210. Breast Cancer Survivor Finding Purpose with Mindie Kaplan

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This is happiness solved with America's happiness. Coach Sandee Sgarlata.

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Hello, everyone, and thank you for joining me today. I'm so happy you're here. Earth. I'm Sandee Sgarlata. I was born in Virginia Beach and raised in the Baltimore Annapolis area and had very humble and tragic beginnings.

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And as a result, my life was a hot mess. Thankfully, 33 years ago, I got my act together, and since that time, I have dedicated my life to serving others and raising awareness that no matter what you've been through, you can choose happiness and live the life of your dreams. Happiness Solved is dedicated to giving you content that is empowering, motivational, inspirational, and, of course, a dose of happiness. It's my way to give back to the world and share other people's stories. This thing called life can be challenging, and my guests share their amazing stories, wisdom, and life lessons that demonstrate anyone can choose happiness.

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You see, happiness is a choice, and the choice is yours. Today's episode is amazing, and I am so grateful for you. Thank you for listening and don't forget to leave a review and follow me on social media at Coach. Sandee Sgarlata. Enjoy the show.

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Mindie Kaplan it is so great to see your beautiful face again because we met in New York City a few weeks ago.

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Yeah, thank you so much for being here. This is great. Of course. Yeah, I'm excited. So when I heard you talking about what you do, I was like, I have to have her on my podcast because you created a new media brand called the Mail Realm, and it takes women inside the mind of men by going straight to the source.

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So you have a podcast. You've been featured in People, new York Times, Cosmopolitan, Chicago Sun Times. I mean, this is crazy. How did you come up with that? Well, funny enough, I am living it in real time.

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So within dating, I found between myself and friends that are either holding out or newly divorced. I think everyone is very confused right now, and I felt like most of the content out there for single women is very self help. And no one was really going to these guys and saying, why do you think this way? Why don't you say that and do that? And what does text mean?

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And so through partially just being in the demographic and the other part was just as a marketer, I thought, well, no one's doing this, so I want to just try it. And that was my first step, was just to test it out and that I went from there. That's awesome. So we'll talk more about that because I have some questions about that as well. But can I hear your backstory?

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Because you also have another initiative that you're working on called Mimosas.com because you're a recent breast cancer survivor. I didn't know that about you. So can you share us with the audience that journey? Because that's such another big topic that so many women are facing today. Definitely.

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I think the way that I found out was very unexpected, number one. So I have no family history and it was just through a routine check that I found it. So number one, I just tell all my friends and family, anyone I talk to is just be proactive, number one. And then on a deeper level, for me, I took a different approach. I was first when I found out a friend of mine connected me to another friend who had been through it, and she said to me from the beginning, this is really going to change you.

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And I became a lot more serious after. And I just thought to myself, well, that's not me. I want this to give me more perspective. I thought I had enough before, but I'll take more. But I didn't want my life to be so heavy after this point.

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So I really approached it in my own way, which was being serious when I needed to be, but there was a lot of lessons in it and there was a lot of lightness and crazy enough, a bit of some comical moments that I really embraced. And I met so many people through doing it, and I felt like this approach wasn't out there. So the whole premise behind Mimosas.com is to grab a friend, grab Mimosa, go get a mammogram together. And that's just my takeaway, was so many women weren't getting checked and some were just too scared. And I thought, well, I always brought a friend and sometimes I'd bring a guy I was into or dating or like, I would never go alone.

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And so I met a lot of people in waiting rooms and a lot of people were alone. And I just thought, well, maybe this is a way to approach it differently and also from it too. It was a good wake up call and I'm sure you talked to a lot of your guests about going after what you want. I did have some moments too, while I was recovering, when I thought, the minute that I'm free from this, I'm going to jump into things I've wanted to do, one of which, ironically, is this mailroom idea. So in between surgeries, I got a microphone.

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I asked some guests to join and I just kind of went for it. So that was my biggest takeaway, is just approaching anything, whether it's a health issue like this or a challenge, is just approach it in your own way. I created a breast advisory committee. We had a going away party for the girls the night before, and that's me. And that felt more authentic instead of, well, now I'm depressed.

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And again, there were really tough moments, so not discounting that. But I really approached it in my own way, which got me through it. I love that because it's such a big issue today and so many women need that encouragement. And also, if somebody is diagnosed with cancer of any form, it's so great to hear the stories of others that have gone before them, because that gives people strength, right? Definitely.

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And taking all the inputs that you get and deciding what is best for you, whether it's someone who gets more serious about it, someone that takes it as a wake up call, or for me, I also approached it. A lot of friends now send me their friends, and I'm excited to talk to them. And one of them, her approach was, I met with her the day before and she was going in, she was going to get that cancer. And I was like, Listen, if that's what works for you, you with that for me. I approached it like, I'm going to spa.

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I'm getting this pretty intense treatment. I'm embracing it. It's something in my body that's not supposed to be in there. And I'm going to take one deep breath and I'm going to welcome it. And she said, oh, my God.

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Actually, that feels so much lighter to me than fighting thing. I'm going to do that. And she texted me later that next day and said, you're in my life forever. Because I was going into it in a negative way. So, again, everyone has their own way of coping, but I think it's just taking in all the support and then going from there.

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Well, I have my own opinions about disease right now. Granted, I'm a very healthy individual and I'm very blessed. I've had a lot of tragedy in my life, and I'm hoping that that's how it shows up for me and not in the form of a disease. Right.

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I'm a mindset coach. Right. Everything comes back to mindset. And I feel like diagnoses like this is no different. And I always think of my father.

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My father was given three months to live. Twice. Okay. Wow. Yeah.

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And. There was a couple of other things, I think that went into it, but because he had that scare not once, but twice, he totally shifted his mindset. He became a different person completely. And he lived 16 years. Wow.

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For 16 years. And every day I would talk to him on the phone and I'm like, how are you doing today, dad? And he's like, any day above ground is a great day. And he just had this new lease on life and he just really shifted things. And I really think that that because at the end of the day, you have a choice.

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Things happen for you or they happen to you. Yeah. And it sounds like for you, that diagnosis was for you because it changed the way you view the world and yourself. Yeah, definitely. And I've always thought about, for example, I thought about something I've wanted to do, and I thought, Well, I'm going to do that eventually.

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Then when this happened, I don't think everyone needs this extent of a wake up call and hopefully they don't need it. But I'll share something that was a bit intense that hopefully would resonate with you and any of your listeners. But if you could put under before that time, you're about to wake up and you're still half in and you're kind of floating around and maybe you say or think weird things. I was at that point and the first time that it happened, I actually did wake up. And my sister, some other family members had told me my first question was where are all the hot docs?

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So they were like, all right, she's going to be fine, she's back. But the second time, which is the more personal, is I couldn't decide in that moment if I was going to wake up and be myself at my age where I could still do all these things or am I going to wake up and am I older in a nursing home? And I had no idea. And so in my mind I thought, well, and I love coaching. I'm not a coach, I love getting coaching.

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So I've always been in the open mindset mindset. And so in that moment I thought, well, I'm going to go down this thought, I'm going to follow this thought and see what comes out of it. I'm not sure if I'm older, am I young? And so I thought, well, okay, if I'm old, what would I wish I haven't done yet? What would I regret not doing?

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And it was be a better friend or a family member or for me it sounds ridiculous, but it was kind of this show which I hope could be like a meaningful movement for people. But I had a little bit of fear in me and I didn't want to myself out there in the same way I'm doing it now, but anyway and I just thought if someone else did it I would be so mad. That would be my regret. And so in that moment I wake up, I look at my hands like, are they old? Are they young hands?

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And it's me. And I thought, okay, so weeks later I just did the first episode and so it's a great exercise, it's a little dark, could be weird to just do that with yourself. But it's something I just thought I've shared with a few people and they're like, wow, that's really interesting. You don't have to wait till something major happens, have that shift if you let your mind go there. No, you don't.

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And that's exactly why I wrote my book Happiness Solved and started this podcast because I don't want people to have to go to those dark places. Don't wait for that to happen. Now is the time. And I just wanted to add, you talked about your future self and waking up in a nursing home or whatever it was Jen gottlieb, who we both saw speak. I was in her Media Mastermind program for a year and a half in multiple programs of hers.

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So I got to know her pretty well, and she would talk about her future self, right? And when I get to the end of my life, am I going to look back and be like, yeah, you did it right. And that really helped me to change because now everything I do is for my future self and I live my life every day. It's what gets me to the gym. I've had this resistance about working out at the gym.

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I was like the perfect gym client. I would join Sign for two years, and I'd show up twice. I have been going to the gym, and of course, Craig is my coach and my mentor, and I've got him. He inspires me too. I've been going to the gym consistently for the first time in my life, and I love it.

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And it's like you can do little mind hacks to switch that way of thinking. But the point is, every day is for your future self. And I love that you brought that up because it's such a great message for the listeners, and I love giving my audience golden nuggets that they can apply to life immediately.

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All right, I want to talk about the mail room.

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You've touched on it a little bit. Can you give us some more details about some of the conversations that you've had? Because that's what really I'm that's what I'm curious about. Yes, of course. And by the way, I'm so open to any topics out there because a lot of my audience, they give me good topics to work with.

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So, for example, one of my favorites is, is Romance Dead? And so the format is I have three very different archetypes of men on from different ages, backgrounds, cultures, and I get them to do anything from translate text for women to putting them in a hot seat a little bit. So if you can imagine, sometimes I'll get an athlete or I'll get a guy from The Bachelor, and then I'll get just normal day, everyday kind of guys, and they all have very different perspectives. And so the whole thing is we're like the anti experts. We don't know, we're all single.

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And my role is I'm a bit of a spy. And what I do is on behalf of women, I am just trying to understand these men. So it's anchored in comedy, and then we usually walk away with some good insights along the way. Too nice. Can you give an example?

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I don't know if you have anything handy. Yes, I'd like a text message of like, okay, here's a text message and can you interpret it? Because I would love to share that. Okay, small confession. On a couple of episodes, I have used my own text because I'm dating, and what I hear out there is just a lot of ridiculousness.

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So I actually brought on one of my texts and it was basically someone that met at a conference. And I thought, well, this is different for me. It's not out of bar, it's on a dating app, but you just seem like a nice, attractive guy and I thought I should try one of these. And so I gave him my info and he reached out, texted and said, hey, is it just me? You seem like the best networker I met today.

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There was like some good banter. And then he writes back and says something like, I usually try to do a man voice when I do these, but so the man voice of his would be like, oh yeah, so I want to do something and ask you out. But turns out I've been kind of a jerk to women lately and I'm trying to change that, but just wanted to be upfront with you. What do you think? I wanted to use that voice.

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Thanks. It's not really according to most men, it's not accurate, but trying the role play thing. So basically my take on that is like, no thank you, whatever this means I'm running the other way. I'm not interested. This is like a walking actually, like screaming red flag, I am not interested.

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So I wasn't going to respond at all. And so I bring this up to the guys and of course, because they're seemingly wired differently, the very charming hot guy says, oh yeah, definitely not. Basically, I would do that when I am trying to get out of something before I've even done it. Basically, once you hang out and he does something you're not into, he can say, well, I warned you I was working on it. So that's like bachelor number one point of view.

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The second one was more like a spiritual sensitive type. His opinion was that this guy was just being a little too vulnerable, he overshared and that he thinks he's just a good guy that's working on some things and to go for it. So then that's like a tie, one to one. And then the third guy, who's more of the nice guy, just says, whatever it is, I think you're better than that and that person should do that work before they even take you out. And so something like that.

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As a viewer, you can watch and see which guy appeals to you because I'm getting all this tribal knowledge, but in getting the tribal knowledge, I'm seeing who these guys are. And so even as I'm hosting it in real time, I could say to myself, well, normally I go for the smooth hot guy. But like the nice guy, he gave such good advice. So it's been really eye opening and the biggest takeaway too, because everyone always asks. It's just, you know, guys are direct.

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They will see you if they want to see you. And I think a lot of times women, we want to support each other and we give each other advice that is supportive. So someone might say, oh, you haven't heard from him in a couple of days. I'm sure he's really into you. Try him tomorrow and your guy friends will say, you know what, do nothing.

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And if he shows up, he's interested and if he doesn't, move on. And you're like, wow, you saved me a lot of time.

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And then another thing I found was highly entertaining was we keep it pretty like PG 13. Most people I have on, including myself, have careers. And it's funny enough, it's kind of like the difference in how men think. And so I asked this British guy, how far should a girl go on the first date? Is that a deal breaker or a deal maker?

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And he was saying, oh no, it's a deal breaker. I want to get to know the girl for who she is as a person. And I'm just like buying this in real time. I'm just like swooning. Yes.

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Oh, yes, I agree. And I say, well, do you try? Oh yeah, you got to always try. I want to test the chemistry. I want to see if there's a vibe.

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And I'm like, what do you want this poor girl to do? You said you don't want her to, but then you say you try. What's the mixed message? So it's kind of that format where it's like a roundtable but I'm learning in real time too. I love it.

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I love it. And thank you for sharing your text message and I love the different perspectives. It does remind me of the dating show that was on years ago. Yeah, that's the number one. What do you say?

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You have a very just such a diverse career, but it does all revolve around a lot of marketing. So can you talk about your rated VR? Sure. That's really fascinating and it's so in line with what's going on in today's world. Yeah, definitely.

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I think the headline for all of these things, if this is helpful, is I don't necessarily have the background for a lot of the places I've been. So if you want to talk about like I've never I'm not saying never, but imposter syndrome, I know that comes up a lot for people. For me, if I am any proof and I don't know not to say that I don't know what I'm doing or don't make mistakes and that is correct do, but to me I have the reverse fear of what if. So what if this could have been amazing and I didn't do it? What if I stayed my same job and I have this kind of calling that I feel like I should follow but then I don't.

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That's worse to me than something and failing at it. And so basically I decided that I was with Microsoft a long time and I loved my job there and I had been going to conferences for work and people have been talking about VR and AR, which is virtual reality and augmented reality. This is seven years ago. And the problem was everyone was confused. Even now, a lot of people are confused, which is normal because it's emerging tech and it's there, but it's not quite out there yet.

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So kind of had this thought of, I want to jump into the space. The good news with that is everyone is a new expert, so I don't have to be in the space forever. It's a new space. That's right. Yeah, right.

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I can kind of position myself as an expert, more on the marketing side. So what is this new technology as a brand? Like as a Fortune 500 brand? Should you use it? Should you not?

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What should it cost? So there was so much confusion in the space and I thought, well, what if I go out on my own and I start an agency where we create content, but we also train and educate and basically just start with me as a consultant. And I thought, well, how much runway do I have? And I thought, Well, I have one year to do this, and if not, I can always go back to a similar Microsoft job or for anyone, you can sometimes go back to what you're doing. So I took a chance, I started this company, and what I didn't have was funding.

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I thought, I'm just going to bootstrap this because I thought about raising. But raising with emerge tech is a whole other form of pressure. So what I did was I thought, okay, I need to create a piece of content in this space, but I don't have a budget, so what am I going to do? I got a little scrappy, reached out to someone who was big in social media, reached out to a production company that did it, and I reached out to entrepreneur.com and asked them if they would be part of a piece of content, and everyone said yes. And we ended up shooting a piece of content in a hot air balloon with social media celebrity.

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And that's how I launched my company. So it was very scrappy, it was no budget. And we put it out there and then I could go to clients or prospects and say, hey, I'm doing this company. We created this content. And so that's how I started it.

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And then I did that for about two and a half years. And it was a total roller coaster of excitement and speaking on panels and then it was like crickets and then it was moving into AR instead of VR. And so, yeah, I basically just, without getting too granular in how any of it worked, I did it for about two and a half years and then we ended up getting acquired by a company called Medium It, which is where I am now. Nice. So, yes, I think that the takeaway for me there to share was kind of a timeline.

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Like I gave myself one year, and I just said I'll try anything for a year, and whether that's moving somewhere, in this case, starting a company and then after that year, letting the market prove if I had if I was at the right place at the right time and I was doing that, or if not, then I have a new plan. And so it was never as scary as, am I a corporate person? Am I a founder. How's my risk? It was like a risky short term plan that ended up paying off.

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So now we got acquired by that company. I now work for them, and then I do mail room nights and gifts too. Oh, my gosh, you have so many amazing things going on, and it's just so exciting, and I love it. I love it.

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But is there anything else that you'd like to share with the audience before we finish up? I think just one last thing, which I know you definitely relate to in your favorite quote that we talked about just before we chatted, which is, to me, it's just the comfort zone. If there's any takeaway from anything I've done or will still do it's, that when I push myself out of my comfort zone and kind of feel that, those nerves kicking in, that's where the magic is. And so sometimes you don't always want to do that. Sometimes I don't always want to do that.

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But that's kind of a trigger for me of, like, when I get out of my comfort zone, that's where all these things happen. All these things that we've talked about, I didn't have a real background in, but I had a foundation, and I wanted to just go for it. And so I think sometimes the comfort zone can be hindering. And again, I think that's where everything opens up when you take those chances. I love it, and you are absolutely on point there with that.

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Thank you. This was such a fun, enlightening conversation, and thank you so much for being here today. Likewise. And thank you so much. All right, thank you, everyone, for listening today.

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You.

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I certainly hope that you enjoyed today's interview. Thank you so much for joining me. And as always, I hope that you and your family are healthy and safe and that your lives are filled with peace, joy, and happiness. Take care, everyone.