard manifested.

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Sandy. She was like, I've done three Ted Talks. Like, I can help coach you on a Ted Talk. But again, I put myself out there. Yes.

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I said I wanted to do a Ted Talk in a real, or I'll be, like, manifesting out, be like when I do my Ted Talk. But somebody saw it, I put it out there, connected me with her, and was like, I know someone that's done three. Like, you just have to put it out there and then sit back and watch the guidance. Yeah. Now, have you done a Ted Talk yet?

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I have not. I am close, and they've just asked for a couple more things. So I hope that that's the follow up that is getting closer. Like, I submitted, and then we're going back and forth, and we're tweaking something. I'm hoping.

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Have you I feel like you probably. I mean, I've applied. I was really focused on it last year, and nothing came through. I had worked with a coach on developing it, and now it's been almost two years, and my whole focus has shifted. And I didn't work on it last year because we were living in temporary housing, and I didn't know when I was going to move.

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And it's such a big commitment. Yes. About this. I can help. I have some ideas.

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Yeah. So it was kind of like I didn't want to put myself out there and then not be able to commit to it. Exactly. You know what a long process is. They want to see all this stuff.

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You had to fill it all out. I don't have any kind of admin. I probably should get one. It was like, me doing all and I'm like, I've applied to six, and I'm done because I don't want to do this anymore. It takes too long.

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And I stopped focusing on it, and then I actually can't say too much about it. I shot something recently that hasn't come to fruition yet, but somebody else in the room with me was a city councilman in Atlanta, and I'm just talking like this. I was talking to the host, and he was like he followed up and was like, I see you on a Ted stage. This is a Ted Talk. And I was like, I really like to I don't really know.

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And then he knew someone at Ted, women who reached out to me and was like, Congress. I mean, the councilman. And it's like I wasn't even focused on it. Now I'm focusing on my new book and all these things, and it was like when I stopped focusing on it was like, Here you go. Here's the person to talk to.

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And I didn't have to hold application. It was, like, great. Easy. Yeah. Because there's a lot of different ways to land it, and you don't always have to go through the proper channels.

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All right. Your second book from paint. Purpose Finding Meaning in the Mess. I love that topic. Thank you.

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It's exactly it's my life. And I just recently realized that that's why I went through all that. It's a revised edition. I wrote Squats and Margaritas a Journey to Finding Balance. It came out in 2020, and it was basically about how for so long, I struggled, as I mentioned, like, restricting and eating disorders.

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And my whole focus was just trying to be thin. And I lived in a state of stress and everything was working against me. And I figured out that it's not what women have been taught. You have to eat more, you have to stop all the stressing. You have to weight train instead of cardio.

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So I'm like, I'm going to write a book to the women working out, not seeing results. And I put it out, and it's funny, like, looking back, it's like, I thought I was writing as, like, my highest self. Like, look at these ABS. I have made it. And I had no spiritual transformation yet.

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And pain to purpose is everything that happened after it. Because when that book came out, I didn't have my show, I didn't have my foundation, I didn't have all these stories that we're talking about now. So it's a continuation of Squats and Margaritas that's still there. So the woman that's working out, I share my story and how I found that it's not what women have been taught, how I found my physical ideal. And that how that led to opportunities that I kind of took a step further to make into a brand and speaking opportunities and a podcast and a foundation.

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Yeah. It's gotten to the point where I say this almost every time I interview someone. You have to reach a point in your life when you're going through pain and everything, where you come to the realization that it happened for you and not to you. Yes. And you don't I found it at 40.

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Like, it doesn't have to you may not know yet. Yeah. And I don't think I said this when I said, I want to write this book. I got a writing coach because I've written blogs. But she's like, who are you?

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Are you a nutritionist? Are you a trainer? And I'm like, no, but I have figured it out after a long time. And she's like, you have no credibility. If there was a story, you have to tell it.

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And I was like, oh, no, just the shame bulimia. I can't think of a more shameful thing. You don't want anybody to know about that. And at the time of the book, I think I hadn't done it in, like, ten years, but I never acknowledged it to the universe. It was like, thank God nobody found out about that.

00:25:07
And I kept telling her, no, I just want to help women. And she's like, you have no credibility. You're not a trainer, you're not a nutritionist. If you don't tell your story, no one is going to relate to you or. No one's going to think you're credible.

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And one day I wrote it. I didn't even send it back to her yet. And I never thought I would tell anyone, and I ended up telling everyone. And as soon as I wrote it, it was instantly I felt lighter, and it was like I could breathe, and all of the shame was lifted. And now it's like I talk about it so casually because it doesn't have that hold on me anymore.

00:25:39
And it was scary the first time. But what I tell people is like, what's the thing? What is that thing that you are still carrying? Even if it's not happening anymore, you're still carrying it if you have not acknowledged it to the universe. You don't have to write a book, but you can just write it in a journal, tell someone, release it.

00:25:57
So you can release the shame. And that's when you start living your life. Exactly. So I don't know if the listeners can hear this or not, but of course they're picking up my trash right now, right outside my window. I can't hear it.

00:26:10
Okay, good. Nothing. Oh, my gosh. Aaron so your book will be out May 2, and where else can people find you? My website is squatsamargheritas.com.

00:26:22
That's my blog. There's a link to the book. There a link to the podcast. I have a store with Squatsamargaritas merch. The thing I'm most proud of, though, is my show, Squats and Margaritas podcast is wherever you get your podcast.

00:26:35
And I mainly talk to other women about balancing all the things, like being a mom while building a brand, while finding time for yourself, how people build their brands, how people find time to stay in shape. I'm on a sober, curious journey, so if you want to join me on that, I talk about that a lot and my new spirituality stuff, but I've had some amazing guests. It's the thing I'm most proud of. It's called squats and margaritas. And from pain to Purpose Finding Meaning in the Mess comes out May 2.

00:27:03
And I'm mostly just on Instagram for social media, and it's Erin Washington. Awesome. Thank you so much. You're so amazing, and I'm so excited that we met so that I can be one of your cheerleaders and cheer you on and support you in any way. I feel the same.

00:27:22
You're going to be on a Ted stage. You belong on a Ted stage. It'll happen. When it happens, it will happen. You inspire me to step up my speaking game.

00:27:31
I mean that. And you just shine. So it's an honor to do your podcast. Thank you so much, Erin. So great to see you.

00:27:39
And thank you, everybody who's listening today.

00:27:52
I certainly hope that you enjoyed today's interview. Thank you so much for joining me. And as always, I hope that you and your family are healthy and safe and that your lives are filled with peace, joy and happiness. Take care, everyone.